X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X X-o-o-o-o-o-| STRENGTH TO CARRY ON |-o-o-o-o-o-X BOOK I "...We both may need a saviour; Tonight I fear that mine is the one I left waiting far from here." ---"Last Exit to Eden", Amanda Marshall By: Missy~ X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X Summary: MID 4TH SEASON (Post-"Zero Sum")---A Faustian bargain by a friend lands Mulder and Scully in a strange hospital they know nothing about, fighting to retain their awakening memories and find out how they got there. But when Scully's secret is revealed, how much will Mulder still value the truth? Category: S, A Rating: PG13 Mild 4th Season Spoilers, allusions to "Deep Throat" and "Darkness Falls". Disclaimers: If you recognize someone in this story, it's probably 'cuz you've seen 'em before. Those individuals no doubt belong to CC and 1013 and are used without permission. Anyone new is mine. Author's Notes: This is a new and final version of an old series. If you didn't read the original, then lucky you---something brand new! If you DID read the original, I apologise for the hell I put you through posting part by part before it was done, and I'm forever grateful to you for bearing with me way back then. Plot's the same, but it's nicely polished now with some changes to make everything clearer. Dedication: This one's for the Beta Reader of all Beta Readers, Kristine. I can't thank you enough for all your help and hard work. You simply rock. Comments (and Spooky Awards---hint hint) always welcome! Flames cheerfully used to warm the milk for my hero, Agent Cooper (TWIN PEAKS ROCKS)---GO FOR IT!!! Missy~ X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "And they met a man from Cyrene named Simon and forced him to carry the cross..." ---Matthew 27:32 PART 1: Take Up Your Cross... "Scully, it's me." Dana Scully put down the novel she was reading and slid off the bed, walking to the door and unlocking it. "You too?" Mulder nodded forlornly as he entered the room, smiling only when he saw what she was wearing. "Still love those PJ's," he commented, gesturing to the flannel green, blue, and red plaid Winnie the Pooh pajamas she was wearing. Her lips turned up a bit. "Glad you approve," she said dryly, sitting cross-legged on the foot of the bed. "I assume I didn't wake you," he said, joining her, his legs dangling over the end. "No such luck," she confirmed wistfully. "I was just reading. What time is it, anyway?" He checked his watch. "After 1 am." he reported with a yawn. "When is this going to end?" Scully sighed. Sleep had been eluding them for days now, and when they were able to keep their eyes closed for any length of time, in crept the nightmares, stealing away the chance of gaining a few moments of peace amongst the chaos of the waking world. Well, maybe not chaos. Confusion was perhaps a better word. In any case, it was not the life to which they had become accustomed. Being stuck on the compound was a big change from the life they'd been forced to leave behind. Not knowing why they were there didn't help matters any. Their schedule consisted of medical work-ups of all discriptions and counselling sessions. The medical testing was gradually tapering off, but as for the remaining item on their agenda, progress had been non-existent. Mulder had stressed his desire to be regressed using hypnosis, but that idea had been shot down by their therapist; she felt that unnatural retrieval before his mind was ready would do more harm than good. Scully had endorsed this stance and the matter was closed...for now. Scully moved to the head of the bed, removing her glasses and setting them on the small table beside her. "You wanna come in with me?" she offered, slipping back under the covers. "Could I?" he asked hopefully, his face brightening a bit. By way of answering, she pulled back the blankets on the vacant side of the double bed, smiling at his eagerness as he kicked off his slippers and scurried up to crawl in beside her. She leaned over to turn off the light. Mulder snuggled in beside his partner, resting his head on her shoulder and sliding an arm over her stomach. His fingers curled lightly over her hip. This position was not a foreign one for them anymore; their captors had been "gracious" enough to keep them in the same room. Though his memories were vague, he guessed that being with his partner at night was the only thing that got him through the ordeal with his somewhat questionable sanity in tact. She had been the strong one. Scully ran a hand absently through his hair, trying to block the jumble of half-formed thoughts and feelings that flooded back as a result of this familiar situation. And even as Mulder began to doze off, Scully fought the cloud of unconsciousness that threatened to overwhelm her. She had to stay awake. She had to try to protect him from the nightmares. She had to be the strong one. Almost two hours later, they awoke simultaneously. Tears running down her face, Scully let out a yelp, but Mulder's touch reminded her of where she was and she managed to stop herself from screaming. Her struggle to do so sent her into a fit of coughing and she flung herself upright. Mulder was still reeling from his dream, though he felt a great sense of relief at seeing Scully safe. But his mind worked well enough that he knew where he was and what was happening. With one hand, he reached over to get the glass of water that was on the bedside table, guided only by the sliver of moonlight shining through the window. His other hand moved to Scully's back, gently working to ease her distress. He held the cup to her lips, instructing her to go easy. She took it from him and sipped from it carefully between coughs. By the time the water was gone, so was the coughing. Scully laid back down, still a little out of breath. Mulder gave her a few moments before asking,"What happened?" Scully shook her head, wiping away a few stray tears. "I don't remember. It was a dream, the same one as before, I think, but...I really can't remember. It's like these images-" "-were there, but when you try to get to them, they-" "Disappear," they said together. Had the circumstances been different, they may have yelled "Jinx!", or used the word "spooky" in a sentence. But the circumstances were not different. Mulder didn't know how much longer they could go on like this, but he felt so helpless, seeing no way to change things. Counselling had done nothing for him as of yet; a trained psychologist himself, he recognised all of Annie's techniques and in their identification they became useless. And even if that hadn't been the case, she refused to divulge the information he seeked about her, the compound and their purpose there; blind trust certainly wasn't a characteristic he was associated with. And though he knew he could talk to Scully, and had, he felt guilty about burdening her. She'd been through the same ordeal as him and had her own nightmares to worry about. But she was still his rock, his anchor. That hadn't changed. He was crumbling. It was obvious to her, even in her own condition. This had to stop. Scully pulled a slightly shaking Mulder down beside her, wrapping both arms around him. "Why don't you come to my session tomorrow? I think it's about time we start to talk." She was relieved when he agreed immediately. "You're right." Shivering, he drew the blankets up around them. "I'll come with you." There was a long silence and Mulder felt his mind begin to cloud again. He couldn't help but give up. "G'night, Scully." He squeezed his eyes shut and willed them to stay closed, no matter what his instincts urged him to do. Scully stroked his hair gently. " 'Night." Scully's eyes remained open, however. She hoped that being awake would ward off the nightmares that plagued them both. But though the dream did not reappear again that night, the remnants of it refused to leave her alone, the monsters creeping around in the dark recesses of her subconscious mind fighting to be brought into the light. Sleep finally reclaimed Scully that night, but it was a welcome, dreamless sleep. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "They pay homage to a king Who's dreams are buried in their minds." ---"Tragic Kingdom", No Doubt PART 2: Buried Dreams, Enter the Fallen Prince... Mulder answered the knock on his door, knowing who the caller was. "Hey, Scully." He switched off the light and closed the door behind him. "You look like you're feeling better." He placed a hand on her back and led her down the hall. "So do you," she observed. "It's amazing what an effect a few hours of sleep can have." Truth be told, she still felt like hell but it was a major improvement. He'd be bunking with her again tonight if she had anything to say about it. They wandered around the grounds for a while, killing time before their session. They greeted a few of the patients they'd met earlier in the week; indoors, they were often segregated from other people except for at meal times, or monitored by staff. The enclosed grounds of the facility provided their only real opportunity to socialize unsupervised with any of the other "inmates" as Mulder had taken to calling them. Settling under the shade of an old oak tree, they sat in silence for several minutes, each recognizing the other's need to prepare themselves for what lay ahead. Breaking away from her own thoughts, Scully spoke. "If this is going to work, we've got to promise we won't hold back." Mulder kept his eyes turned downward, toying absently with her shoe laces. Finally: "Scully, I can't guarantee that I'll be able to share everything with Annie..." He paused, meeting her eyes. "...but I won't hide anything from you. I promise." Her smile of approval sent a wave of contentment through him. It was just what he'd needed. He hopped up and offered her a hand to pull her to her feet. "Come on, let's go. " X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Annie, we're ready to start talking." Annie Lancaster looked up from her desk in surprise, pleased by the declaration. "'We'?" Scully pulled Mulder into the room. "My partner and I have decided we'd prefer to have joint counselling sessions. " Annie looked from Scully to Mulder and then back to Scully. "Dana, I'm not sure that's the best idea. Different progressions could cause-" "Annie," Mulder cut in, laying a hand on Scully's shoulder. "The decision has been made. We'll make an effort, but only under these conditions." Annie leaned back in her chair and sighed. What could she do but to go along with it? "Alright, but I'm going to have to reserve the right to terminate this little arrangement if things get... out of hand. Agreed?" Mulder tightened his grip on his partner and she replied for them. "Agreed, on the condition that our opinions will be taken into consideration when determining the definition of 'out of hand'." "Deal." She stood and gestured for them to follow her to the adjoining room. "Let's get started." X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Why don't you tell me about the dreams." Scully looked to her partner, who sat next to her on the couch, before answering. "We can't remember what they're about." Dr. Lancaster nodded. "Okay, that's to be expected. But do you know anything about them? Is it always the same dream?" "I think it's the same," Mulder said, Scully nodding in agreement. "I don't really know. I just..." He trailed off in frustration when his mind failed to supply him with the information he sought. For the past hour his frustration had mounted as Annie continued to ask questions he couldn't answer. Scully laid a hand on his arm in an attempt to calm him and finished for him. "We can remember for a split second when we wake up. And then the images just disappear; it's the same process as normal dreams but there's a heightened degree of memory loss. The disorientation we experience when we awaken doesn't help matters." "Perhaps it would help me to understand better if you could describe this disorientation," Annie suggested. Mulder groped for the words. "Confusion. It's like, there's a moment when we don't know what's real and what isn't. The transition can be quite...terrifying," Mulder admitted. "This is followed by a great sense of relief." "Relief?" "When we realize where we are and that the other is safe," Scully told her. Annie jotted something down in her notebook. "You mentioned you slept in the same room last night. Did you both experience the nightmare at the same time?" They nodded and Scully recognized for the first time the oddity of the occurrence. Sitting forward in her chair, Annie made a proposal. "Let's leave this alone for awhile. But I'd strongly suggest that you accept the doctor's offer to sedate you. I know you've refused for the past few nights, but-" "No!" Mulder insisted emphatically. "Annie," Scully said, "not after what happened our first night here. I'm personally not willing to go through that, or make Mulder have to deal with it again." "Right now, being able to wake up is the only defense we have," Mulder continued. Annie found herself taken aback by their insistence; it was the first real show of any emotion they'd let slip since they'd first arrived. Part of her was relieved; their fear was something she could finally work with. But not this morning. Their hour was up and she had other patients. She surrendered and dismissed them. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X After lunch, Mulder retreated to his room but found upon his arrival that he wasn't alone. "AD Skinner?!" Skinner stood to greet him, shaking Mulder's hand warmly. "It's good to see you. Are you alright?" "Much better now, sir. Maybe we can finally get some answers. Hang on a minute." Mulder wrapped loudly on the wall separating his and his partners' room. When the answering knock came, he turned back to Skinner. "Scully's on her way. " Scully arrived seconds later. "Mulder, what..." She trailed off at the sight of the AD. A small smile curved her lips at the sight of the first familiar face they'd seen, or remembered seeing, since their abduction. She crossed the room and, in a sudden wave of emotion, threw her arms around the man's neck. After recovering from the initial shock, Skinner returned the hug. "I'm glad you're alright," he said quietly. Mulder felt his jealousy swell---how dare that man hug HIS Scully? Or was it just because, for a few seconds anyway, he was no longer her only source of comfort? Scully seemed to sense her partner's reaction and after breaking away from her boss's embrace, a little embarrassed, she moved to sit beside Mulder at the foot of his bed. She forced herself not to smile as he reached out to take her hand in a territorial gesture. "Sir, have you come to get us out of here?" He perched on the arm rest of an overstuffed chair, angling himself to face them. "Sorry, but no. It was hard enough for me just to get in here. As it is, I have to be gone within 15 minutes or security has threatened to throw me out." "Sir, where are we? What is this place? Who brought us here?" Mulder shot off impatiently. "No one here will tell us anything!" "I can't tell you much, only that this is a government funded facility. It's apparently devoted to the rehabilitation of those who've experienced trauma do to events of a classified nature." "Rehabilitation?" Mulder snorted. "Doubtful." "I agree," Skinner said. "I'm not quite sure about the facility's location; I was taken out of a private helicopter and purposely kept away from anything that might give a clue to where we were going. As for how you got here, I'm not privy to that information, but I can speculate." Both agents understood what he was implying. "Can I assume that the subject of your speculation is also the individual who informed you of our location?" Scully asked. "That's right. But he was no help in getting the clearance to get in here. " He eyed them both carefully. "Sir, what happened to us before we were brought here?" Mulder asked suddenly. Skinner looked at him in surprise. "I was hoping you could tell me." He checked his watch. "I have to get out of here." "What are our orders?" Scully asked him. The Assistant Director considered that for a moment. "Do as you're told," he said finally. "Do whatever you have to to get yourself released from here, within reason; I trust your discretion in this matter. I'll try my best to get clearance for another visit." He paused. "Take care of yourselves. I'll tell your families that you're alright." He left the room, feeling a great sense of relief. Mulder really didn't remember. Scully squeezed her partner's hand and stood, bringing him to his feet as well. "Come on, Mulder," she said quietly. "We have to get to the west wing to see Dr. Callahan." "You okay?" She shrugged. "Yeah, I'm fine." Tugging her hand free from his, she headed for the door. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "Old men watch from the outside, Guarding their prey..." ---"Secret Ambition", Michael W. Smith PART 3: Disguise... "Dana, why don't you tell me what you remember about before you were taken?" Scully drew in a breath, letting it out slowly through her teeth. "Okay. Um..." She glanced to Mulder for help. " he suggested silently. Turning back to Annie, Scully began to speak. "Mulder and I were in, um...North Dakota. There was..." She strained to get to the memories. "We had received information from an undisclosed source, leading us to a man, Barratt, that was supposed to have information about Mulder's sister." She paused for a moment, feeling Mulder stiffen beside her. "Please, continue. " "There really isn't much more to tell. I was in bed sleeping at the motel a couple of days after we arrived and the next thing I remember clearly was waking up here." She looked expectantly at Dr. Lancaster. Annie obviously wasn't satisfied with Scully's run-down of the situation. "What about the time between your arrival in North Dakota and your abduction?" After a few moments of careful deliberation, Scully answered, "I'm not at liberty to discuss that." A glance at her partner revealed a look of indifference at her declaration. Annie noted his expression as well. "Mulder?" she began. "Go ahead and tell her, Scully." Scully looked at him in surprise. What had happened to "trust no one"? His apathy frightened her. He met her eyes and forced a half-hearted smile by way of urging her on. he coaxed wordlessly. Nibbling on her bottom lip, she refused. She found herself the subject of his scrutiny but she didn't shy away. Her regarded her curiously for a few moments, then relented. "Alright, not today," he said aloud. Glancing at her watch, Annie agreed. "Your time's almost up for today anyway. You're free to go. I'll see you at 10 tomorrow." She watched them leave, sighing when Mulder closed the door behind them. Most of the hour had been spent discussing the visit from Walter Skinner; them demanding answers yet again and her again deftly avoiding telling them what they wanted to know. It had been exhausting for her but she'd exited the exchange with a small feeling of victory. The subject was again closed. But this last part of the session intrigued Annie greatly. The silent communication between her patients and the shared dreams were almost enough to make her believe the Consortium had given her some faulty information. she thought to herself. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "The wind is moving, but I am standing still A life of pages, waiting to be filled..." ---"Place in This World", MWS "Such is the end of all who go after ill-gotten gain; it takes away the lives of those who get it..." ---Proverbs 1:19 PAGES1: Scully's POV... Day 2: Dr. Lancaster gave me this today, told me to write down all my thoughts and anything I might remember. I guess I don't mind that much---I *was* kind of disappointed when my diary wasn't among the things they brought here from my apartment. But it's makes it feel as though I'm being forced to start over---clean slate, blank pages... It's 11:30 AM, I'm not sure what day, b/c they won't tell us. I just got back from my session and it didn't go very well; I wouldn't tell her anything and I guess I kinda lost it and I started yelling when she wouldn't let up. I was also pissed off because she wouldn't answer any of MY questions, namely "Where the hell are we?" and "What are we doing here?" Finally I calmed down a bit and she strayed to safer topics, mainly my relationship with Mulder. I don't know why I decided to talk to her at all but I did, although I didn't really know what to tell her. I mean, I've often tried to define our connection, and I haven't been able to. So I just said that we were friends, best friends. She asked me if I love him and I said "yes". And I do; I love him more than anyone, with the exception of maybe my family. Then she asked me if I was *in* love with him. I said "no" right away but from the look she gave me, I have a feeling that I may have answered a little too quickly. I wonder if she knows about what happened. Dr. Callahan said it would be confidential, that'd he'd keep it even from the staff. But who knows who around here can be trusted? I met some people in the yard today; they don't seem to have any idea where we are, either. Some of them were civilians, others government employees from various offices. I haven't talked to Mulder yet today; I went to check on him a few times last night and this morning but he was sleeping b/c of the sedative they gave him last night after our failed escape attempt. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - It's now 1 PM. I just got back from seeing Mulder---dammit, I could kill the bastards that sedated him!!! He went through hell last night and now he's a real mess. When I went into his room, he was just staring out the window, and didn't notice. When I spoke to get his attention, he practically jumped out of his skin and started chewing me out for sneaking up on him. Finally I screamed at him to shut up and then he suddenly starts crying. I didn't know what to do; I was really shocked. I tried to apologize but I don't think he even heard me. He looked as though he was going to pass out, so I dragged him over to the bed. There was nothing I could do but hold him and rock him---I felt like crying myself. It was along time before he could finally tell me what was wrong. I guess the nightmares were a whole lot worse for him; I at least had waking up as a defense against them but Mulder couldn't because of the damn sedative. I hate this place. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "The most loving [people] commit murder with smiles on their faces...they force us to destroy the kind of person we really are; a subtle kind of murder..." ---Jim Morrison PART 5: Smile (Subtle Destruction)... "Why didn't you want to tell her?" Scully rolled onto her back, bringing an arm up to shield her eyes from the sun. His words had broken through the peaceful illusion her mind had created; aided by the faint sounds of chirping birds and laughing children, the feel of the grass under the blanket they were laying on, the freshness of the air she drew deeply into her lungs, for a few moments she had almost been able to forget... Sighing, she answered him. "I don't trust her, Mulder. I don't care what Skinner told us to do. We know nothing about Annie, or anyone else in this place." Mulder looked at her curiously yet again. She caught his expression and cocked an eyebrow. "What?" "What happened to what you said this morning?" He searched his eidetic memory for her exact words. "'If it's gonna work, we have to promise not to hold back.'" Dammit. How was she supposed to answer that? He was right. Mulder looked concerned. "Scully, did something happen I should know about?" "No," she answered automatically. She repeated herself, trying to sound more convincing. "No." "Scully-" "Mulder. I'm telling you the truth. Let's just drop it, okay?" She hated to lie to him but he needed to be spared. This was something she'd have to keep hidden for now; he didn't need anything more put on his shoulders. For his benefit, she forced a smile. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Sorry," the young girl said shyly as Mulder handed her back the Frisbee. He grinned at her. 'That's alright---I have a pretty thick skull. I'll live." She giggled. Thinking he may have the opportunity to gather some information, he introduced himself. "I'm Fox. What's your name?" "Abby. Are you the soccer guy?" "Yep, that's me. " He thought for a moment. "Hey, I remember you---you were on my team, weren't you? The really fast runner, right?" She nodded proudly. "I used to be on the track team at my school." Her friend, the one who'd thrown the Frisbee, yelled to her that he was going inside. "'K! See you later!" she answered, waving. Then she turned her attention back to Mulder. He gestured for her to sit and she plopped down onto the grass beside him. "Do you miss your school?" he asked. "Sometimes. But Dave says I get to go home soon." "Dave?" "He's my..." She struggled to find the right word. "Psi... psi..." "Psychiatrist?" Mulder suggested helpfully. "Yeah. " Mulder was just gearing up to pump her for some facts when a woman in a familiar uniform walked over to them. "Abigail, time to get ready for bed." "Aahhhhh..." she began to whine. Mulder reached out to ruffle her hair. "Better do as you're told, kiddo." Recognising that she was out-numbered, Abby allowed Mulder to help her to her feet. "G'night, Fox." He smiled as she began to walk, hand-in-hand with the nurse, toward the cluster of buildings. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X Curled into a small ball at the head of the bed, Scully cried silently for over an hour. She wasn't sure what time it was, but she guessed it must have been very late, because the last bed check had passed quite some time ago. Sleep had eluded her thus far, and she wasn't sure whether to count it as a blessing or a curse; the images forced on her in unconsciousness could not be much worse than the unrelenting thoughts coursing through her brain while she was awake. Sitting up, she was about to reach for her journal when her sixth sense kicked in, alerting her to her partner's distress. After a quick stop in the bathroom to try to wash away the remnants of her tears, she hurried to his room. "Mulder?" she called softly through the door. She tried the doorknob and finding the room unlocked, she let herself in. Mulder was asleep, in the middle of what must have been one of the worst nightmares yet. Sitting down on the bed beside her thrashing partner, Scully switched on the bedside lamp, the slight illumination casting an eerie glow over a small circumference. His face was contorted in an expression of intense pain, his eyes open, his blind gaze darting erratically around the room. From his mouth came a jumble of soft words in an incomprehensible flow. One word, however, she did understand. "SCULLY!" She grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him gently. "Mulder? Mulder, wake up. Come on. Wake up!" The thrashing ceased abruptly and Mulder blinked rapidly, finally focusing enough to identify his surroundings. "Scully?" "Yeah, I'm here." Relief washed over him and he began to tremble. "Oh, my God..." "Move over," she ordered, getting in beside him. She gathered him into her arms, whispering words of comfort and drying his tears. Long after Scully had managed to doze off, Mulder lay awake, offering a silent thanks to a god he didn't believe in for his partner's strength. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "I'm no prophet but I've seen things Right and wrong become too close..." ---Source Unknown Part 6 PAGES2: Mulder's POV... Day 3: Scully's making me write in this damn thing. Oh, well. I'll probably be glad for a written record later on. I caught Scully crying in the greenhouse today. She doesn't know I saw her; I got out of there before she saw me. I don't know why I didn't confront her. I guess I didn't want to embarrass her; she'll come to me when she needs me. The doctors tried to sedate me again last night but Scully helped me convince them not to. Thank god, too, because the nightmares came back full force. I gave up trying to sleep at around 3 AM and I went to see Scully; I knew she'd be awake, too. We wandered around the building for awhile, finally ending up in the lounge on the second floor. We watched a couple videos and then got permission from one of the nurses to go outside early and watch the sunrise---it was amazing he let us after our little escapade the other night. He probably had us under surveillance the entire time; this entire place is wired. Both of my sessions today were a disaster---there's no way I'm going to tell that woman anything and I made it quite clear to her. Maybe I was a little harsh but how could she expect me to talk to her when she, not to mention everyone else, won't even tell us where we are? For now I'm only trusting Scully, as always. After my evening therapy session, I went outside and ended up organizing a soccer game in the sports field. It started off small, but as more people heard about what we were doing, the teams got a whole lot bigger. Even some staff and security joined in. We had to go really easy in the beginning because of the younger kids in the game, but when they were sent to bed, the powers- that-be decided to let us stay out past curfew so we could play a REAL game. It was a really good work-out and I felt a lot better afterwards. Scully wasn't there; I'll have to ask her where she was. Maybe she actually got some sleep---I hope so; she hasn't been feeling very well. Well, at least I'M feeling a bit better. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "...Having and not having rise together. Difficult and easy complement each other. High and low rest upon each other..." ---Lao Tze,"Tao Te Ching" PART 7: Resting Place... Scully gently floated back into consciousness, encompassed in a shroud of warmth. Turning into the source of the heat, she opened her eyes to see her partner smiling down at her. She attempted to return the grin but found herself yawning widely instead. "Oh, I'm sorry," Mulder teased. "Am I boring you?" "What time is it?" she inquired, wriggling out of his grasp and stretching. Mulder checked his watch. "7:30. You want breakfast? I can bring something up for us..." he offered, reaching to push the blankets down off of him. As the cool air hit her, Scully shivered, drawing the covers back up around her. "You go ahead. I think I'll stay in bed awhile longer. I don't think I'm feeling very well." His concerned piqued, he laid a cool hand on her forehead. "You're a little warm. Is it your stomach?" She nodded. "It's a little sore, that's all. " Seeing he wasn't convinced, she added,"I'm probably just hungry. Can you bring me up some cereal in a bit?" "Sure. Just let me grab a shower and I'll head down." Satisfied with her explanation, he grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the bathroom. Rubbing her stomach soothingly, Scully took a few deep breaths, her eyes squeezed shut. She wasn't overly disturbed at her condition; as a doctor she knew that certain side effects were to be expected after the procedure she'd undergone. But the dull throbbing served as a reminder, something she DIDN'T need right now. She just wanted to forget, content to banish it to the back of her mind until they were released from their current situation. Then she'd drudge up the memories and face them head on. As the intensity of the pain slowly eased, she allowed herself to relax, turning onto her side facing away from the room her partner occupied. Anticipating his imminent emergence, she feigned sleep. "I'm a little tea-pot, short and stout..." Mulder sang under his breath, trailing off when he saw the still form of his partner. "Scully?" he ventured quietly. No answer. Probably a good thing; who knew what she'd say about his taste in music. He smiled to himself, a little sad at the realization that she probably wouldn't even comment. IF she noticed at all. Her walls, which he'd worked for over four years to chip away at, seemed to be destroyed. However, they had been replaced by boundaries of a different sort; whatever she was guarding, she was doing a damn good job of it. Her reason for the avoidance was not lost on him: she was trying to spare him. Her selflessness was valiant and he loved her for it, but he wanted to find a way to tell her he didn't need to be protected. It would be difficult to convince her, considering it was an out and out lie. For now he could do nothing but continue drawing from her seemingly endless hidden reserves, as his own had been drastically depleted. But when she finally fell apart, he vowed to be there to pick up the pieces. It was a quaint goal, but it gave him a reason to keep going. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "...How dreary to be somebody." ---Emily Dickinson PART 8: Shadows of Being Somebody... "There was pain...physical weakness...I think there may have been a hallway...I had to walk down it to get to my room... It seems like it was the same everyday...a routine schedule." The darkened room was silent, save for the slight breathing noises of the three occupants. The women waited patiently for Mulder to continue. "My room...our room, was...small? With-" "-Two cots," Scully cut in. "But we'd-" "-Pushed them together in the corner," he finished, unaware that he'd stopped speaking. "There was a private bathroom and a mini-fridge-" "-With juice and fruit in it,"Scully interrupted again, growing more excited as she began to remember more. "And we had a deck of cards and we'd play-" "-Poker for the stuff in the fridge. Not exactly high stakes, but it took our minds off everything." Scully slipped off her shoes and tucked her legs up underneath her. "I'd...check him over, to make sure he was alright...sometimes he was in really bad shape but...Then there was always...a voice? Coming from...somewhere..." Beside her, Mulder shifted, sitting up a little straighter. "Intercom, maybe? Saying something about-" "-Lights out---power cut or something. A five minute warning." Annie Lancaster smiled encouragingly. "What happened then?" "We'd go to bed and just talk," Scully told her. "Talk about...? About what happened to you during the day?" Mulder fielded the question. "About everything...but...I remember *having* the conversations but I can't recall what they were about." Scully nodded in agreement, her hands moving to her stomach as she was hit by a sudden wave of nausea. "Um, isn't our time up?" Annie checked the time. "Alright. I'm late for an appointment, so why don't we leave this for now? We're finally making some progress. I'll see you this afternoon." Telling Mulder she'd meet him later, Scully made a mad dash to the bathroom, making it just in time. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Your temperature is normal," Dr. Callahan announced. "I think it's probably just nerves. I'll give you something to settle your stomach along with your noon meds and release you from your afternoon appointments so you can sleep it off, okay? Scully nodded gratefully as she hopped down from the examining table. Dr. Callahan brought her a pill and stayed with her as she took it. Then he accepted her thanks and ordered her to bed. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Hey, where have you been?" Mulder asked his partner when she arrived. "Mulder, get out of my room. I'm going to sleep." She'd cut through the grounds instead of through the buildings in the hopes she'd make it back to her room before the meds kicked in. No such luck. Shedding her shoes and sweater along the way, she threw herself face down on the bed. Startled, Mulder rushed to her side. "Scully? What is it?" She lifted her head for a moment to flash him a reassuring smile. "Dr. Callahan gave me something for my stomach. I'm supposed to stay in bed this afternoon." Mulder looked relieved. "Don't scare me like that," he scolded softly, his hand caressing her back in a light, circular motion. "Do you need anything?" "No thanks," she mumbled, her eyes fluttering closed. She slept. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X Scully was sitting up in bed when Mulder returned from his therapy session. "How did it go?" He attempted a smile. "It went," he answered dryly. Crossing the room, he crawled onto the bed facing her. "Feeling better?" "Yes, but don't change the subject. What did you talk about?" She removed her glasses and set them and her journal on the bedside table. He sighed. "Mostly my sister. I told her almost everything. I didn't mean to, but once I'd started, I just couldn't stop." "I'm sorry I wasn't there," she said quietly, "but I'm glad you told her; you needed to talk about it." Alarms were going off in her mind and it took all her strength to ignore them. He nibbled thoughtfully on his lower lip. "I'm glad, too, I guess, " he said finally. "I feel better. I guess Sam's been on my mind a lot more than usual lately." He glanced out the window. "It's really nice out today. Feel like going for a walk?" She thought about it for a moment, gauging her condition. "Sure, why not?" she replied finally. "Give me five minutes." X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X Mulder was very quiet, in a silent battle with the demons that had surfaced as a result of Annie's insistent probing. He cradled his partner's hand in his own as they wandered aimlessly about the grounds. There was a large tree near the perimeter of the playground they were approaching and Scully led him over to it. "Mulder, let's rest for a while, alright? I'm still a bit tired." Mulder sat down, leaning against the base of the trunk, while Scully opted to lie down beside him on the grass. After a few minutes of companionable silence, Scully opened her eyes to look up at him. "Do you think they'll ever let us out of here?" Her words snapped him out of his dream world. "Whoa. Where did that come from?" "I don't know. I guess I've been missing home a bit. It'd be nice to sleep in my own bed again." Mulder sighed, not being able to say the same. "I don't imagine we'll be here long. I can't really say, considering we still don't know exactly why we're here or what kind of expectations they have for us, but..." Scully wasn't convinced. "But our being in this place must be significant; it must be really important to somebody, or else we wouldn't be here." "I don't know about that, Scully," he countered. "I mean, look around you. There's a lot of people here and they seem to be treated no differently than us. Here, we're just a number, know what I'm saying?" "'I'm nobody. Who are you?'" "'Are you nobody, too?'" Mulder continued, recognising the quote. "'Then there's a pair of us.'" Scully sat up in surprise; she hadn't even realized she'd spoken aloud. Then she leaned in close to his ear, whispering conspiritally. "'Don't tell anyone; they'd banish us, you know.'" They both chuckled softly, before turning sombre. "'How dreary to be somebody...'" they finished together. The simple poem caused both of them to see their positions, their identities, in a new light. For so many years they'd been "somebody". But now... Whatever might have followed was interrupted when a nurse announced to the children on the playground that it was time for supper. Getting to their feet, the agents brushed themselves off and headed indoors. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "Why did you paint the walls? Why did you clean the floor? Why did you plaster over the hole I punched in the door?" ---"The Old Apartment", Bare Naked Ladies Part 9 PAGES3: Scully's POV... Day 3 We've been here for at least two weeks; Dr. Callahan let it slip this morning when he was examining me: I got to skip my session with Annie this morning for that appointment. Dr. Callahan said that I was fine and that the discomfort I'm feeling is probably just nerves, not a result of the procedure. I argued that the pattern was consistent with residual affects but he said that it had been too long for those to be likely---that's what tipped me off as to how long we've been here. I don't understand why we aren't allowed to know what day it is, but it's really frustrating! And what happened to those two weeks? I told Mulder about it, expecting him to be furious ---yet another cover-up. But he took it really well. Then he asked me how I found out, and I found myself lying to him. I don't remember what I said but it must have been convincing because he bought it. I feel really bad about not telling him the truth, but I find it odd that he couldn't see through it right away; he always does. I met some people today in the game room. I played ping pong with Chris, who told me he was in the Navy. I tried to get some info from him about this place, but he didn't know any more than us; none of them did. He did make a reference to being allowed to go home soon but then he had to leave. Session awaits...another hour of playing "Let's Be Evasive". This is almost getting boring. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "There was a strange symmetry there, an almost poetic juxtaposition of opposites." ---"Reunion", by Michael Jan Friedman PART 10: Aieannen Baiannen... "Dammit, Mulder! You are such a liar!!!" Scully accused angrily. "Me?!? You're the liar!" Mulder stared his partner down, refusing to look away. Finally, Scully was forced to blink and Mulder's face adopted a triumphant smirk. "What's the matter, Scully? Can't handle the pressure? Then maybe you should be here." "You think you can do better? Fine. Let's get on with it," Scully challenged. But the brave air in her tone was discredited when thunder crashed outside and she yelped in surprise. "Fine. A-3." "Ha! " she exclaimed. "G-2." "Miss!" Mulder countered. "A-4," he continued confidently. "Damn!" "B-4." Scully didn't even bother to answer. Mulder knew. "And...C-4." Scully shook her head in disbelief. "You sunk my battleship." Mulder fist shot into the air. "Yes!!! Finally!!!" His jubilant cry was accentuated by a huge clap of thunder. Those in the lounge who had been rooting for Mulder cheered and congratulated him, while those who were on Scully's side, mostly the young men, groaned. "Any challengers?" Mulder asked as Scully left her chair. Scully didn't stick around to find out the result of his inquiry. Instead, she headed to the top floor of The Tower, planning to watch the storm through the large picture window. At first it seemed as though the room was deserted, but a bright flash from the lightening proved her wrong as it provided enough illumination to make out a form sitting cross-legged on the window seat. "Chris?" The man turned, startled. "Oh. Hi, Dana." He smiled in the darkness and gestured for her to join him. "Did you win?" She shook her head. "Nope. Mulder trounced me. But he cheated." Chris chuckled, leaning back against the wall. "How come you're not down there trying to reclaim your dignity?" "No point; the odds are stacked up against me. It's difficult when your opponent can read your mind." "I can see how that might be a problem." He ran a hand through his sandy blonde hair and turned his gaze back to the scene outside. "Beautiful, isn't it?" She nodded reverently as a streak of lighting trailed from the sky, counting steamboats until the answering thunder sounded; it was a childhood ritual she'd come to perform unconsciously. It *was* beautiful, spoiled only by the large fence surrounding the perimeter of the compound. Beyond that was a grassy field, fading into a dense forest. "He seems to be adjusting well." Scully looked up at him. "Pardon?" "Your partner," Chris told her. "Sometimes the transition can take weeks, even *months*, but he seems to be doing well." "I guess," she said non-committally; she hadn't really thought about it. But if this was transition... "Months?" "Yeah. And I should know---I'm what you might call a veteran; I've been here for almost seven." Scully was silent for a moment. "You must have experienced something pretty awful to have been here for that long." He said nothing. "I'm sorry," Scully amended immediately. "If you don't want to talk about it-" "No, that's not it. " He smiled apologetically. "It's just that I...I can't. I'm not really allowed to." She sighed. "Oh." "Same deal for you?" he inquired. "No. Well, probably, since we're here, but...neither of us can remember anything." "Been there. That's the way it is for some of us in the beginning. But it almost makes it easier. You get to develop a level of trust with the staff here before you have to face your memories." Scully inadvertently snorted at the idea. "Memory or no, trust isn't exactly one of our prominent characteristics." "That's kinda sad. But you seem pretty trusting to me. I mean, I could be a homicidal maniac for all you know, but instead of running for cover, here you are." A grin appeared on his handsome face, making her finally notice just how attractive he was. Chuckling, Scully said,"First of all, I would *not* run for cover; I could knock you on your ass in a second!" She crossed her legs Indian style and continued. "And as for seeming trusting, don't confuse trust with being friendly. In my line of work, trust is built over a long period of time and with extensive effort." Chris wrinkled his nose. "Being in the FBI must suck." She smiled. "Not the FBI in general---our division is kind of...in a league of it's own, to put it mildly. And it doesn't 'suck'." She paused for a moment. "Well, maybe sometimes." When he asked her what division she worked in, Scully delivered a general overview of the X-Files, her explanation intriguing her companion. "So it's just you and Mulder?" Nodding, she answered,"For about four years now." "You must get along pretty well to have stayed together for that long." "Wind and water. But that's what makes it work, I guess." Thinking of Mulder reminded her of something. "Do you know what time it is?" He checked his watch. "Couple minutes after six. Why?" "Damn, I'm late for my session with Annie." She hopped to her feet. "I'll see you later, alright?" He caught her hand to restrain her. "Dana, a word of advice." She turned to face him. "Yes?" "Don't get too comfortable. There are truths to be found." She narrowed her eyes, considering his cryptic comment. "Chris, what-" "Go on," he cut in. "You don't want to keep Annie waiting." And with that, he wrote a big *finis* on the conversation, turning back to the spectacle outside. After a reluctant goodbye, she rushed from the room. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "The owls are not what they seem." ---Twin Peaks PART 11: Through the Darkness of Future Past... "Why don't you two take some time to pull yourselves together?" Annie suggested. "I'll take my next client in Dave's session room; he finished at seven. I'll see you tomorrow." She took her leave of them, her thoughts still consumed with the stories she'd just heard. Eyes bright with unshed tears, Scully approached her partner, who'd gone to stand in front of the window. She touched his arm but he didn't react. "Mulder?" "I'm sorry," he said quietly, his voice void of emotion. "Why? Sorry for what?" she coaxed gently, leaning back against the window sill. Mulder kept his gaze fixed on the sky and the last of the sunset that was starting to become visible though the diminishing cloud cover. "For being an ignorant, selfish ass. The hell you've gone through these past few years, it's been my fault." "Don't say that," she chided him immediately. "But it's true," he insisted. "Hearing you talk about Pfaster, about Krycek and your abduction, all of it...It ate me up inside. I'd lost sight about how much my vendetta has affected you." Scully sighed. "Maybe this joint counselling thing *was* a bad idea," she commented. "No," he retorted immediately. "Please...it makes it easier for me. This was just...I'm sorry I mentioned it." His eyes were pleading as he looked down to her face. His urgency surprised her. "Mulder...none of this has been your fault. I followed you on my own free will. And given the opportunity, I think I'd do it all over again." Her words brought a slight smile to his face. "Thanks. I..." he trailed off helplessly, shaking his head. Glancing at the clock mounted on the wall, he cursed under his breath. "I've got to go." Scully raised an eyebrow. "I had lunch with a beautiful young blonde today while you were sleeping," he teased lightly. "I promised I'd come see her tonight." He examined her carefully."You going to be alright?" She waved him on. "Yeah. I'll meet up with you later. Have fun." As soon as he was out of the room, she burst into tears. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Time to start getting ready for bed. Oh, and Abigail, you have a visitor." At the sound of the nurses voice, young Abby abandoned her colouring books and the other children around the table. "Fox?" Mulder stepped into the room. "Hey Abby. Sorry I'm late." She smiled, granting forgiveness without a thought. "That's okay. What'd you bring?" she asked, eyeing the book in his hand. "'Moby Dick'. Come on." X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Who's your roommate?" Mulder asked her, seeing her room housed two single beds. "I think Amie got to go home last week." She grabbed her pajamas from the foot of the bed and retreated to the bathroom, saying "I'll be right back." "You *think*?" he called through the door, going to sit in the rocking chair by the window. "No one really knows. Some of the other kids say she's still here but I haven't seen her. Sometimes people are taken away for awhile and then come back, so..." Mulder heard water running and figured she must be brushing her teeth. He waited patiently for her to emerge. Abby came out of the bathroom, clad in a nightgown and a loose ponytail. She crossed to him, climbing onto his lap. "Is it a good book?" He handed it to her so she could examine the picture on the cover. "A classic." "Like 'Tom Sawyer'? My mommy used to read from me from 'Tom Sawyer' last year." "Kind of. But before we start reading, can I ask you a question?" She shrugged indifferently. "Okay, what?" "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I was just wondering: Why are you here?" Brow furrowed, her eight year old mind searched for the words. "I saw something. Something I wasn't supposed to see, something scary. But I don't remember what. I did in the beginning, but now I don't. " "Really? Doesn't that bother you?" he guided her gently. "No, 'cuz it means I get to go home soon." Her small fingers opened the story to the first chapter. " 'C-call me I... I...'" Storing away what he'd just learned for further analysis, he took the book from her, positioning her so he could read over her shoulder. "'Call me Ishmael'." he began. "'Some time ago, never mind how long precisely, with little or no money in my purse...'" X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "What of the noble who are searching for the truth, With truest of intentions, And yet they're jaded by Hypocrisies behind cathedral walls." ---"Calling Heaven", MWS PART 12: What's Mine... "Scully, I was thinking. I..." Mulder trailed off as he realized he was talking to himself. He glanced around her room, calling her name. Nothing. He walked the halls of their building, the APX, then headed out onto the grounds, visiting all the places they'd hung out together, anywhere she might have gone. he thought wistfully. When she was nowhere to be found, he decided to try the therapy building. A long shot, he knew, but where else was there? He by-passed the west wing, which was the medical wing, and began with the east wing, where he'd left her almost two hours ago. He wandered into Annie's office, finding a dark haired man sitting at her desk using the computer. The man stood when he noted Mulder's entrance. "Hi, I'm Dave. Can I help you with something?" Mulder shook his offered hand. "Um, yeah. I'm Fox Mulder. I was looking for my partner, Dana Scully." Dave looked thoughtful. "Fox? That sounds fa...Oh, yes; Abby mentioned you today in session. I want to thank you for spending time with her. She's been a little lonely lately." "It's my pleasure," Mulder assured him, smiling. "Your partner...red head, kind of short?" He nodded. Dave pointed toward the door to the session room. "She's in with Annie. I think they're holding a bit of an impromptu session. Would you like me to give her a message?" "No," Mulder answered immediately. "I'll talk to her later. Thanks." He quickly walked out, worried as hell. She'd been relatively fine when he'd left her, hadn't she? What could she be doing? X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Mulder?" Scully entered her room to find Mulder lounging on her bed. "What are you doing here?" She fought to keep the annoyance from her voice; physically and emotionally drained, she'd looked forward to being able to just fall into bed upon her return. He looked up at her, his eyes unreadable. "My friend Abby gave me some information about this place I thought you might be interested in." Closing the door softly behind her, Scully hopped up onto the bed, sitting cross-legged opposite him. "Alright, I'll bite. Who is this Abby person and what earth-shattering revelation did she present you with?" He frowned at her tone but answered anyway. "Abby is a little eight year old I met yesterday. I went to her room tonight to read to her, like I'd promised to do. But before I started, I asked her why she was here. She told me that she'd seen something she wasn't supposed to see. She said she didn't remember what it was, although she was sure she'd remembered when she'd first been brought here. I asked her how she felt about not knowing and she said it was okay because it meant that she'd be able to go home soon." He glanced at Scully, his excitement growing. "Uh-huh," she mumbled non-commitally. She waited for him to continue. "Abby also told me that her roommate *MAY* have left last week, although she wasn't sure, that some people went away for awhile and then came back." He stopped and awaited her reaction. He was disappointed when he got none. "Scully, do you know what this could mean?" She blinked. "No," she said honestly. He made a frustrated noise. "Scully, we're here because we saw something, saw the people who were responsible for what's happened to you. And now we have to stay until they're sure we won't remember. It has nothing to do with rehabilitation; it's just another cover-up." Silence. "Scully?" "Mulder, I'm tired." She looked pointedly at the door. A confused expression crossed his face. "Scully, I-" She touched his lips lightly with her index finger. "Please. We'll talk tomorrow." "But I..." He reached for her hand but she pulled away. "Please," she repeated softly. "Alright," he gave in. "Tomorrow." As soon as he was gone, the tears began. Again. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "A lifted weight, an upturned fate..." Part 13 PAGES4: Scully's POV... Day 3 cont: Dr. Callahan called me back in this evening to review the results of my head CT. I was worried that the cancer had spread but it turned out to be just the opposite. At first I thought there was some mistake but he assured me the results are accurate---the tumour is gone. I don't pretend to know how this could be possible and I think I'm still in shock as I write this. It's as though suddenly I've been handed back everything that'd been stripped away, given a second chance. It's overwhelming. I didn't know how to react. I'm scheduled for chemotherapy later in the week and it will continue for the next six months to try to wipe out any remaining cancerous tissue. I never thought chemo was an experience I'd look forward to, but now I find myself welcoming it with open arms. I told Mulder when he came to visit me awhile ago. It wasn't until I saw his reaction, the happiness, the relief, that it finally became real to me. I let him hold me and we both cried a little. But when the surprise wore off, he started speculating, assembling more of the puzzle. I have to admit that a lot of what he said made sense. He thought that we may have been taken for the express purpose of curing me, that someone may have had a change of heart. Then he went on to say that the problem with that theory is that *they* don't have hearts. There had to have been a reason, but he has no real ideas. The other question pertains to his presence; so far no justification has been uncovered. God, I sound like an FBI agent or something... X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "...Angels in waiting gone before they could be given wings to fly." ---"Calling Heaven", MWS PART 14: Place for These... She'd avoided him this morning, but lying in bed a few hours after the chemo, she knew she didn't have the energy to run any longer. "Hi, Mulder," Scully ventured weakly upon awakening to find him slumped into a chair nearby. His smile almost reached his eyes. "How're you feeling?" She tried to sit up but found she didn't have the strength. "Pretty bad," she said honestly. "No worse than usual. How long have you been here?" Shrugging, he checked his watch. "An hour, two maybe. I know you don't like company when you're not feeling well, but I thought with everything that's happening you wouldn't mind." He caught her questing hand, moving his chair closer as he did. Scully sighed miserably, looking a little green. "The nausea's the worst. Can you get something, just in case?" Cocking his head slightly, he gestured towards the bedside table, directing her gaze to the small basin which sat on top. "Thought you might need it later." She thanked him with a look, then turned away suddenly as her stomach surged. Swallowing convulsively, she closed her eyes and fought for control. Recognising that she was loosing the battle, Mulder got up to sit on the bed beside her. He held the basin as she dry heaved a few times and then finally her stomach delivered. "Done?" he asked, stroking her hair. She nodded and then insisted on being the one to dispose of it. With a little help from her partner, Scully managed to push herself out of bed and walk to the bathroom. Sitting silently, Mulder could hear her cleaning the basin and the sounds of her brushing her teeth. When she emerged a few minutes later, she looked much steadier on her feet. "Feel better?" he asked, pulling the covers back for her. "Yeah," she answered as she eased into bed and allowed him to tuck her in. "My stomach's still a bit off, but..." Returning to his chair, he reached out to rub her stomach gently. It seemed to be helping, as she was calming considerably. But when she placed a hand over his, Mulder suddenly pulled away. Mulder's eyes widened. "I remember..." Scully turned onto her side to face him. "What, Mulder? What do you remember?" His jaw dropped as he was finally able to assign words to his recollection. "Scully, the baby...You were..." He touched her stomach tentatively. "Oh, my god. The chemo." Mulder's tone turned frantic. "We have to get Dr. Callahan!" She grabbed his hand and held it fast. In a calm voice, she told him the truth. "Mulder, it's too late. " X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "Through this sea of waking dreams, I stumble without pride, Nothing stands between us here; I will not be denied..." ---"Possession", by Sara McLachlan PART 15: Memories Trapped in Time... Mulder stayed with his partner until she fell asleep, then retreated to his own room. Sitting on his bed, he reached for his journal and began to jot down the contents of his flashback. It was a difficult task; his mind kept straying to Scully's words: <"Mulder, it's too late. I lost the baby. He was apparently dead before we even got here."> She hadn't cried. She'd told him the whole story in a clipped, detached tone, as though she were reciting a prepared dissertation about a matter no more important than the decline of dairy sales in North America. The total lack of emotion in her delivery was almost...eerie. <"I was only told that the procedure had been performed after I experienced some discomfort and found the scar from the surgical incision on my abdomen. At first I didn't believe Dr. Callahan; after everything you found out from the clones in the fertility clinic, I'd almost come to accept that I'd never be able to conceive. Even when I was shown the embryo in stasis, I still wasn't sure. But now that you remember..."> Mulder's memories confirmed what he'd thought to be impossible, leaving him with two conclusions. It was feasible that he'd been lied to; they'd never had the chance to do sufficient testing to confirm what the clones had claimed; when he's finally told her what he'd learned, they were called away by Barratt. And then there was the scenario he'd already considered in another respect, that their captors had not only rid Scully of the cancer but had also somehow managed to reverse the other souvenirs of her previous abduction. Mulder was inclined to lean toward the latter; he'd believed it to be possible since the beginning of the ordeal, and had, at one point, been ready to sell himself to the Smoking Man for that information. AD Skinner had thankfully deterred his ambition but his notion that this shadowy antagonist and his kind held the knowledge of how to save his partner was not quelled. He'd refused to believe she was going to die. He was prepared to do all he could to save her. But someone had apparently beat him to it, and though he knew not who they were or what had driven them to do so...he wasn't about to complain. The blank page of his journal beckoned and he shook himself out of his reverie. His pen at the ready, he closed his eyes and tried to remember. <"But Scully, it's not supposed to be possible." > Mulder rubbed his wrist reflectively, then cleared his mind to pave the road for the memories that were starting to emerge. <"It doesn't matter, Scully. I'm fine, but how are you? Do you feel alright?"> And that was all. It wasn't much, by any means, but it was more than he'd known before and that was enough for him. Mulder was confident that if his encounter with Scully had triggered this memory, others were bound to follow. A quick glance at his watch revealed his session with Annie was due to start in about 15 minutes. He abandoned his journal and, after checking in on his partner and finding her to be resting comfortably, he began his trek across the grounds. The walk was far enough to give Mulder time to consider what he would be telling Annie. While just yesterday he would have been tempted to tell her all he'd just learned, today things were different. What Abby had mentioned about being able to leave when she could no longer remember impressed upon him the importance of secrecy if they wanted to get out of here any time soon. And so it was decided. "Annie?" "Mulder, come on in. Let's get started." X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "Wreathed in myrtle, my sword I'll conceal..." ---"Hymn to Aristogeiton and Harmodius", by Edgar Allen Poe PART 16: Three Aces... Mulder was relieved when he was finally allowed to leave. The session had been gruelling, Annie having decided to take advantage of Scully's absence and focus on Mulder's feelings about Samantha. He'd at least been able to convince her to let him out of evening session since he'd already had two private ones that day. Annie's next patient arrived just as he was exiting the room. Mulder held the door for the young woman, closing it softly behind her. He turned into the empty office. His eyes rested on Annie's desk. On her computer. A light went on in his head and he quickly scanned the room, looking for a surveillance camera. He found it in the corner by the ceiling, almost hidden by a hanging plant. Mulder walked casually out of its field of view, then positioned himself underneath it, standing on a chair he'd pulled over from nearby. He reached up and slowly, carefully tugged the front of the camera downward until its lens was pointing into the flower pot. Seating himself behind Annie's desk, Mulder was greeted by a familiar Windows '95 screen. He moved the mouse to the Eudora icon, clicking on it and waiting. As soon as the program had loaded, he selected "New Message" from the menu bar. _______________________________________________________ TO: Composite_3@hakbri.trippy.org FROM: lancasanne@consort.com SUBJECT: CC: BCC: _______________________________________________________ F-if you *really* want my video collection, come get it... M. F. L. <16:00> _______________________________________________________ Without hesitating, he hit the "Send" button and after deleting the message from the out box and the trash, he exited Eudora. He briefly checked the Netscape settings and, pleased by what he saw, he returned the screen to it's original state and left the desk. Carefully returning the camera to its proper position, he smiled and set off to his room. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X As a precaution, Mulder entered his partner's room as quietly as possible. However, his efforts were proven unnecessary when he found Scully awake and sitting up in bed. "Hey. I brought you some dinner." She laid aside the book she was reading and removed her glasses, smiling. "Thanks. I was hoping you would." Mulder crossed the room and set the tray on her lap. "I figured you wouldn't want the main course they were serving, so I bribed one of the kitchen staff to make you a sandwich--- your favourite kind, I might add." He sat on the end of the bed and gave her a discrete once-over. Her colour was close to normal and her eyes had cleared. He knew by now that this indicated she'd reached the stage where she had about half of her strength back and her appetite was starting to return. Satisfied that she was recovering on schedule, he continued. "That's orange juice, no pulp, the dressing on your salad is Italian, and I got you extra whipped cream on your Jello." Grinning proudly, he looked at her expectantly and waited to be praised. "What? You want applause?" She chuckled. "Thank you, Mulder. I'm touched that you went to such trouble, although I'm guessing the member of the kitchen staff you mentioned was probably young and female and good-looking." Picking up the fork, she began on the salad. "Actually," he countered,"*she* was old and male and kind of ugly." "All the better." She gulped back a bit of her orange juice. "Have you already eaten?" He nodded. "Abby and I were talking to your friend Chris in the dining hall. I told him you weren't feeling well; I assume he doesn't know." "No, he doesn't," she admitted. "Though I'll probably tell him the next time I see him." Leaning forward, he took a spoonful of Jello and ate it, then returned the utensil to the tray. "He seemed quite...taken with you." She looked surprised. "Really?" "Yeah. " He chuckled. "I think he was checking out the competition." "Don't worry, Mulder. No contest." He raised an eyebrow. Scully just smiled sweetly and took another bite of her sandwich. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Mulder, I'm sorry about last night. I just wasn't in the mood to talk." Mulder, having just returned from taking her dishes back to the dining hall, was surprised by her sudden declaration. "I know." Scully's face adopted a mildly confused expression. "I..." He resumed his position on the bed. "I went to look for you. Dave---he's another therapist here---he told me you were in with Annie." She lowered her head briefly, then sank further into the bed. "I didn't want you to know." Laying a hand on her calf through the blankets, Mulder squeezed lightly. "You said we shouldn't hide things from each other," he told her gently, in a tone void of accusation. "I know." Mulder waited for her to continue but she said nothing more. He assumed the topic of their conversation had been the baby, so he felt no need to press her. "Alright. We'll talk about it another time." She nodded thankfully in agreement. "However, we DO need to talk about what I told you last night." Immediately, he was transformed into his staid FBI agent persona. "I think I'm on the right track." "I agree." He took a visible double take. Scully stifled a grin. "Just because I didn't want to talk about it last night, it doesn't mean I don't accede to your theory. I think what you said made a lot of sense." Mulder blinked. Opened his mouth. Closed it. Blinked again. "Scully...can I get that in writing?" Swatting his arm weakly, she continued. "We've seen cases where people's memories have been erased---remember what happened at the Yellow Base?" Actually, he DIDN'T remember; that was the point. But he nodded anyway. "Well, since you agree, I assume you won't object to keeping my little flashbacks under our hats. I didn't mention them to Annie today and I don't plan to." "Alright. And I'm going to talk to Chris, discreetly of course. He's been here for quite a few months, so he's bound to know *something* that'll be of value." She sighed. "I wish Skinner would come back---I hate not having any contact with the outside. It makes me feel...claustrophobic, somehow." A Cheshire Cat grin appeared on Mulder's face. "Actually, Scully, that may be about to change." X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "But I'm only a few steps nearer... Yet I'm nearer..." ---"The Now and the Not Yet", by Amy Grant PART 17: Maybe Tomorrow... When Mulder returned from Abby's room, he decided to check on his partner and make sure she didn't need anything. He was surprised to find Chris in *his* customary position on the end of Scully's bed. Scully waved him inside, she and the young man continuing to speak in hushed voices. She signaled for him to stop and wait a few feet from the bed. After a few moments, Chris bade her good night and, after greeting Mulder quietly, left the room. "Scully?" Mulder began. "Mulder, we're going for a walk," she announced, hopping out of bed. She contested the wave of dizziness that threatened to overcome her, declining his offer of assistance with a Look. "I don't think this is a good idea. " "We are going for a walk," she repeated. He sighed in frustration. "May I at least know why?" "I just want to go for a walk," she told him, her tone insistent. "What is this about?" "Later." She collected some clothes and headed for the bathroom to change. "Go get a jacket---it's cold outside," she called over her shoulder. Shaking his head, he obediently went to carry out her instructions. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "We may have gotten lucky. Our building is the oldest of the eight on the compound-" "Eight? I thought there were six." "There are two in clearing in the north woods by the landing pad. Anyway, the surveillance equipment in APX isn't as advanced." "Not wired for sound." "Maybe, but there's no guarantees. " Scully leaned back against the thick tree trunk and sighed, trying to ignore the nausea she was feeling. "Which means they may already know you're starting to remember." "Dammit!" Mulder exclaimed, pounding his fist against the tree and regretting it a second later. "We searched the rooms. Where could they have the camera hidden?!" "Behind one of the panels near the ceiling, as far as he knows." Scully reached into the pocket of her jacket and extracted a small collection of folded papers. "When I explained our situation to Chris, he declined to talk about it. But he DID go and get me these." Taking them from her, Mulder kneeled down and spread the pages open on the grass. "Journal entries." She nodded. "Records from multiple escape attempts, all from over five months ago. Since then he hasn't been allowed outdoors without direct supervision." Shining his pen light on a sketch in the centre of the arrangement, he commented,"He's quite an artist. What are we looking at?" Scully snatched up the paper and scooted over against her partner. "Light," she instructed, squinting against the relative darkness around them, battled only by Mulder's pen light and the illumination jutting from the floodlights attached to the buildings. "This is a map of the compound, as far as he's made it. There's also some details added in by others who either tried to escape or managed to just "wander off" without being noticed." Pointing to an oddity near the fence past the trees, he asked,"What's this? A door?" "*The* door, apparently. The staff and the rare visitors have only been witnessed entering or leaving the compound by helicopter." She took the light from him and scanned the other entries on the ground, finally scooping up the one she seeked. "But on one occasion Chris made it past the security detail near the landing site, following tire tracks to the door. 'It's a cement incline going under the electric fence and into an underground passage. There's...' " Scully trailed off, trying to decipher the hand writing. " 'There's no visible exit point.' " Shifting so he could sit cross-legged, Mulder's eyes took in their surroundings as he said,"We'll need to find time to investigate this. How long does it take to get to the door?" "He says...about an hour and a half each way, walking. Damn. With our therapy schedule, there's no way we could get away with out being missed." She felt Mulder stiffen beside her. "What is it, Mul-" Suddenly, Mulder grabbed the front of her shirt, pulling her forward almost roughly. "Mulder, what-" He cut her off by pressing his lips to hers. He neither evaded nor encouraged, but held her firmly so she couldn't pull away. Scully was in shock until she saw movement over her partner's shoulder and the sweeping beam of a flashlight. She snaked one arm around his neck, while with her other hand, she helped him gather the papers in front of them and shove them into her pockets. Enjoying himself immensely, Mulder pushed back her hair and nipped at her earlobe, chuckling softly when she gasped involuntarily. "Sorry I didn't warn you," he whispered. "Shhh, here he comes..." She claimed his lips and began kissing him with feigned enthusiasm. "Okay, break it up. Curfew was 15 minutes ago." The guard shone his flashlight directly on them. "I'd suggest you take this inside." The agents looked up with sheepish expressions, shielding their eyes from the blinding light. Mulder recognised the young man standing over them and was the first to speak. "Andrew? Sorry, man. I guess we, ah..." He shot a theatrical look at Scully. "I guess we got a little carried away." Simulating embarrassment, Scully giggled nervously and buried her face into his shoulder. A smile appeared on Andrew's face. "Mulder, you dog. " He motioned for them to follow. "I better get you guys inside. But this is your only warning---after your little jaunt the other night, the higher-ups wouldn't be pleased to hear we let you stay out past curfew." The partners got to their feet and Mulder shook the man's hand. "Thanks, Andy. I owe you." Wrapping an arm around Scully's waist, he followed the guard back to the APX building. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Come in," Scully called after quickly hiding the papers she'd been reading under the covers. A pleasant-looking woman about Scully's age stepped into the room. "Hey, Dana," she greeted softly. "Final bed check. Think you can manage to stay in tonight?" "Ruth, have you been talking to Andrew?" Scully asked, smiling. "Mea culpa. Way to go, girl --- Your Mulder's quite a looker." She crossed the room and closed the blinds. "This a recent development?" "Sort of," Scully lied. "It came on pretty unexpectedly." "Yeah, this place'll do that to people." She sighed a little wistfully. "Anyway, do you need anything? You don't look so hot." "I'm fine. I guess I just over-exerted myself." Scully realized the implications of the statement even as it left her mouth and she found herself blushing. Ruth chuckled. "I'm sure you did. " She turned to leave, but stopped suddenly. "Oh, a message was delivered from Dr. Lancaster. She'll be off the compound tomorrow morning, so your AM session is cancelled." "Really?!" "Yep. Just try not to...over-exert yourself." She smiled. "Good night, Dana." " 'Night, Ruth." X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "You get Annie's message?" Mulder nodded in the dark and beckoned her inside. "You should be asleep," he scolded lightly, pulling back the covers in invitation. "You're still not well." Climbing into bed beside him, Scully blew him a raspberry. "So?" she prompted, arranging the blankets around them. "So I think tomorrow morning would be a great time to take a walk together...sweetheart. " He lowered his voice. "I'm sure that's something "Big Brother" won't object to, since tonight's little caper basically provided an alibi." "How early?" she asked, yawning. "8:30, 9?" "Alright." Her eyes were already beginning to close. "Set your watch alarm for 7:30 so we can get some breakfast first," she instructed. "Already done." She smiled. "Psychic?" "Nah. Merely adept at anticipating your whims. Now, go to sleep. Big day tomorrow." She was about to roll onto her side facing away from him when she heard him clear his throat expectantly. "What is it?" "Don't I get a kiss?" He leaned in close to her ear. "Must stay in character, you know." "Muullldeeer..." she began warningly. "Big Brother," he reminded her, gesturing toward the probable location of the camera. A flimsy excuse and not enough to convince her. "Good*night*, Mulder," she said firmly, though not entirely able to keep the amusement from her voice. Denying the unexpected twinge of disappointment he felt at her swift response, he sighed softly . " 'Night, Scully." X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "Higher ground is the sound I'm talkin' of, Opportunity knocks through a different love..." ---"Heavenbound", by DC Talk PART 18: Perfect Alibi... Scully couldn't deny she was having fun. While acting had never been one of her strengths, characterizing *this* part took little effort and in her opinion she was pulling it off beautifully. Her partner wasn't doing that badly either. Mulder seemed quite comfortable in his role as her new beau, playing up to the "audience" like a pro. A lot of the staff and other residents they encountered had already heard about the previous night, surprising the agents. The enclosed environment had apparently produced a rather formidable rumour mill, and Andrew didn't appear to have had any misgivings over spreading the word about what he'd seen. Their tacit strategy was to be subtle, perhaps simply drop a few hints, be a little more "friendly" than usual. Just enough that their little hike this morning would seem justified to the general populous and subsequently any of the staff who might inquire about their whereabouts. They had been compelled to alter their game plan when they entered the dining hall to find the dirty work had already been done for them. Most were tactful in their interest, allowing only the briefest of glances and the occasional congratulatory comment. Others were more...verbal about their curiosity or approval. Mulder dealt with these individuals with his usual style of dry humour and the novelty of the "newest couple" began to wear off. One thing was quite clear, however: it appeared that half of the occupants of the room already had them married with a dog and 2.78 children. They took their place in the rear of the cafeteria-style line, Mulder engaging in some light-hearted banter with a few familiar faces sitting at a nearby table. Scully, on the other hand, was content to eavesdrop on the hushed conversation between two women a few positions ahead of them. The subject: the fling between the two FBI agents. She smiled when she was able to distinctly detect their jealousy; apparently there were those here who considered Mulder quite a catch. Unconsciously she tightened her grip on the fingers that had at some point intertwined themselves with her own. She had never really thought about him that way... She pulled away from him, reaching up to smooth back her hair. She tightened her ponytail and allowed her partner to contribute to the effort by tucking a few errant strands securely behind her ears. Setting his hands lightly on her hips from behind, Mulder leaned over to plant a kiss on her neck, whispering,"Are you sure you're up to this? You look kind of pale." Scully turned, wrapping her arms around his waist and craning her neck to look up at him. "I'm just a little tired. I'll be alright. It'll be..." She grinned. "'A nice trip to the forest.'" Recognising the reference, he rolled his eyes. He rested his forehead against hers. "We can put this off. We'll go another day." "Mulder, who knows when another opportunity like this is going to present itself? It has to be today." Glancing up, he saw that they were falling behind. He released her and turned her about, giving her a gentle nudge forward. "I can go myself," he suggested quietly. "That would kind of ruin your alibi," she reasoned. "I'll be fine. " He sighed. "Why do I bother?" "Good question," Scully replied, picking up a tray. "You should know by now you can't win." They finally made it to the front of the line. After collecting their meals, they chose a small table in the corner of the room and were able to enjoy a relatively quiet breakfast together. Just as they were finishing, a small girl approached the table and tugged on Mulder's sleeve. "'Morning," she said quietly. "Hey, you. Just get up?" She nodded, crawling onto his lap. "I slept in." "Abby, this is my partner, Dana. Scully, this is Abby, the one I told you about." Scully greeted her warmly, then excused herself to go and talk to Chris, whom she'd just spotted entering the dining hall. Mulder turned his attention back to his young friend. "Hungry?" "Uh-huh." Mulder stood and lifted the child into his arms. "Then let's go." The line was relatively short by now but he escorted her to near the front anyway, setting her gently onto the floor and crouching down beside her. "I've gotta go; Dana and I are going for a big walk this morning." "Can I come?" she asked hopefully. He tapped the tip of her nose with his index finger. "Sorry, pal. Grown-ups only. " Abby looked disappointed, so he added,"How 'bout next time, it'll be just you and me." "Promise?!" He traced an "X" on his chest. "Cross my heart." She grinned, content with this arrangement. Mulder signaled one of the women waiting in line. "Would you mind helping her get her food?" "Sure. Come here, sweetheart." Grabbing a few water bottles from the small fridge at the end of the counter, Mulder ran back to his room to retrieve his backpack, storing them inside. Returning to the dining hall, he found that their table had been cleared and was now occupied by Chris and his partner. He came up behind Scully. "Ready to go?" Mulder asked, closing his hands over her shoulders. He directed a slight nod at Chris by way of a greeting. "Yeah," Scully replied, getting to her feet. "See you at supper, alright, Chris?" "Sure. Have a good time." Chris added silently as he watched the agents walk from the room hand-in-hand. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X They'd made good time, reaching the tree line in less than an hour. Scully was beginning to really feel the residual affects of the round of chemo and she requested that they rest for awhile. Fighting the impulse to transform into a mother hen, Mulder went to sit in the shade, pulling her down with him. He removed his sun-glasses and sweat shirt, tucking the latter behind his head and leaning back against a tree. He opened the backpack and handed her a bottle of water, taking one for himself as well. Drinking greedily, Scully managed to finish almost half of the cool liquid before she stopped herself. Capping it securely, she tossed the plastic container back to her partner. She then laid down on the grass and closed her eyes. A few minutes of tranquil silence passed before Scully spoke. "Mulder?" "Umhmm?" "This place is really bizarre." "How so?" She struggled to raise herself from the ground, finally succeeding and crawling closer to him. "For one thing, this." She made a sweeping gesture with her arms. "If they've gone to all the trouble of hiding buildings out here, why have we been allowed to waltz up to the front door?" "I don't know." "And the staff is so...I don't know. Not so much Annie as Andrew and Ruth and Kevin and the guards, but... Considering their positions, why are they allowed to be so laid back, to develop personal relationships with the patients?" "I don't know." "And the facilities are so...not clinical. The game room, the sports fields, the gym, the playground. Why make such an effort to establish a feeling of community?" "I don't know, Scully " he repeated again, taking her by the shoulders. "You're shivering." "Am I?" His touch had brought her out of her rumination, and she realized he was right. "You cold? You don't look so good." He ran his hands briskly up and down her arms in an attempt to warm her. "Here, take my sweater." Scully accepted it gratefully, slipping it over her head. She found she had to roll up the sleeves quite a ways before a proper fit could be achieved. "I shouldn't have let you come," Mulder chided himself aloud. "As I recall, you didn't have much choice. " She smiled and got to her feet. "It was my fault; I should have known better. But we're this close now, so there's no sense turning back." The determined look on her face was one he recognised all too well and he knew there was no sense trying to argue. "It can't be far from here." After taking a final sip of water, Mulder repacked the knapsack and slung it over his shoulder. "Let's get going." X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Get down," Mulder hissed. Dropping to a crouch, she instinctively reached for her gun and cursed under her breath when she was reminded of its absence. The jeep that emerged from the opened door held a familiar face---none other than Annie Lancaster. The older man in the back seat didn't look familiar, his business suit seeming too formal in the relaxed atmosphere of the compound. The driver also was unknown, though his attire was similar to that of the security staff back at the main buildings. "There it is. Let's-" "Scully, no. Stay still." The door was already half closed. "It's electronically sealed. And," he pointed to the panel above it, "that's a sensor camera; it'll pick up our movement if we get too close and make us famous real fast." Staying low, she retreated and joined him a few meters back. "Terrific." She made a frustrated noise. He smiled. "It's nothing the boys can't handle, if it comes to that. Although considering we have no idea what's on the other side..." "Got you. For our sake, let's hope they have access to a helicopter." "Scully," he assured her confidently,"they have access to EVERYTHING." He checked his watch. "We have time. Want to check out the buildings?" "Lead the way." She crawled along after him, following closely. When they'd made it back to cover, they got to their feet and walked through the trees at the edge of the clearing to get into a better position. Mulder was trying to navigate a maze of roots when he heard his partner's soft voice behind him. "Uh, Mulder?" He turned. "I need to stop for a second." Her eyes became unfocused and she swayed slightly. Mulder lurched forward, but before he could catch her, she lost her balance and landed unceremoniously on her ass. "Scully!" He came and knelt beside her, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Just got a little light-headed." She took a few deep breaths and gifted him with a shaky grin. "I'm fine." He helped her to her feet, supporting her with an arm wrapped firmly around her waist. "Scully, that phrase became cliche awhile ago. You're going to have to learn to be more convincing than that. Come on." "Where are we going?" He smiled. "Mulder?" "Follow my lead. You never know---I may be able to get us the tour." With that, he left the shelter of the brush and escorted her into the clearing. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU!!!" ---"Nineteen Eighty-Four", by George Orwell PART 19: The Silent Stand of Ba'alzevuv (The Id)... "Hi!" the man behind the desk greeted brightly. Mulder and Scully exchanged a Look. "You must be tired; you're along way from the main buildings. You folks get lost?" "Um, yeah, actually," Scully answered, her voice betraying a hint of confusion. Standing and coming around the desk, the man introduced himself as Earle. "Are you okay?" he asked Scully. "You don't look like you're feeling very well." "Bizarre" really *was* the word around here; first they parade through the door uncontested, and now this cheerful little man was calmly inquiring about their welfare. "We had the morning off, so we decided to do some exploring." Mulder began. "I guess we--" "--Over-exerted ourselves," Scully finished for him, managing to keep a straight face even when her partner shot her a questioning glance. Earle smiled. "Well, why don't you let me take you to the lounge so you can rest for awhile? They're taking one of the doctors back in about an hour, so I'm sure I can arrange for you to ride with her." He started down the hall, gesturing for them to follow. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X The lounge wasn't empty but the occupants paid them little mind. Two women sat in front of a computer in the corner of the room, laughing. A man reclined on the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table, reading a magazine and petting the kitten on his lap. The kitten, for its part, eyed the fish-filled aquarium nearby with wanton interest. "You two get something to eat and drink if you want. I'll have someone come and meet you here in about 45 minutes. In the meantime, feel free to explore." Earle took his leave of them. The agents looked at each other in astonishment; after all the trouble they'd gone through to maintain secrecy, they'd just been given the run of the place with no questions asked. Bizarre. The man on the couch was the first to take notice of the welcome intruders. "Hey, aren't you two the FBI agents?" They nodded simultaneously. "Yeah, I thought you looked familiar. I'm the 3rd floor supervisor in the APX building," he explained. He gestured to the kitchen. "Go help yourself---there's doughnuts in the box on the counter and I think Jill just made a new pot of coffee." Mindlessly, they did as he instructed, then returned and sat beside him on the couch. "You guys get lost or something?" the man asked, not looking up from his reading. "Uh, kinda," Mulder admitted. "We were lucky to have come across this place---we didn't even know these buildings were out here." The man ("Cole", Mulder's mind supplied helpfully) looked amused. "Well, I guess it's because you're new. There's actually quite a collection of rumours going around about this place. Some of them are so far into right field they're funny, but we don't have the heart to set them straight---no need to burst their bubble." He chuckled. "They'd probably feel pretty stupid if they knew the truth." He lifted the cat from his legs and set her on the couch between him and Mulder. "Go on, Kasey." He stood and brushed himself off. "And what exactly IS the truth?" Mulder asked, picking up the kitten and hugging her to his chest. "The truth is that the LIT, that's where we are now, is just a place for the staff to get away; to have meetings and stuff. And the building next door, the MAC, is used to receive guests and supplies and to process newcomers. A long time ago, they used to use the ATCO building, but when the Centre was expanded to include the treatment of children, they decided to move out here; it wasn't safe having the helicopters land too close to the main buildings with little ones running around." He checked his watch. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a staff meeting to go to. See you back at APX." Scully gave a little wave, not able to find her voice. "Nance, Jill, meeting!" Cole called to the women, who were still engrossed with the website they were browsing. They logged off and followed him from the room. Scully reached out to absently brush cat hair from her partner's jeans. Kasey regarded Scully warily, but under Mulder's attentions, she soon closed her eyes and began to purr contentedly. Mulder transferred the kitten onto his partner's lap. "I'm going for a walk," he announced. "You stay here." "But Mulder, he just said-" "I heard him, Scully. But since when have you known me to believe everything I hear?" She was too weary to protest. "Alright. But don't stay away too long." She nudged the animal's side in distaste. "It's just a cat, Scully." He smiled. "I'll be back soon." X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X There were no guards, no locks, no questions asked. As Mulder wandered from room to room, finding nothing at all that could be considered suspicious, he ran into a few familiar faces along the way. All of them seemed pleasantly surprised at his presence but that was all. Finally giving up his quest of stumbling across anything incriminating, he began making his way back to his partner. When he'd almost reached the lounge, his plans suddenly changed and he decided to search for a way to get to the MAC building. But before he'd even had a chance to form a travel plan, he literally ran into someone who was quite familiar. "I'm sorry," he apologized, trying to regain his equilibrium and steadying her as well. "I didn't see you there..." He trailed off as he found himself looking into the face of Annie Lancaster. "Mulder? So *you're* the lost lamb." Annie calmly took a bite of her doughnut. "I'd assume then that the woman with you is your partner." He nodded, following her through an office door. "She's in the lounge down the hall; she's not feeling very well." "Uh-huh," she said, seeming a bit skeptical. "Well, go get her. We've leaving." "Annie, the reason we're here-" "We'll talk about it later," she interrupted. "Just get your partner and meet me back here." Mulder left to carry out her orders, again finding himself agreeing with Scully's earlier analysis---*definitely* bizarre. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Scully, we're here." Awakening slowly, Scully lifted her head off of her partner's shoulder and looked around. Sure enough, the back doors of the ATCO building were only a few feet away from the halted jeep and a nurse was coming out to meet them. "Ms. Scully, do you need some assistance?" the man asked. "Dr. Callahan is available to see you." "Oh, no, thanks. I'm fine. " She shot a sideways glance at her partner. "Mulder will make sure I get back to my room alright, won't you?" Following her cue, Mulder helped her out of the jeep and, draping a protective arm across her shoulders, led her inside. "I'll see you at session," Annie called after them. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X It proved beneficial to have gotten their stories straight. Annie's relentless questioning wasn't able to crack the agents' alibi, and though they got the distinct impression she didn't believe a word they said, Mulder and Scully were let off the hook. They left Annie's session room just as her next patient was arriving and soon found themselves alone in her office. Hand-in-hand, they walked casually towards the door... Mulder pulled his partner under the hanging plant in the corner and pointed up at the camera. Following their predetermined plan, he bent down and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her up as though she weighed nothing. He returned her to the ground when she had completed her task of tipping the camera downward. Scully left him and stationed herself near the partially opened door as a sentry. The rush of adrenalin that came from being involved in this potentially consequential operation felt good. This entire day, she and Mulder working together as a team again and actually *doing* something, made life almost seem normal. And the fact that they were having more fun with the whole thing then they probably should have...well, she wasn't going to complain just yet. part of her warned. Mulder booted up the computer and sighed in relief when he wasn't asked for a password beyond the one for the network, which he didn't need to access the programs he wanted. He quickly opened Eudora and promptly minimized it, clicking on the Netscape icon. A couple of quick Alt-Tab switches and he'd transferred the Eudora settings into the Netscape mail program. Frohike had taught him to take advantage of this common oversight a few months ago when he'd been trying to check a suspect's mail. He hadn't been able to figure out the password, and since he was operating unofficially and with a rather austere time restraint, he'd decided to call his friend for help. If this worked now, Mulder decided he sincerely would offer his video collection to the man in payment for this valuable information. He noticed his partner gesturing for him to hurry. Conscious of the possibility of listening devices in the room, Mulder merely nodded. Taking a deep breath, he brought the cursor to the bottom right hand corner of the screen and clicked on the envelope icon. ENTER PASSWORD: _____________ Mulder quickly tapped in the generic password, "welcome" and pressed Enter. Success! A single message was downloaded off the server, one with a familiar return address. _______________________________________________ TO: lancasanne@consort.com FROM: Composite_3@hakbri.trippy.org SUBJECT: re: CC: BCC: ________________________________________________ On our way... LGM ---112358A ________________________________________________ Grabbing a Post It from the top of the pad on the desk, he copied down the message and stuck it in his pocket. After sending an "Understood" reply, he deleted them both, exiting the programs and turning off the computer. He was just getting to his feet when his partner came rushing over. "Mulder!" Scully whispered harshly. "Someone's coming! I think it's Dave!" A plan popped into his head and he raced around the desk, grabbing his partner by the hand. He dragged her over to a chair and sat down, drawing her onto his lap. "Cry," he ordered, pulling her head down onto his chest. Scully did as she was told, making whimpering noises as she tried to bring tears to her eyes. "Fox?" Managing not to cringe at the use of his first name, Mulder greeted the man quietly as he came through the door. "Hi, Dave. " Dave walked over to them and laid a hand on Scully's shoulder. "Tough session?" She nodded without looking at him. "You could say that." "I'm off this afternoon. Do you guys want to talk?" "Scully?" Mulder began questioningly. Wiping her eyes, Scully lifted her head. "I'm tired. I think I just need to go lie down for awhile." She feigned a sad smile. "Thanks anyway, Dave." "Okay. But if you guys ever do need to talk and Annie's not available, don't be afraid to come find me, alright?" Mulder nodded his thanks and followed his partner out of the room, doing his best to keep the grin off his face. When the agents made it outside and a safe distance from the buildings, Mulder couldn't hold back any longer. In an uncharacteristic display of mirth, he burst out laughing. "Mulder, stop," Scully scolded as she dropped onto the ground beside him, though she couldn't prevent herself from smiling. "What was that back there?" "That, my dear Scully, is what you call thinking on your feet." "Well, if you ask me," she began pointedly,"you could have remained 'on your feet'. We could have just walked out of there and he never would have known. Don't you think you went a little overboard? It seems to me that you've been enjoying yourself just a little to much today." "Lighten up, Scully. Why shouldn't we have some fun with this?" He managed to stop laughing and drew in a few deep breaths. "I'm going stir crazy here and I KNOW you are, too. Besides, it'll all be over soon and then we can get back to our dull, boring, *serious* jobs." Her head snapped up. " 'Soon'?" Reaching into his pocket, he took out the Post It and handed it to her. "What does this mean?" Scully asked, pointing to the '112358A' he'd scrawled at the bottom of the message. "I didn't understand at first either," he admitted. "But now I think I do. I think it's their ETA." She narrowed her eyes. "Come on. You can't tell me they have it calculated to the second. Even *they're* not that good." Chuckling, he shook his head. "Well, I'm sure they'd disagree with that assessment, but you're right. That isn't a time, it's a sequence, and the next number is 13. " "One o'clock," Scully supplied, not even bothering to question how Mulder had been able to decipher such an ambiguous clue. "Yeah, but the 'A' would seem to suggest one in the morning." "So why didn't they just say one in the morning?" Mulder shrugged. "You know how Frohike is. He doesn't need much incentive to plant a disparate reference. He also has no qualms about making you feel pretty stupid if you don't understand. " Well, that WAS true, but he was stretching it a bit. But wishful thinking never hurt anyone... right away. Lying on his back, he tucked his hands under his head and closed his eyes. "What's your opinion on Annie's reaction?" he asked, changing the subject. "I've yet to form one. It's definitely a puzzle. " "I know," Mulder agreed. "I mean, no one else seemed to care we were out there today. Why should she?" Crossing her legs Indian style, Scully plucked a blade of grass from the ground by her feet and examined it thoughtfully. "Have you considered the possibility that the therapists are operating on a different level than the rest of the staff?" "Which would mean that Cole was telling the truth, as far as he knew. But how could people work here for any length of time and not question?" Scully released the small weed in her hand, watching it as it was caught by a strong gust of wind and carried away. "Maybe their tendency not to question is what landed them these jobs. It would explain their overall laid back attitudes." "In any case, the cavalry will be here soon and with their help, we should be able to get the answers. All we have to do is wait." Scully sighed. "We've been waiting for too long already. We still have no clear picture of why we're here. I think that should be our priority for the time being." "I agree. I want the nightmares to stop as much as you do. But," he reasoned,"unless you've had some sort of revelation, I don't see a way to go about it." He was silent for a moment. "Unless..." She waited for him to continue, growing impatient when he didn't. "Well?" Rolling onto his side, he propped himself up on his elbow to look at her. "You raised some objections before, so I wasn't going to bring it up until later." It took a moment before she realized to what he was refering. "But Mulder, Annie said she wouldn't..." But wait---he wouldn't suggest that when he'd been so adamant about keeping any memories a secret from their therapist. So what was he... Then it hit her---and so did the fear. "*You* want to regress *me*?" He nodded, not even phased by her amazing deduction; she'd been reading his mind for years. "You don't have to," he said immediately. "But if you really want to find out what happened, I think this is the only avenue we have open to us right now." He placed his free hand on her arm in a reassuring gesture, as if noticing her carefully masked discomfort. "It's your decision, and I should warn you that I've never done this before." "But you know how to, obviously." "I learned a bit in school and studied hypnosis extensively before my first regression. I'm versed in various techniques." Scully suddenly felt very tired. Her logical side knew that at this stage, regression was the only way. But in that logic came the reality of the loss of control that could threaten everything. "I don't know..." Misinterpreting her hesitation, he tried to put her at ease. "It's just me, Scully. You don't need to be afraid. " "I'm not afraid," she responded automatically. He raised an eyebrow. "Not of you, anyway," she conceded. "I just think..." She sighed and smiled helplessly. "I don't know what I think." "You understand that you're in control the whole time. You can come out of it whenever you want." "I know. I've gone under once before," she admitted. He sat up. "When was this? You never told me." "When everyone thought you had died. I told Missy when I found that thing in my neck and she convinced me to be regressed to find out how it had gotten there." Her expression turned sheepish. "I didn't make it through the session; I brought myself out of it and left the office." "Afraid of what you might learn?" he asked gently. Scully shrugged. "I guess." "But like I said, there's no need to be afraid. I'll be right there." she remarked silently. Had it been anyone but him, she wouldn't be as worried. If only she would have told him sooner, taken Annie up on her offer to help them sort through the situation. But as it was, could she really risk telling him now? No, not when they were this close to getting out. To have him fall apart now could prove disastrous. But she would have to tell him eventually. Once they got off the compound, there'd be no excuse not to, unless... Unless they didn't make it out with their memories intact. They'd go on with their lives and he would never have to know. Mulder had remained silent, sensing her inner struggle. But when seconds lapsed into minutes, he grew impatient despite of himself. "Well? Are we going to do this?" Having forgotten his presence, Scully looked up slowly at the sound of her partner's voice. The eagerness in his eyes drove her to make an abrupt decision. "I can't. I'm sorry." She felt unexpected tears prick her eyes and she stood, anxious to get away from him and bring herself back under control. "I'm sorry. I'm...I need to go lie down. I'll talk to you later." Mulder was on his feet in a flash. He trotted after her. "Hey, what is it?" Grabbing her arm, he turned her around to face him. "What? Why are you crying?" He moved to embrace her. Laying a hand on his chest, she held him back. "Don't. If you do I'll really start crying and I won't be able to stop." Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she managed a smile. "I'm okay. You know how I can get when I'm this tired. Come wake me up before session, alright?" "Okay. But don't fall apart on me here. Remember, '112358A'." He smiled reassuringly. "It'll be over soon." Mulder's smile disapeared as he watched his partner run off towards the APX, angered by his helplessness and frightened by her lack of strength. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X Not far away, two men sat conversing in a small office. "The message was received?" "It was down loaded off the server at 4:08 this afternoon. A reply was sent to indicate he understood." "Excellent. Make the necessary arrangements." "Yes, sir." "And their contact on the inside?" "He's being taken care of." "Well done. You're dismissed." "Uh, sir? I was wondering...what did the LGM on the message stand for?" "Little Green Men." "Clever, sir. " The messenger gave a mock salute and left the room. And Big Brother smiled. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X X-o-o-o-o-o-| END OF BOOK I |-o-o-o-o-o-X X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X X-o-o-o-o-o-| STRENGTH TO CARRY ON |-o-o-o-o-o-X BOOK II "In that purity lies strength..." ---Poltergeist III By: Missy~ X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X Summary: MID 4TH SEASON (Post-"Zero Sum")--- Scully's strength slowly fades as her secret eats away at her. But when Mulder receives the final blow, who will be left to defeat Big Brother and get them home? Category: S, A Rating: PG13 Mild 4th Season Spoilers, allusions to "Deep Throat" and "Darkness Falls". Disclaimers: Mulder, Scully and company aren't mine. Playing nice, TBR, don't sue, etc...Kudos to CC and 1013. Dedication: This one's for the Beta Reader of all Beta Readers, Kristine. I can't thank you enough for all your help and hard work. You simply rock. Comments (and Spooky Awards---hint hint) always welcome! Flames cheerfully NOT used for setting hamsters on fire. This also applies to any other potentially flammable rodents. They will instead be used for various household tasks not involving small, furry creatures named "Hammy" or "Jim Jim the Dog-Faced Boy"---GO FOR IT!!! Missy~ X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "Progress is a comfortable disease..." ---e.e. cummings PART 20: Paradox of Retrograde Progress... Awakening from the nightmare in a cold sweat, Scully was surprised to find her partner kneeling beside the bed, holding her hand. But even more surprising was that she remembered."Mulder, I-" "Slow down. You're alright." Moving to sit with her, he handed her a tissue and brushed her hair back from her face. "Bad one, huh?" She nodded miserably as she dried her eyes. "What are you doing here? Is it time for session." "No, we still have a half hour. I just...I saw this coming. I thought I should stay close by." Smiling her thanks, Scully crawled out from under the covers. "I need to take a shower. I'll meet you over there, okay?" Standing under the hot stream of water, Scully recalled as much as she could, mentally cutting and pasting to create some semblance of order out of the jumbled pieces. Something told her it was the same nightmare as always, but her memories suggested now that it was merely that, a nightmare. What she'd seen in her dream conflicted with what she'd convinced herself was the truth and for some unfathomable reason, she was having a hard time letting go of what she'd previously accepted as reality. But she needed to let go and she knew that. Mulder had once said that the truth would save them and now she was inclined to agree; if all this time she'd been wrong, there may be hope for them yet. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "I want to do it, Mulder. Right here, right now." Mulder's mouth dropped open and he managed to get out a squeaky,"Pardon me?!" Scully rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Get your mind out of the gutter. That's *not* what I meant." He chuckled somewhat nervously. "Sorry. You just caught me off guard." Having left her after session to read to Abby, he'd hoped she'd take some time to consider his earlier suggestion. Apparently he hadn't quite convinced himself it was possible she'd agree. "What changed your mind?" Leaving her place by the open window, she shrugged. "I'm not sure," she lied. "But I just need to know. Is the offer still open?" "Of course," he answered. "I'm glad you reconsidered." He glanced around the room. "Are you sure you want to do it in here?" She nodded. "Yes. Right away." During the past hour, Scully had fought and won the fierce battle to banish all doubt from her mind. Now she just wanted to get it over with, and she was beginning to feel anxious. "But, Scully, what about..." "What?" she asked impatiently. "You know---Big Brother." "To hell with Big Brother!!" she nearly screamed. Immediately she lowered her voice to a harsh whisper but none of the rage left it. "I don't give a damn about Big Brother. This has gone on long enough. We need to know what we're up against before we go any further." "Okay, okay," Mulder gave in immediately. "Calm down." What was happening to her? He'd never seen her in this condition, undergoing erratic, unwarranted shifts of emotions so rapidly he had trouble keeping up. With no precedent to refer to, he wasn't sure exactly how to handle the situation. "Can we at least look around and see if they've planted anything since we last checked?" He prepared to execute the duck-and-cover method and was surprised when it proved unnecessary. "Alright, but let's hurry. You have to be out of here by final bed check." After a five minute period of searching, Mulder wasn't satisfied that the room wasn't wired but no bug had been found. He had no choice. Mulder explained a few different procedures to her, and she chose the one she felt most comfortable with. He helped her select a control number and location, then suggested she change into her pajamas. She agreed and did as he instructed while he returned to his room to get his glasses. Scully produced a notebook and pen from a drawer, handing them to her partner as she joined him on the bed. "Why don't you lie down?" he suggested as he slipped on his glasses and then opened to a new page. "No," Scully instantly protested. "I want to stay sitting up. Help me, Mulder," she insisted as she began to arrange her pillows at the head of the bed so she would be comfortable sitting back against the headboard. Mulder took hold of the comforter and gave a few sharp tugs, untucking it from the mattress. "Here, let's use this." He folded it over to provide more cushioning, then positioned it behind her. "How's that?" "Good. Thanks." She leaned back and took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm ready." He took her hand briefly and squeezed it. "Then let's get started. I want you to take some deep breaths and then begin at 40..." X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "24...23...22...21...20..." "Scully? Can you hear me?" "Yes," came the calm reply. "Good. We've entered what we're going to call your 'comfort zone'. Do you remember what you chose for this? I want you to go there now and tell me what you see." "Okay...I'm chasing you up the hill...I try to tackle you, but you were ready for me...You twirl me around until we get really dizzy and fall down..." "Now what are we doing?" he encouraged. A smile appeared on her face. "We're lying on our backs and looking up at the clouds." "Good. And it's very peaceful, remember? Peaceful and safe and relaxing." "Yes..." "From now on, Scully, when you hear my voice here on the outside, I'm talking to you from that hill. We are BOTH on the hill, happy and safe and together. Do you understand?" "Yes." "And everything else you see or experience is only a memory---memories of the past that can't hurt you anymore. You have total control over your mind and what you choose to remember." "Alright." "Good. Now starting at nineteen, keep counting down until you can access the memories we're looking for, each number bringing you to a deeper level of unconsciousness." "19...18...17..." Mulder stopped her at 11, afraid that if he let her go too far in he would have trouble bringing her out again. "Can you bring me to the night that you were taken?" "I'll try...I'm in bed, sleeping. In the motel." "Where am I?" "You're...I don't know. I was waiting for you to call; you said you would...But I was so tired all of a sudden...I *had* to go to sleep. I'm sorry." He made a note of this as he said, "That's alright. Let's not worry about that, okay?" He was quiet for a moment, contemplating how he should proceed. "Can you take me to the time when you wake up?" "I'm in...it's a big room, but..." "Are you alone?" "No, I'm not. There's a lot of others..." "Can you see their faces? Do you recognise any of them?" "No...There's two...two..." "Two what, sweetheart?" he coaxed, the term of endearment leaving his lips unnoticed. "You're my eyes in here, Scully. I need your help." "Two...levels. Everything. I can't...I can't! It's not right! What is-? It's not!! Why is this happening?! It isn't right!!!" Seeing that she was beginning to lose control, he felt it necessary to intervene. He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Scully? Can you feel me on the outside? We're here on the outside, on the hill. Do you remember?" The nearly inaudible voice that answered him wasn't recognisable as his partner's. "It isn't right, Mulder. I'm sorry." A small smile curved his lips. "I know. It's alright. You're doing great." He let his arm drop to his side, releasing her back into the world of her memories. "There's someone beside me...I can almost see his face in the space between the two...I don't know who he is...He's... God, he's touching me, he's doing something...NO!" "If this is too hard for you, I want you to count back up a little-" "No! No, I'm alright. He's hiding again in the two..." "Okay, Scully. Can you tell me what he did to you?" Her brow furrowed in the effort to remember. "I'm confused---I mean, I was confused." She sighed in frustration, doing all she could to retain the knowledge that none of this was really happening. "And tired. Everything's going all wiggy... Wait---I know what he's doing. He's anaesthetizing me...Now he's gone...someone else is standing beside me..." "Who?" "...I'm so tired..." A long pause."I'm all alone now, in a different place. I'm sore all over...I don't like being here all by myself...Where are you? Can you come and get me?" Her childlike tone nearly undid him."If you'd like, you can skip ahead to a time when we're together. Would you like to do that? Just skip ahead." "Alright..." "Now, tell me what you see." "I don't understand. Why is there two? It's hard to see...Wait! You're here! There's only one. You're just one." She sighed in relief. "You're just one..." "What am I doing, Scully?" "Just walking...There are three others, but they're two... You see me coming up behind you and you start to struggle with the men...I tell you to stop and you listen." "Can you talk to hi---me? Ask where we're going?" "'K..." She was silent for a few moments. "The place. We were called to the place." Mulder removed his glasses and rubbed his weary eyes. "What's 'the place'?" Another pause. "I'm trying to remember...NO! There's two! I don't know which one!!! Mulder, make it be one!!!" She continued to plead as the tears began. Mulder was close to tears himself. "Shhhh, Scully. Am I still there? Focus on me, on one. Can you do that?" "Where are you? I don't...there you are." She calmed almost immediately. "You're waiting for me...you don't want to go to the place alone. Okay, I've caught up. We're close now. There, I see the door..." "Follow me through the door, Scully," Mulder instructed. "Let's see what's inside." It was very difficult to see, and even more difficult to move. It was as though she wasn't supposed to go through, as though something was trying to keep her from going inside. But the outside Mulder had told her to follow, so that was what Scully was determined to do. She stepped through the door. Immediately she recognised her surroundings. "I've been here before," she told the outside Mulder. "It's the room I woke up in the second time." She turned her head slowly to survey the room, fighting nausea as the distortion of 'the two' played with her senses. A man came up beside her and took her by the arm. "Mulder? Mulder, they're separating us." The voice of the outside Mulder was strong in her mind. "That's alright. Just go where they lead you." Tethered to the other side by his voice of reason, she dared not defy his instructions out of some irrational fear of somehow becoming caught on the inside. "They're taking me to a smaller room, like the one I first woke up in...But..." She could hear a skirmish arising in the room she'd just left and knew instinctively that her partner was making trouble. When her attendant turned his back, she bolted. Mulder was being strapped to a gurney by four burly men whom she assumed were security personnel. Her eyes darting around the room, she took a quick inventory of things she might use to help him get free. But the confusion of looking into the two hindered her from formulating a plan fast enough; her attendant had caught up to her and was now restraining her arms from behind, pulling her back into the room. Mulder's voice suddenly seemed to come at her from both sides and her heart rate quickened. Then an identical voice joined with the other two from inside her head. "Scully? What's going on?" "You're two, now," she told him. "One of you is tied to a gurney, and the other..." She squinted into the two to find him, her stomach and mind reeling at the exertion. "Is on the other side of the room, talking to a woman..." She trailed off as recognition set in. "Oh, my..." "Scully, who is it?!" "Samantha...but that's not possible!" A huge lump appeared in Mulder's throat, threatening to choke him. With great effort, he swallowed it down and tried to think. Up to this point, he hadn't even attempted to analyse the duality his partner had been describing. But now he had to. He had to understand. Was her confusion caused by him not doing this right, or could these superimposed images come from previous hypnotic programming? Was it that one was real and the other wasn't? Could she simply be seeing what she wants to see? What she knew he would want her to see? But it would have to be a clone. She couldn't have seen the real Samantha, if this had even really happened. Despite all this, what really weighed in his mind were her last words: "...but that's not possible." So many questions and no way to find the answers... without her help. "Scully, I want you to freeze this moment in your mind." "I can't!" "Yes, you can. Look at the two Mulders and freeze it." "I can't look into the two." "Scully, please try," he pleaded. "I have to know." Even in her hypnotized state, part of her understood the significance of the statement. "Okay...it's done." "Thank you, Scully," he said quietly, sniffling. "Now, I want you to look at it carefully. Can you tell which one is real? Is it the one on the table, or the one with Samantha?" "I...I don't know...I'm sorry, Mulder...I can't tell..." She began to sob. He should have brought her out then and there, but he needed to find out. "Scully, listen to me. I want you to return to the outside, now." "Okay..." She quieted substantially, though the tears continued. His abating patience only allowed her a minute to regroup before sending her back in. "We're going to have to go deeper, Scully. Start at 8 and count down a little lower, Scully." "8...7...6...5..." "Alright, that's good. Now, can you still see the image?" "Yes." "Tell me which Mulder is real." There was a long pause, and Mulder was just about to repeat the question when she finally spoke up. Her answer was soft, torpid, as though being delivered in slow motion. "I think it's the one on the gurney...there's less distortion...Yes, that's the real one." A strangled sob escaped his throat. But with great effort, he managed to hold himself together, bringing practiced detachment into play. He addressed his partner. "Good job, Scully. Now slowly, I want you to start counting back up, going back through the levels until you reach your comfort zone. Starting at five..." His partner said nothing. "Scully?!" he began in a louder, frantic voice. Had he taken her too far? "Scully, please..." His voice had been reduced to little more than a incoherent buzzing inside her head. Scully mentally batted it away, much as one would swat at an insect. The scene in front of her had started up again but it was as though she was no longer part of it. She knew not whether she had become part of the two, but suddenly her body seemed to release her, and she was able to take a few steps toward what she could still recognise as the "real" Mulder. But someone else beat her there. And that someone was a second Samantha Mulder. Reality suddenly managed to punch through, shattering the illusion. Following her partner's voice, she began to push her way back up... The counting began abruptly. "5...6...7...8..." Mulder began to cry in relief. Stopping her when she reached 20, he took her hand. "You there, Scully?" "Yes, I'm here." "Are we back on the hill?" She nodded slowly. "Can we stay here for awhile, Mulder? I'm so tired..." "Sure." He checked his watch. "But I'll have to leave for a little while." "Will you come back?" "Of course. You sleep." Easing himself off the bed, he moved his partner's unconscious form so that she was lying under the covers; she'd appear to be sleeping when a "curfew buster" or the floor nurse on duty came in to do the bed check. They probably wouldn't care but tonight he needed to be careful. "I'll be back soon." Mulder returned to his room, changing into sweats before sitting down at the table. To keep himself from totally falling apart, he busied himself with the task of completing the written record of what had just transpired. He was just finishing when he heard a soft knock on the door. "Come in," he called. "You settled in for the night?" Ruth asked, not leaving the doorway. He nodded, removing his glasses and plucking the notebook off the table. "But I was wondering..." She smiled, predicting his unspoken request."Go ahead, Mulder. Tell her I said good night; she was sleeping when I went in there." "Thanks, Ruth. I will." Mulder practically flew to his partner's room. "Scully?" he ventured quietly as he climbed onto the bed beside her, switching on the small bedside lamp. "Hi, Mulder." "Are you ready to come back now?" "I'm ready," she affirmed. "Count?" "From 21 to forty, each number bringing you closer to your normal level of consciousness. When you reach 40, you will awaken, remembering only what you want to remember." She did so and her eyes fluttered open. "Mulder?" "Welcome back," he greeted, smiling. "How do you feel?" She thought for a moment before replying. "I'm not sure...kind of strange. And tired. How did it go?" "Good. But we can talk about that in the morning." "But-" Mulder planted a quick kiss on her forehead to silence her. "Tomorrow," he promised, turning off the light. As Scully snuggled further under the blankets, he mentally chided himself for his cowardice. The possible significance of her little "it's not possible" remark bothered him. Could she really have learned something and not told him? Pulling the armchair over to the side of her bed, he sat down and just watched her as he contemplated further. Finally he found himself about to ask her about it, but she was already asleep. He wasn't sure whether to be relieved or anxious, but he'd waited this long to learn the truth. He could wait for one more night. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "...Then they came for me---and by that time no one was left to speak up." ---Pastor Martin Niemoller PART 21: Rectification of Names... Awakened by her rumbling stomach, Scully was up much earlier than her partner, who had fallen asleep in his chair. Quietly so as not to disturb him, she slipped out of bed and grabbed some clothes from her closet, then retreated to the bathroom to get ready to go out. She then retrieved her laundry bag from the back of the bathroom door and set off. On her way to the laundry room on the second floor, Scully stopped at the attendant's station to pick up a requisition form; the kitchen wouldn't have breakfast out for another half hour, so she decided to stop procrastinating and fill it out. She was running low on a few things anyway. The older woman manning the station was engaged in a hushed, frantic phone conversation. She put the caller on hold when she noted Scully's approach and tried to force a small smile but couldn't quite pull it off. "Miss Scully, what can I do for you?" "Can I get a requisition form?" Scully asked, biting back the question her curiosity was prompting her to ask the obviously troubled woman. "Sure," she replied, opening a desk drawer and producing the form. "You'll have to get it in by noon to be processed or it won't make it out with tonight's order." "Alright." Scully took the form and was about to head for the elevator but couldn't help herself. "I'm sorry, but I noticed you seem kind of...anxious. Is everything okay?" The woman was about to answer but stopped herself. "Thanks for your concern but I can't discuss it." Scully was taken aback but just nodded nonchalantly and walked to the end of the hall. She fought the urge to pass on the empty elevator car that arrived and go eavesdrop instead. It wasn't easy; she wasn't nosy by nature, but the woman's attitude was very odd---normally the staff were so open. When the door closed behind her, she made a plausible connection and a slight frown touched her lips. Could it be the guys? Had something happened and they'd been seen...or caught? Impossible. With the promise of such a grand adventure, not to mention the stakes, she couldn't imagine Frohike and the other two ever making a slip *that* big. So what else could it be? The laundry room was devoid of life and she was silently grateful. Emptying her clothes onto the top of a dryer, she busied herself with separating lights and darks, a mindless task that allowed her to think uninterrupted. She didn't remember anything that had happened during the regression but she had the strange feeling that she could if she wanted to, if she really tried. But suddenly she realised she didn't want to try. After starting the washing machines and quickly filling in the requisition form, she went to the empty lounge across the hall and sat in the window sill. Staring blindly at the rain-soaked grounds below, she let her mind go blank. A commotion near the Tower shook her out of her daydreams nearly 20 minutes later. Slipping on her glasses, she squinted to make out what was going on. She knew only one of the men by name: Alex, one of the second shift curfew busters. Two others were familiar, but the last obviously didn't belong. He was an older man, clad in a dark suit and carrying a briefcase. He seemed angry, and the others from the staff appeared to be intimidated. Another suit was approaching, and then they all disappeared into the Tower. The FBI agent in her encouraged her to go and investigate, but she fought it. She knew that if it was important enough, they'd take appropriate security measures and she wouldn't have a chance of finding anything out. And if it wasn't that important, she'd hear about it later from one of her nosy neighbours. After transferring her clothes to a dryer and setting the timer, she headed for the dining hall. Scully found only a few familiar faces among the early bird crowd, so after picking up her breakfast, she decided on a table nearly out of earshot of the clump of people in the middle of the room. Gazing out the window as she ate, she allowed her mind to wander, hoping to banish the lurking memories that had, despite her earlier efforts, come to seem almost tangible. Several minutes passed, and then her concentration was broken by the sound of anger and tears. Abandoning her half-eaten meal, Scully approached the others. "What's going on?!" she exclaimed when she saw their faces. The circle that had formed parted slightly to allow her admittance and she felt a comforting arm slip around her shoulders. She recognised the owner of the arm as Emory Griggs, a pleasant young man she'd met on her first visit to the Silver Tower and since then had occasion to engage in a few light-hearted ping pong matches. But the smile she'd come to know as a permanent fixture on his face was nowhere to be found and the feeling of dread that had formed in her stomach suddenly worsened. "Em, what is it?" His sad hazel eyes were turned upward as he fought tears. "It's Chris." "What about him?" She knew the answer but the questions kept coming. "Was there an accident of some sort? Is he sick? Is-" "He's dead, Dana." Emory's words prompted another round of sobbing amongst many of those gathered, as though saying it aloud made it happen all over again. Scully wasn't ready to join them just yet. "What happened to him?" she asked quietly. Emory released his hold on her and wiped hastily at his eyes. "I saw Alex Kipling in the Tower this morning and he said suicide; he was one of the guards that found him there. But that's all I've heard." Scully didn't know what to say. So she said nothing. She kissed Emory softly on the cheek, nodded to the others and walked from the room. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X Mulder slipped on a flannel shirt without buttoning it, and was just reaching for his toothbrush when he heard a soft knock on the bathroom door. "Come on in, Scully." He put toothpaste on the brush and popped it in his mouth."What's up?" he mumbled around it, not even turning to verify that it was in fact her. Shutting the door behind her, Scully crossed to him and sat on the counter beside the sink. The reality of her friend's passing had yet to hit her, so she was still relatively calm. "I just heard that Chris killed himself last night," she stated bluntly. "I don't know what took place, just that they found him dead in the Tower early this morning." Mulder began choking on the toothpaste. Leaning over the sink, he hastily spit and rinsed his mouth while his partner rubbed his back to ease the coughing. Scully kept talking. "He wouldn't have done it, Mulder. He's been here for months and he was supposed to be going home soon. He wouldn't have given up when he was this close. It was either an accident or somebody got to him. Or maybe he's not even dead! Maybe the whole thing was staged, and..." Her voice broke and a few tears began a slow journey down her face. Mulder had succeed in catching his breath and moved toward her. "Oh, Scully." Standing between her knees, he took her gently by the shoulders and pulled her to him. "I'm so sorry." Burying her face in his shoulder, her arms slipped inside his open shirt and snaked tightly around him. A few pitiful whimpers was the extent of her outside reaction but on the inside something snapped. The events of the last while had built up and become too much to deal with. "I want to go home," she sniffed, nuzzling his neck. "I know," Mulder mumbled, not able to return the sentiment. Home held nothing for him: His job was dark and dangerous and provided more questions than answers. Beyond his mother, he had no family to speak of. His quest to find his sister had left him dejected and miserable as each opened door seemed to slam in his face. Scully was essentially all he had, though their relationship...Well, it offered little room for growth, at least not the kind of growth he secretly wished for. But here, everything was different. There were still more questions than answers, but they were safe, or so it seemed. The issues that had followed him from the night his sister had been taken were surprisingly being dealt with, with Annie's help. And he had Scully all to himself. It wasn't an ideal situation, but it was much better than what he had waiting for him back in DC. Scully pulled back from him and fought to regain her composure. The embarrassment she once may have felt was not even furtively present, replaced instead by a reluctance to let go. Her partner seemed equally reluctant. He remained where he was, wiping away the moisture on her face and removing the mascara smudges from under her eyes with a tissue. "There," he said as he finished ministering to her. "Feel better?" She shrugged and made the mistake of considering the question. Tears burned her eyes and the oxygen level in the room seemed to diminish. "I need some air," she announced suddenly. "But it's raining." "I'll sit under the awning." Gently pushing him away, she hopped off the counter and then drew him to her again. "Come with me, okay?" she requested with only a hint of hesitation as she buttoned his shirt for him. He regarded her curiously for a moment, then nodded. "Alright. But can we stop by the dining hall so I can get a cup of coffee first?" And so it was agreed. He led her through the connected buildings to avoid the rain and got his coffee without incident. Then they made their way back to the APX and ventured outside onto the covered tract. Someone had beaten them there. Emory Griggs stood as they approached. "Hi, Dana," he greeted softly, motioning for them to sit at the table. The agents did so, Scully pulling her chair as close to Mulder's as humanly possible. Noticing this, Mulder stifled a smile and slipped a hand into her lap, setting it lightly on her thigh in what he meant to be a soothing gesture. Scully's eyes widened in surprise but neither of the men seemed to notice. "Mulder, this is my friend Emory. Emory, this is my...my partner, Fox Mulder." The younger man shook Mulder's hand before reclaiming his seat across the table from Scully. "I hope I'm not intruding, but I heard you tell someone in the mess hall you were coming out here and I really needed to talk to you." "Not at all," Mulder assured him. "How can we help you?" He gulped back the remainder of his beverage and waited for the man to speak. Glancing around warily, Emory lowered his voice. "It's about Chris." Scully's expression remained neutral but she moved to cover the hand that still rested on her thigh with both of her own. "Tell us," she coaxed. "Chris was my best friend but he knew a lot more than he let on, even to me. Since he didn't have the means to do anything about it, he became frustrated and uncooperative, which could have been one of the reasons he was kept here so long." He paused and grinned sadly. "And then you arrived. He finally seemed hopeful. He wouldn't have given up." "So what you're saying is," Mulder began in an equally hushed voice,"that you suspect foul play." Emory shrugged non-committally and reached towards the empty chair beside him, picking up a large envelope. "It was almost as if he expected this to take place; he told me a few days ago that if he was released or if something happened to him, I should give this to you, Dana." Laying the envelope on the table, he quickly checked his watch. "I've got therapy soon---I'd better go." He was halfway to the door when he turned. "Keep me informed, will you?" Scully nodded in confirmation and watched her friend enter the building. Mulder extracted his hand from his partner's grasp and looked to her for permission before picking up the envelope and ripping open the seal. "More journal entries," he reported, leafing through the sheaf of papers the envelope had contained. "Except this. Here." He extracted the top sheet and placed it on the table in front of her. Scully hesitated. "What is it?" He shrugged. "I just saw your name on it." He pushed it closer. "Read it," he encouraged, leaning towards her to read over her shoulder. Skimming the first paragraph, a teary chuckle escaped her lips. "You were right, Mulder. He *was* checking out the competition." Mulder smiled and rested his arm along the back of her chair. But he was already two paragraphs ahead and encountered the substance of the letter before his partner did. "Whoa, check this out." He pointed out a passage halfway down the page. Scully read it quickly, then raised her eyebrows and turned slowly to look at him. "Well, well, well..." X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X This time many miles away, Big Brother sat with his feet up on his desk, enjoying a hearty laugh at the expense of those on the security video he was watching. He wasn't impressed when a knock at the door interrupted his fun. Hitting the "pause" button on the remote, he called, "Come in." One of his less powerful associates sauntered in. "I see you got the tapes." "I stand in awe of your deductive reasoning," he said dryly. "What can I do for you?" The man's expression remained neutral. "I thought you'd like to know that it's done." Big Brother allowed himself to smile. "And their reaction?" "I'll have the tapes to you by noon." "Good." Unpausing the tape, he turned his attention back to the TV by way of dismissing the man. But he didn't leave. "Sir, may I ask a question?" Sighing in annoyance, he put exaggerated effort into turning down the sound. "Go ahead." "Why are you playing with them like this?" Big Brother chuckled and lit a cigarette. "Because I can." X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "Ah! what is not a dream by day To him whose eyes are cast On things around him with a ray Turned back upon the past?" ---"A Dream", by Edgar Allen Poe PART 22: Truth's Day-Star... It took Annie a few moments to word her response to the agents' question. "It...It is true, yes. Mr. Leary is dead." "Suicide?" Scully thought the woman's frown seemed almost nervous as she responded, "What else would it be?" "I don't know," Mulder began innocently. "An accident, maybe. The result of a medical condition." Annie seemed to relax a bit. "Oh. No, it's been ruled a suicide." "On account of what evidence?" She paused. "I'm not sure, exactly. I haven't been given all the details." Scully picked up the questioning. "I find that hard to believe. I assume you'd be privy to that information." "Perhaps, but it *did* just happen this morning." "Still," Scully said. "You wouldn't be so disinterested as to not ask about it, would you?" "Why do I feel as though I should have a lawyer present?" Annie asked with a small smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Is this supposed to be an interrogation?" "Of course not," Mulder told her. "I'm sorry if it sounded like that but just remember who we are. Old habits die-" "I want to see the body," Scully interrupted. "That won't be possible," Annie shot back immediately. "Even if it would have been permitted, it's too late. Mr. Leary's remains were removed from the compound at around 4:30 this morning. The corpse is being flown to his family for burial." "Oh, really?" "Yes. And I believe we should end this right here. We're obviously not going to get anywhere today." She took a deep breath and with great effort masked the harsh edge of her tone. "I may have some more details for you this afternoon, but let's make something quite clear: I refuse to undergo another impromptu interrogation. I will gladly share with you all I know about the situation, but I will not be pressured." Mulder was about to comment but was silenced by a look from his partner. He followed her noiselessly out of the room. With a reflex glance at the surveillance camera she knew was recording every move she made, Annie's shoulders sagged in relief. Surely They couldn't find any fault in how she'd handled that. Hell, They wouldn't even care. It was Him. It was ALWAYS Him these days. < Whoever put that demented, sadistic bastard into power should be dragged out into the street and shot > she thought vengefully as she walked to her office and picked up the phone, dialling His suite number from memory. For now, she'd do as she was told. < But if I'm supposed to block the maze, I've got to know where He's hidden the cheese. > "Yes, this is Dr. Lancaster from the rehab centre. I need to talk to Him..." X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X Mulder let himself in quietly, setting the bag of his partner's clothes he'd collected from the laundry room on her bed. "Hey, Scully. I got your clothes and dropped off your req form," he reported. "Thanks," she said absently. From her chair facing the window, Scully gaze was fixed on his reflection in the glass. Seeing his mouth moving but the sound that left it coming from behind her evoked a sickeningly familiar sensation. "Finished reading? " Mulder inquired lightly, noting the rolled up notebook she was gripping in her lap. "Yeah." The regression records were as detailed as any case report and written in a detached, objective manner. A little *too* objective for her intents and purposes. Some subjectivity may have given her a clue as to how she should approach this with him. She decided to let him call the shots, planning not to hold back but to not volunteer anything, either. "You remember, don't you?" his reflection asked her gently. "Some of it," she admitted. "It's kind of hazy." Moving closer to rest a hand on her shoulder, he was finally able to see what held her attention. Mulder met her eyes in the glass and in a mild tone void of accusation, jumped in feet first. "When you saw my sister, you said something I don't quite understand." He saw her head lower. "You know what I'm talking about, don't you?" "I think so," she answered softly without looking up. He crouched down in front of her to make her look at him. "Is there something you need to tell me?" Glancing downward, she nodded. "It's serious, isn't it?" "Yes, Mulder. It is." He took a deep breath. "Then let's get our cards on the table. Tell me." Scully stood, brushing past him and making her way toward the bed. Pushing the laundry bag onto the floor, she picked up the stuffed pig Ruth had brought her after the chemo and hugged it to her chest as she tried to collect her thoughts. "I don't know how to say this. I should have told you a long time ago." Hands in his pockets, Mulder stood before her and waited. She opened her mouth to speak but then stopped and closed her eyes momentarily. "Please don't get angry at me." "I won't," he said immediately, trying not to sound impatient; he still wasn't used to having to coddle her. "You have to promise," she insisted in a pleading voice. "You're going to get mad because I didn't tell you right away." "I won't get angry," he assured her. "I promise." She patted the bedspread next to her. "I think you'd better sit down..." X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "If ill, why hath it given me earnest of success commencing in a truth?" ---Macbeth, Act 1, Scene III "Macbeth" PART 23: Blink (From Scone to Colmekill)... "...And he...You were really sick, Mulder. I didn't want to wake you; you just would have gotten worried, or knowing you try to drag your ass out of bed and come with me. " Mulder regarded his partner disbelieving."You went with him? A total stranger?! You could have gotten yourself killed!" Normally Scully would have given him the usual speech about being too protective of her and all the stupid and dangerous things HE'D done lately. But this time she didn't even consider it. "He said I had to come with him if I wanted to know the truth. And I believed him." He was about to comment but stopped in his anxiousness to get to the punch line. "Barratt said he was acting on behalf of someone we knew quite well but that's all. I don't think he even knew the man's name." Scully frowned. "I figured it was the Smoking Man, but for some reason I'm not so sure anymore." "He said he was going to bring me to see Samantha," she continued. "Now that, I didn't believe. But I went anyway. On the way, I pestered him with questions about where she'd been all these years." She paused for a moment to make sure Mulder was still with her. "Go on," he coaxed. "What did he say?" "He said she'd been living somewhere in the States, that her memory of her childhood had been erased. She'd been adopted by people who were working for her abductors, but they treated her like a daughter." Scully smiled. "Samantha was apparently married and had children. You're an uncle, Mulder." He didn't return the smile. "You're speaking in past tense. She's dead, isn't she?" It was perhaps the hardest thing she'd ever had to do, but she nodded. "I don't believe it," Mulder said immediately. "They knew you'd need proof, so they kept her body in cryostasis. They let me do the autopsy. It wasn't a clone, Mulder. The DNA, blood-type, all of it, matched with your sister's records." "But cloning would produce the same effect!" he protested, sounding desperate. "There's more," she said firmly, refusing to back off until her story had been told. "There was no green goo like there has been every other time. And there were signs of an old injury that would have occurred before she was taken." "A broken collar bone," Mulder guessed, though he already knew the answer. "Yeah. And the thing that convinced me was the age of the body. There are ways of determining a person's biological age accurately to within about a year." She paused for a moment, fighting for control over her emotions. "It was a match, Mulder. So unless they've made incredible improvements in such a short time and they'd started using her DNA for cloning shortly after she was born..." So there it was. And for some reason, he believed her. Mulder was silent for a long time and Scully dared not interrupt his thoughts. It was inevitable at this point that he was going to blow up, and the last thing she needed was to be the focus of his rage. But as the minutes passed, she began to doubt that the outburst was coming at all. Her tears dried on her face as her mind raced for something she could say or do to comfort him. Mulder felt a hand touch his arm tentatively but he pulled away. He couldn't bear to look at her, to be touched by her, but not because she had been the unwilling bearer of bad news. Few times in the years since her abduction had his sister truly seemed real to him. He was like a religious fanatic striving for an eternal reward he couldn't mentally or emotionally define. And even now, in his acceptance of her death, the reality of it all eluded him. He felt grief but not in the way he'd imagined he would. He knew his baby sister was gone. He knew his battle to reclaim his past was over. But what dominated his thoughts were all he had lost in that battle, all Scully had lost... What a waste. "Selfish bastard," he mumbled to himself. "What?" The anger began to build up inside of him. Anger for the lost years, for the lost loved ones, for his own naive stupidity of ultimately believing in happy endings. It exploded in his mind, searing through every part of him until he visibly started to shake. He had to get out of there, *now*, before he did or said something he'd regret. "I...I need some time," Mulder muttered in a carefully controlled tone. "Mulder, wait," Scully pleaded. He didn't even hear her. Keeping his eyes turned downward, he walked quickly, uncontested, from the room. Scully's own breakdown was delayed for a few moments as she attempted to brush away the overwhelming feeling of deja vu this entire conversation evoked. Delayed, but not prevented. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "This way began my journey, This day ends together, Far and away.." ---"Book of Days", Enya PART 24: Preserving the Borrowed Robes... Scully left her evening session in tears. Annie had assured her that Mulder was fine; when he hadn't shown up that afternoon for therapy, a staff member had been assigned to keep an eye on him. But this did nothing to abate her concern. Not having eaten since breakfast, Scully brought food to her room from the cafeteria and forced herself to eat, despite her lack of appetite. The effort proved futile when she wasn't able to keep her meal down. She was just coming out of the bathroom when she heard a soft knock on the door. Thinking it could be Mulder, she bounded across the room and flung the door open. "Hi, Miss Scully," the young girl greeted her shyly. Utterly disappointed, Scully pasted on a smile for the child's benefit. "Hello, Abby. Is something wrong?" "Uh-uh. I was just looking for Fox. He was s'posed to read to me. Did he forget?" "Maybe. I don't think he was really up to reading tonight." Abby frowned. "Why not?" "Well," Scully began gently, "Mulder just found out that his sister...that his sister died a little while ago." "Like Chris did?" Scully's voice cracked slightly. "Yeah, like Chris." The girl considered this carefully. "He must be sad. Do you think I could write him a note?" This time her smile was genuine. "I think he'd like that very much." She led the child into the room and got her a piece of paper and pencil. Sitting at the table, Abby's brow furrowed in concentration as she composed the note and constructed it carefully in her childish script. "I am sory abot your sistor. I love you. Frum Abby." Satisfied with her effort, Abby folded the paper over once and handed it to Scully, who promised to deliver it as soon as her partner returned. The child thanked her and headed off to get ready for bed. Scully brought the letter next door immediately, placing it on Mulder's pillow. Then she sat down and waited. Minutes passed. She moved to the window and began to scan the grounds for any sign of him. Finally, she couldn't wait any longer. She had to find something to focus on until he came back. And she had just the thing. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Dana?" "Hi, Emory." Emory Griggs stepped aside to allow her to pass, closing the door behind her. "What is it?" He motioned for her to sit down. Perching on the edge of the bed, Scully extracted something from her pocket. "I have a few questions about a reference Chris made in this letter." At the mention of his friend, a pained expression transformed his features for a fleeting moment. "Are you sure we should talk in here?" She was about to agree, but at the last second before answering, she denied the indulgence of her growing paranoia and shook her head. "What I need to ask you would be of no consequence to Them." Accepting her assurances, he took the letter from her and skimmed it quickly. "What do you want to know?" "I'm curious about the sudden change in the chain of command," Scully answered as she took a quick glance around the room. It was much like her own, with the exception of the view; while her window faced the Tower, his was pointed outward and she surmised it provided a beautiful view of the sunset. "It was about two days before you came. We were all called to the meeting room in the Tower and Gil introduced the guy who was replacing him." "What does he look like?" Emory had to think for a moment. "Young fellow; late 20's, early 30's maybe. Ummm...short, dark hair, medium build." He looked at his guest sharply when she sighed in either disappointment or relief. She gifted him with a small, unreadable smile. "Just not who I expected. Anything else?" "Well, there was a rumour going around but I don't know if there was any truth to it; I was sitting in the back of the room." "What is it?" "They say he had an artificial hand, maybe an arm. This came from the young ones sitting on the floor near the front, mind you. Anyway, I'll point him out to you tomorrow morning at the memorial service." "Thanks," she said and then cut directly to her next question. "Since he's been here, have there been any significant changes of any kind?" "A *lot* of things have changed. The staff were thrown into a big game of musical chairs, some of them demoted, some promoted to brass and sent out to eat with the suits in the hidden buildings. And some were transferred right off the compound, as far as we can tell." "Any idea why?" Scully inquired. "Chris had some theories but I don't know myself." "Anything else?" "Well, Lancaster's become a real bitch, but I don't know if that's exactly relevant." He grinned, then stood to answer the knock at the door. "First warning for curfew," the attendant announced loudly enough for Scully to hear and then left without another word. Emory offered her a hand up, returning the letter to her and then embracing her quickly. "We'll have to finish this tomorrow." "Thanks for your help. See you at the service." X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X The room was dark minus the dim moonlight shining through the window, silent minus the sound of laboured breathing originating from an invisible source. Scully didn't turn on the light, perhaps out of fear of what she would see. She stood still for a few moments as her eyes adjusted, then ventured further inside. "Mulder?" "I was wondering when you'd show up," came the reply. Scully could make out the outline of his form sitting on the bed facing her. "I had to wait until Ruth was finished her rounds. Where...where were you? I was worried. I thought..." "Suicide, Scully?" He chuckled demurely. "That would be too easy. Besides, I had someone tailing me all day. Apparently you weren't the only one who was worried." She took a step closer. "Are you...okay?" "Let's see...My sister's dead, my world is crashing down around my ears and I can't do a damn thing about it...Yeah, I'm just peachy." She paused. "You're angry at me." "No," he said immediately, his tone softening substantially. "No, I'm not. I'm sorry. I'm just angry at myself." The tension that had consumed her relented a bit and she moved to sit beside him. "You shouldn't be, you know." He sighed. "You, of all people, know that I absolutely should be." After four years of reading his mind, she knew exactly what he meant. "Mulder, we've been through this. We-" "It was different then! I didn't know about-" "Yeah, but I did!" she shot back. That silenced him. For some reason that was something he hadn't thought to consider. "I don't blame you," she continued. "Maybe...maybe I did once but that changed a long time ago." She smiled in the darkness. "*We* changed. And I meant what I said before; I wouldn't want to go back." Mulder sniffled, shaking his head and smiling sadly through his tears. "I don't deserve you." "No, you don't," Scully agreed with a chuckle as she slipped a cold hand into his. "But I'm stuck with you, and you don't see *me* complaining." Lifting her hand upwards, he allowed his lips to brush her knuckles briefly. "Well, not right *now*, anyway," he jested, but couldn't hold the lightsome mood for long. "There are things we need to discuss. About what happens now." She sighed. "I know. But you're exhausted and so am I. I think we should wait until we're awake enough to discuss this rationally." Without waiting for his reply, Scully extracted her hand from his grasp and crawled up to the head of the bed, climbing under the covers. Mulder promptly joined her. If she was willing to put it off, he wasn't about to fight her on it. Lying on his side, he tucked one arm underneath his head and the other snugly around his partner. If you had told Mulder before their abduction that someday he and Scully would be in this position, he would have said that you had too much time on your hands if that's what you'd been thinking about. Either that, or shot you. But now he couldn't imagine things being any other way. He hoped what she'd said about not wanting to go back applied to this as well. He was just starting to drop off when a question came out of the blue that snapped him back to full awareness. "Mulder, are you going to leave the X-Files?" Groaning, he tightened his hold on her. "What happened to waiting?" "I've been thinking about it for a really long time," she began truthfully, ignoring him. "About what would happen if Samantha was found...either way. About whether or not you'd want to go on. What's going to happen to...to the work? To..." At the sound of a choked sob escaping his partner's throat, it became painfully clear that he wasn't going to be able to escape this tonight after all. "Shhhhh. Rationally, remember?" he reminded her gently. Taking a deep breath, she nodded. "Rationally," she repeated, then paused. "So?" "So I've been asking myself that same question all day and I haven't found an answer. The work hasn't been *just* about Sam for a long time..." "But...?" she encouraged. "But finding my sister seemed like an attainable goal. It...and you...was what kept me going. It gave me a reason to carry on." "But there are other reasons, Mulder," Scully insisted, not liking where the conversation was heading. "What about the Cancer Man and his group? All the shit they've put us and everyone else through? Isn't bringing those bastards down a good enough reason?" He was taken aback by the desperation displayed at falling back on such hackneyed language. But he still didn't agree. "Not exactly an *attainable* goal, Scully." "But not an *impossible* goal, either," she asserted. "You've gotten this far. You can't give up now." "Well, I was thinking of maybe leaving the Bureau and going into private practice. Then I could pursue this without so many restrictions." He stopped to wait for her reaction. It took awhile for her to respond. "What about me?" she asked quietly. He couldn't help but chuckle at her tone. "Scully, do you really think I'd leave if you weren't coming with me? This is something we're going to have to decide together." He yawned. "But not tonight." Scully relaxed under his assurances. She could handle an uncertain future as long as the most important part was agreed upon. Settling back into her partner's arms, she closed her eyes. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "...It's not alright now... There's nothing strange about it You need to know your friends..." ---"Clumsy", by Our Lady Peace PART 25: (Un)familiar Faces... Mulder and Scully sat huddled together in the back of the assembly room, watching in silence as speaker after speaker paid their respects to their deceased friend. The blown up photograph of Lieutenant Christian Leary in his Navy uniform was displayed in the centre of the stage next to the podium, adorned with flowers. All of the patients and the entire staff, both on and off duty, had gathered in the Tower for the memorial service, nearly overflowing the room. Emory was the final speaker. His speech was simple and honest, and anyone who hadn't already started crying was moved to tears. Even the children, who'd been getting restless, seemed to recognise the profundity of the moment and remained relatively quiet for the duration. Concluding with a prayer as he had been instructed, Emory stepped off the stage and a suit whom the agents didn't recognise thanked them for coming and granted dismissal. As people began to file out of the room, Scully allowed her partner to pull her to her feet. "There's Emory," she said quietly as she caught sight of him making his way towards them. Scully left her partner's arms long enough to wrap Emory in a warm embrace, then returned to him. "That was beautiful, Em." Emory ducked his head, embarrassed. "Thanks. I didn't want to say anything when they asked me. But..." He shrugged. "Anyway, I promised you last night I'd point Him out. This may be your only chance for awhile." He turned away to scan the crowd. "What's he talking about?" Mulder whispered in her ear. "Big Brother," she told him in an equally quiet voice. "Here he comes." The agents couldn't see him through the crowd from where they were standing, so they stood and waited patiently for the man to move closer. He approached Emory first, and they still couldn't see his face but they *could* see his left hand quite clearly. It was indeed a prosthetic limb. "That was very moving, Mr. Griggs. I'm sorry for your loss." "Thank you, sir." Turning to face the agents, the man nodded his condolences and then walked off. Emory turned back to them. "So? Do you know him?" Mulder and Scully looked at each other. And simultaneously shook their heads. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "I'm going to lie down for awhile," Scully told her partner as they returned to the APX after their afternoon session. "You up for a nap?" "Always," Mulder said with a fitful yawn, following her into her room... And bumping roughly against her when she stopped abruptly, nearly knocking her off her feet. "Assistant Director Skinner," Scully whispered almost reverently. Skinner stood, smiling. "It's "Director" now, actually." Neither of the agents was impressed. "Tell me you're here to take us home," Mulder said, not even bothering with a greeting. He hadn't expected that reaction from them, having been assured they were being cared for. "Have things really been that awful? Are they treating you badly?" The agents were visibly deflated by the unspoken "no" that came through loud and clear. "Of course not, sir," Mulder said with carefully crafted sarcasm and a smile. "It's been a real barrel of monkeys." Their boss was obviously getting angry, though for once not at them. "I'll talk to him," Skinner stated confidently, and the agents knew he was referring to the Smoking Man. Normally, either or both of them would have insisted he do nothing of the sort. But it had been too long. They were more than ready to go home. "Sir," Scully began, almost fearing what his answer would be. "What's today's date?" Skinner's eyes narrowed. "You don't know?" he asked skeptically. "For god sakes, just answer the question," Mulder snapped. He did so. "So what you're saying is," Mulder said slowly, trying to get a grasp on the reality of it. "What you're saying is that we've been gone for almost five months." "That's right." Scully sagged heavily against her partner. "Surely you were aware..." Skinner trailed off as it became obvious they'd had no idea. Leading his partner to the bed, Mulder made a disgusted noise. "They haven't made us aware of a whole hell of a lot, sir." Sitting down beside Scully, he continued. "They've been playing with our minds since the first day we woke up in this place. Which, by the way, was just over a week ago. So if you happen to know what the hell they were doing with us for the other four and half months, please, feel free to share." The venom dripping from his last words surprised even him. Skinner was just opening his mouth to speak when there was a knock on the door. "Mr. Skinner?" a voice called. "You have to leave now." The door opened and a two brawny members of the security staff admitted themselves. "Dammit, Skinner, answer me! When are we getting out of here?!" The men had him by the arms and were leading him out of the room. "I'll talk to him," Skinner promised again and then was gone. And from his office, Big Brother laughed at what he knew was to come. He only wished he could be there to witness the fireworks. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "Fancy thinking The Beast is something you can hunt and kill!" ---"Lord of the Flies", by William Golding PART 26: Rowlock... Sitting side by side on the edge of Scully's bed, the agents brooded over their situation. "You okay?" Mulder asked finally. "And don't even bother to say you're 'fine'." "Where are they?" Scully asked out of the blue, apparently not having heard his question. Either that, or not bothering to dignify it with an answer. Mulder blinked. "What?" "Frohike and the others. It's been days." She cradled her head in her hands, feeling a headache begin to settle in. "I didn't want to bring it up, but I've been thinking about it a lot." "I don't know. I can't bring myself to believe something happened to them, but we should have received *some* word by now." He sighed loudly in defeat. "So I guess that's it. We're pretty much stuck here for the duration unless Skinner can manage a miracle." "For the sake of my sanity, I think I'm going to have to presume he can." "You might as well begin the walk to the looney bin now, partner," he commented. "Let's face it---We're not going anywhere for awhile." Damn that man. Couldn't he at least have the decency to humour her? She shot him a Look. "Go to hell, Mulder," she spat, almost meaning it. Mulder just smiled sweetly. "Only if you'll come with me, Scully," he replied, then turned serious. "I think our best bet to combat the insanity is to stop fighting this. There's nothing we can do, so we might as well save our energy and ride this thing out. Spending our days worrying about it won't get us anywhere. I can think of so many more enjoyable activities to fill our time." With that, he stretched out across the length of the bed, ignoring the afterthought that his last comment sounded distinctly as though he was propositioning her. She didn't seem to care anyway; she obviously had more important matters on her mind. "I don't understand this, Mulder. You just found out your sister is dead and you don't seem to care. Why does this appear to be affecting me more than it is you?" He frowned. "Scully, this is killing me. But I spent a lot of hours yesterday wrestling with this. My search for Samantha has kept me from really living, and I refuse to let her death do the same thing." Met only with silence, Mulder continued. "I'm tired of obsessing. Some day this is going to jump up and bite me in the ass and it will have to be dealt with. But until then...let's just take a break from worrying for a while, okay?" The hush that followed was too sullen and serious to befit his intentions. He attempted to lighten the mood by lightening his tone. "Now, I believe we were planning to take a nap." Propping his head up on the pillows, he looked at her expectantly. "You go ahead," Scully said dejectedly. "Not worrying goes against my nature." Standing, she headed for the door, feeling unexpected tears prick her eyes. Mulder suddenly appeared between her and her destination. "God, you're not going to cry again, are you?" Shaking his head, he wrapped his arms around her. "Tell you what---if you must, you can do the worrying for the both of us, okay?" Hugging him back, Scully chuckled, and the ease between them was magically and instantly restored. "How did we end up like this?" she mumbled into his chest. He shrugged. "You complaining?" "Not about most of it." She lifted her head to look up at him. "But if I cry this much if and when we get home, promise me you'll shoot me and put me out of my misery." "That's *when*, and you have my word." He kissed the top of her head then led her back to the bed. "Come on, partner. Let's get some sleep; God knows we can use it." This time, Scully didn't even think of resisting. As she settled under the covers, she directed a silent prayer for her boss' safety to whoever might be listening beyond the ceiling. If their prior experience was any indication, he was going to need it. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Mr. Skinner," the Smoking Man greeted congenially. "Congratulations on your promotion." "Shut up, you bastard." The Smoking Man just smiled. "What can I do for you?" Taking a seat behind his desk, Skinner glowered at the older man relaxing on *his* new couch in *his* new office as though he owned both. The sick part was that he practically did. "As I'm sure you're aware, I just came back from visiting Mulder and Scully at the centre." "I was aware, yes. How are they doing?" "How the hell do you think they're doing?" Skinner nearly growled. "The asshole you have assigned to their care has been playing with their minds and I don't know how much more they can take. We had an agreement." "I've fulfilled my part of the agreement," he reminded him. "Agent Scully's health has been restored. And I threw in Agent Mulder's for free; the affects of his exposure to the substance he encountered in Russia have been eliminated. Plus, his memories of your involvement with me have been suppressed hypnotically." He paused to take a long drag off his cigarette. "What more do you want?" "I want you to let my agents come home." "That won't be possible," the Smoking Man told him. "They haven't completed the program. Besides, they are being well cared for. There's no reason to worry." "No reason?!" Skinner stood and approached him purposefully. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about! I saw what they've been reduced to; they used to be two of the strongest people I know, and now they're both a mess! Who's running that place?!" "Someone you know well, actually." He flicked ashes onto the floor at Skinner's feet. "I owed him a favour, so when he heard of this little venture and volunteered, I couldn't bring myself to refuse him the opportunity. He's been allowed to operate under his own discretion in this matter. I trust him with this implicitly." He smiled again. "So what ever you saw, or *think* you saw..." Ripping the cigarette from his hand, Skinner fought to contain his rage. "Get out of my office," he hissed tersely. "Or what? You'll put some bullet holes in the wall of *this* office?" Chuckling, the Smoking Man left him with a warning. "Watch yourself, Skinner. Remember who's holding the reins." He did his best to make it seem as though the man's words had been meaningless as he sauntered from the room. But even as the Smoking Man stepped into the elevator, he was reaching for his cell phone. He'd be needing the helicopter in the morning. It was time for Krycek to be dealt with. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Scully!" Waking up suddenly, she was greeted by Mulder's smiling face hovering over her field of vision. "Hmmm?" "You were dreaming. You okay?" Sitting up, she realised she was in Mulder's bed. "What time is it?" He switched on the light for a split second so he could check. "4:06 am," he reported, yawning. The confusion left from being startled awake still clouded her thoughts. She'd been reading, she recalled, waiting for her partner to return from Abby's room. "I...I don't remember falling asleep. How'd I get in bed?" "I carried you; you nodded off in the chair and I didn't want to wake you." Mulder pulled her back down onto the pillows, yawning again. "Nightmare?" "Yeah." Shivering, she folded her arms across her stomach and inched a bit closer to him so that their bodies were just barely touching. "About Samantha again." "Again? You never told me; I thought you couldn't remember." "Well, not most of it..." Scully continued to stare at the ceiling. "I keep having these dreams where I see you talking to her---the adult, not the child. In the Place, I think, but I'm not sure. I couldn't hear what you were saying, though." "And?" "Then someone tries to take me out of the room." She shrugged. "That's it, really. The rest is fuzzy, at best." He could sense something deeper was troubling her. "Something bothering you, Scully?" "No. I..." "Come on," he coaxed. "You can tell me." "I know..." Sighing heavily, she turned her head in his direction."The truth?" "That's a silly question." "Alright." Drawing in a deep breath, she began. "I guess I'm just a little afraid." "Afraid of what?" "I don't want you to leave the X-Files," she told him quietly. "I want to see the Cancer Man and the rest exposed. We've worked too long and lost too much to just give up." Mulder groaned in weary exasperation. "I don't know if I could go on, Scully. I don't know if we *should*. We don't have an excuse anymore---let's go out and get lives." She looked at him sharply. "What about the truth?" "I've found the truth...the part of the truth I was really after." "And the rest?" He paused. "Unimportant." "Really?" Mulder didn't answer. Okay, this wasn't working. Time to hit below the belt. "What would it mean for us? We wouldn't be partners anymore." Unphased, Mulder turned onto his side to look at her. "Exactly," he stated. She waited for him to continue but he didn't, as though that one word explained everything. "What's that supposed to mean?" He just smiled, the darkness not masking the evil gleam in his eye. Then she understood. "Get real, Mulder." "Excuse me?" he huffed playfully. "Why is that so inconceivable?" Scully became visibly flustered. Finally: "I'm not having this conversation with you!" Thank God, Mulder breathed silently. "Fine. Then let's go to sleep." Cagey son of a..."No, you don't. We haven't finished-" "Nope, you said we weren't going to talk. So goodnight." Rolling onto his back, he closed his eyes and waited. He could sense her heated gaze fixed on him for several moments, then she seemed to give up. He raised one eyelid tentatively, unable to believe he could get away with his little detraction so easily. Scully was lying on her side, her face housing a thoughtful expression, her mind considering long suppressed emotions. And she found herself wondering if he'd been serious. When she realized she was being watched, she smiled. Then she kissed him on the forehead and turned away, settling back under the covers. Well, that conversation hadn't gone as well as she'd hoped. One of these days, he was going to have to make a decision. She could only hope it would be the right one, because its effects would change everything...for the both of them. But it was a troubling thought of a totally different variety that ushered her to sleep that night. *What if she ISN'T dead?* X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Sir, what a nice surprise." Big Brother stood as the Smoking Man entered his office. "I thought you might be stopping by." "Mr. Krycek," he began, not bothering with a greeting, "I've received a report that you've been operating beyond the established policy in this matter." He took a seat in front of the desk. Krycek sat as well. "Let me guess---a bald little birdie whispered it in your ear," he said with a sneer, slipping a hand inside his jacket pocket and closing it around the gun he'd placed there when he'd been informed of the older man's arrival. "Something like that," the Smoking Man allowed. "Would you care to enlighten me as to exactly how far out of bounds you've ventured?" "Lighten up," he replied, gripping the gun tighter when he saw the older man stiffen at his relaxed confidence. "I've just been screwing with their heads a bit. Hypnotic programming can be quite entertaining...if you have a bit of creativity. God knows Mulder deserves it after all he put me through." The Smoking Man kept his anger tightly in check. "The last time I checked, I was still in charge of this operation." "The last time *I* checked," Krycek countered,"I was still in possession of the leverage. If They find out you lied to them about the digital tape and what you've done with it, AND your deal with Skinner, not to mention how you handled the whole "black oil from space" situation..." He made a slashing motion across his neck and laughed. "You're crazy." He didn't contest the assessment. The old guy was probably right. He said so, then added, "If you'd been through HALF of what I have, your sanity would have suffered too. Trust me." The retrospective air in his tone dissipated. "But crazy or not, I'm operating the rowlock and there's nothing you can do about it. You can't expect me not to milk this for all it's worth." It was at that point when the Smoking Man decided it was worth it to wipe that smug expression off Krycek's face. This wasn't that much fun any longer. "I could kill you, you know," he baited him. "My associates have been given their instructions as to how to proceed in the event of my death. Whether by their hand, or by the hand of your group when they find out what my people have to say..." His formality was suddenly broken as a grin appeared on his face. "You're dead, asshole." Oh, yes. It was definitely worth it. The Smoking Man returned the smile and quickly drew his gun. "Perhaps, but so are you." X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "Truth lies at the end of a circle." ---Edgar Allan Poe PART 27: Attend the Beam in Thine Own... The Smoking Man had made himself at home in Krycek's office, the body of the former occupant having been removed immediately after the unfortunate "accident". "What the hell is this?" he muttered to himself after finding the report on Christian Leary's untimely demise. Reaching for the phone, he tapped the number for an outside line and contacted his new second in command. "I'm calling a meeting of the senior staff...Yes, therapists as well...Cancel all afternoon sessions...No, have them come here---I'm not on the compound...1:00 PM in the main meeting room." Hanging up, he booted Krycek's PC, planning to access his files and evaluate the harm the man had brought on the project. An hour later, the Smoking Man shut down the system and leaned back in his chair, lighting yet another cigarette. he assured himself for what seemed like the millionth time that day. But he was far from convinced. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "...Thank you for your tolerance these last few weeks. That will be all." The Smoking Man watched as the relieved staff began to file quickly out of the room. "Ms. Lancaster, may I have a minute?" Annie approached him cautiously, taking the seat he waved her into. "Sir?" "I understand you're caring for the FBI agents." "Yes, sir." "Are they progressing well?" She paused. "Considering," she began carefully, "considering what they've experienced, I'd say yes. However, Mr. Krycek's little games haven't helped matters." Putting out his cigarette, the Smoking Man allowed himself a smile. "Well, you needn't worry about Mr. Krycek anymore. I'll be overseeing the agents' care personally and I assure you his replacement will undo any damage to the project as a whole." His pledge seemed sincere and put Annie at ease. "I think I speak for the entire staff when I say we're grateful." Acknowledging the appreciation with a nod, he asked, "Have you learned anything in your sessions with Mulder and Scully that I should perhaps be made aware of?" Annie shrugged. "They've been holding back about recent events. They don't trust me totally, or anyone else here, which is certainly understandable; Mr. Krycek made it quite clear that many details that would normally be freely shared with the patients about the compound and the program were to be withheld. I believe the other patients were given similar warnings, though most gave no indication. Plus," she went on, "there's the whole situation involving Samantha Mulder." The Smoking Man raised an eyebrow. "And what "situation" would that be?" Annie was equally surprised at his obvious ignorance. "Dana came to me privately one evening, upset because she'd put off telling her partner about Samantha's death." "Death?" "Yes, sir. She described a meeting with a man who allowed her to perform the autopsy. She was quite convinced." "I see." Reaching inside his jacket, the Smoking Man retrieved a pack of Morleys, extracting one and lighting it. "Has Mulder been made aware of this information?" "Yes, sir." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "In your opinion, are they ready to begin conditioning?" "To be truthful, I think you should move them immediately and do any necessary conditioning *while* they're on the drug." She looked him in the eye. "They've been through enough." Exhaling a lungfull of smoke, he nodded. "I'm inclined to agree. Would you be willing to stay here to help them with the transition? There'll be a bonus in it for you." "If you throw in some vacation time off the compound after they're returned home, I'd be happy to." "Ms. Lancaster, you have a deal." Getting to his feet, he shook her hand and then escorted her to the door. "I'll send someone to collect them at once. Can you begin the preparations here?" "Right away, sir." Pulling out his cell phone and going about making the necessary arrangements, the Smoking Man made his way back to his new office. Upon his arrival, he settled into the chair behind the desk and mentally began to plan. Krycek's final words continued to bother him. If his threat had been genuine, he could be in some real danger very soon. And he had no reason to believe the man had been bluffing. He decided to import a few members of the security personnel from the compound to watch his back until he returned to DC. After that, Director Skinner could no doubt be coerced into taking charge of his safety--- he still had sufficient material to blackmail the man into submission. And so the Smoking Man relaxed a bit, though from now on, he'd always be on his guard. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X Something was definitely going on but the staff refused to give the agents a clue as to exactly what. They were looking forward to their afternoon session, hoping Annie could provide them with some answers. Well, *Scully* was looking forward to it; Mulder didn't appear to be very concerned. It was only fitting to Scully's recent luck that they received word their therapist was off the compound and their meeting was subsequently cancelled. The majority of the patients had taken advantage of the opportunity and organised some kind of event in the gymnasium. Neither of the agents had felt like attending, so they instead holed up in one of the smaller rooms on the top floor of the Tower. With a little effort, Mulder managed to procure control of the Super Nintendo from a lone 12 year old and engaged Scully in a game of MarioKart after convincing the kid, in no uncertain terms, to get lost. Both of them were enjoying the chance to focus their mind and energy on something, but by the fourth round, Scully's mind began to wander. "Mulder, let's try again," she said out of nowhere. "Try what?" he asked, punching "start" on the keypad to pause the game. "To get out of here." Groaning, Mulder was about to protest but was cut off. "Come on," she coaxed, turning off the Nintendo and getting to her feet. "What have we got to lose?" "Scully..." he whined childishly, standing as well. "Mulder, I'm sick of waiting. I have to feel like I'm *doing* something." Wrapping her arms around his waist and looking up at him, her lower lip jutted out to accentuate her pouty tone. "Puh-lease?" Rolling his eyes, he submitted. "Who could say "no" to a face like that?" Scully grinned, the prospect of impending action filling her with energy. "Thanks. Let's grab some stuff and go." She moved to step away from him. Threading his thumbs through her belt loops, Mulder held her against him. "You owe me for this," he told her. Eyes sparkling, she raised an eyebrow. "What do you have in mind?" "Oh, I don't know..." He trailed off, suddenly serious. Recognising the change of atmosphere, she regarded him curiously. "What?" "This thing with my sister...I'm going to need your help to get through this when we get home." He partially reverted back to his lightsome mood and smiled down at her. "That's what you owe me." She smiled back. "I think I can manage that." Bending to her level, Mulder kissed her softly. "Let's go." After "stealing" some food from the cafeteria, they went to their rooms and packed it in a knapsack, which Mulder volunteered to carry. Then they set off, having no plan of action but, oddly enough, not caring. They were just moving towards the playground when a familiar voice rang out from behind them. "Fox!" Forgetting momentarily about their purpose, Mulder stopped, reaching down to lift young Abby into his arms. "Hi, Abby. What's up?" "The Movers are looking for you," she told him. "I heard my nurse say so." Mulder had no idea what she was talking about but her tone made it obvious it was something important. "Who are 'The Movers'?" he asked her. "They come to take people away," she stated simply. "I wanted to see you before..." Her eyes filled with tears. "I don't want you to go." Hugging the child tightly, Mulder glanced at his partner. Finally, he set Abby on the ground, crouching down to talk to her eye to eye. "Listen, Abby. I need you to do something for Scully and me, okay?" She nodded, sniffling. "If anybody asks you about where we are, you can't tell them you saw us, okay?" "Okay." She threw her arms around his neck. "Now go on." He pulled away and gave her a nudge back toward the buildings. Scully offered him a hand, hauling him upright. "You sure you want to do this? There's no guarantee..." He tightened his hold on her fingers. "Let's do it." Plan pending, they broke into a run. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Mulder!" He tried to go to her but the strong arms that restrained him were immovable. "It's okay, Scully. Let's just go with them." They'd eluded their pursuers for over an hour, but as the reality that they had no place to go was realised, their drive diminished and eventually they'd surrendered. Now the agents were being loaded into a van---not the usual jeep, they noted--- and driven off to God knows where. Scully continued to struggle, but Mulder calmly remained in his seat, his only words being those of comfort to his partner. They arrived nearly an hour later, *where* exactly the agents were unsure. But Mulder suspected they had gone through the door under the fence and were no longer on the compound. The building they were ushered into was relatively large and modern, it's halls quiet and sterile like a hospital's. Mulder couldn't shake the feeling that he'd been there before. "Sir, you'll have to come with us," commanded one of the attendants as he began to pull him away from Scully. "No," Annie ordered. "We're going to take them together." Mulder nodded his thanks and returned to his partner's side. He slipped an arm around her waist and drew her closer. They were led into a large room that would have resembled an emergency room had it not been so void of life. "I've..." Scully looked around again. "I've been here before." "This is where you received medical treatment during the period of time before you were transferred to the compound," Annie explained as she brought them to a cubicle lined with medical equipment. Waiting for them was an older woman with greying hair and kind eyes. Annie introduced her as Dr. Rebecca Allen, then addressed Mulder. "Why don't you come with me so the doctor can examine Dana?" Smiling reassuringly at his partner, Mulder allowed himself to be led away. He followed Annie into a small cubicle not unlike the one Scully now occupied and hopped up onto the examination table. "Annie, can I ask you some questions?" "Of course." Mulder was taken aback; that wasn't the response he'd been expecting. "When will we be allowed to go home?" "You are aware of certain things you're not meant, or not wanted, to know. When we can be sure you won't be able to retrieve these memories, naturally or by any other means, you will be returned." He viewed her skeptically. "Don't you think we're going to notice if big chunks of our memories are missing?" Annie actually smiled at this. "No, you won't. You'll equipped with a set of convincing memories, or explanations for lack of memories, to take their place. You'll also gain back the time you spent here during your treatment, with slight alterations, of course." Mulder was understandably not jumping for joy over this news. But he remained as calm as humanly possible under the circumstances. "I know that even if I don't find anything... strange...about what I remember, I'm going to undergo regression hypnosis." She shook her head. "We're prepared for that. A rather strong suggestion will be planted that will make a hypnotherapist unable to delve beyond the memories we have allowed you. This, of course, can be released by anyone knowing the control word, in case it is ever necessary." "How much of reality will we actually remember? And tell me about this control word." Annie was preparing to launch into a long explanation, then stopped herself. "Mr. Mulder, I see no point in me answering that---one thing you *won't* remember is this conversation." "But...my sister. Will I remember what happened to her?" She shrugged. "That's not up to me." She paused. "Do you *want* to remember?" she asked finally. Mulder considered the question carefully, at last answering, "I'm not sure." Annie nodding, indicating she understood. "In any case, I advise you not to fight this; you will *not* be released until your treatment is completed." "How long with that be?" "That will depend a lot on your level of cooperation in the early stages. These stages are usually completed on the compound, but I've had you brought here so it can be focused on, and therefore speed up your progress. It's a very intricate procedure." She excused herself to go and check on Scully for a moment and then returned, bringing the doctor with her. After Mulder had received a cursory examination, Annie continued. "Now, I need you to go in and talk to your partner. I'd suggest you say your goodbyes, as it will be necessary to keep you segregated from one another during your initial conditioning and then throughout most of the procedure." "But-" "I'm sorry, Mulder, but it's unavoidable," she told him sincerely. "If it's any consolation, your awareness of the separation will be esoteric at best. Please urge her to cooperate, for your own sakes." Mulder sighed in resignation. "I'll try to convince her. But I still have more questions for you. What about-" Annie raised a hand to silence him. "Perhaps later, Mr. Mulder." She led him back to where Scully was waiting. "Take all the time you need." X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X "Scully?" "Mulder." She slid down off the table and stepped easily into his embrace. "Are you okay?" "I'm fine. I was just talking to Annie." Mulder explained what he had been told. "Why can't we stay together?" Scully asked when he'd finished. "They've kept us together this long." He shrugged. "We'll be okay," he told her, not quite convinced. "It won't be for long." Tangling his fingers in her hair, Mulder pulled her head down to rest on his chest. "You scared?" She nodded. "A little." "Me, too," he admitted. "But let's not make this any harder than it has to be." Forcing himself to move away, he offered her a hand and she took it. "Let's go." They found Annie waiting for them outside the cubicle, along with attendants ready to escort them to their respective areas. Right before they parted, Mulder pulled his partner into a final hug. "Hang in there," he whispered. "We'll be home soon." For the next three weeks they saw each other for mere minutes at a time. But Annie had been right---they'd barely been aware of the other's absence. At last, Annie reported to the Smoking Man that the time had come. He agreed and ordered that Agent Mulder and Agent Scully would finally be sent home. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "The stars move still, time runs, The clock will strike, the devil will come, And Faustus must be damned." ----Christopher Marlowe,"Doctor Faustus." PART 28: "After the Battle's Lost and Won"... "Dana, sweetheart?" The voice that reached her through the confines of sleep seemed strangely familiar. A strain from her distant past stepping out of time to revisit her in slumber. A reminder. A tease. A ghost. "Wake up, Dana." The voice was louder now and she could feel herself stirring against her will. With great effort, she opened her eyes, trying to focus on the source of the disturbance. The recognition grew slowly, part of her mind unable to accept the information her senses were providing. But as the last vestiges of sleep left her, Scully finally realized the figure before her was no ghost. "Mom?" The woman beside her bed immediately began to weep, resting her head on her daughter's stomach. "Yes, Dana. It's me." "Where...?" "You're in the hospital, just for observation. Everything's fine." As Scully tried to process this, she was suddenly very aware of her partner's absence. "Mulder. Where's Mulder?" she asked in a groggy but near frantic voice. "He's fine. He's a few doors down. You're both safe. You're home." That was all she needed to hear. A willing prisioner of her mother's embrace, Scully began to cry. And, finally, her tears were tears of happiness. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X Mulder's first conscious breath was spent asking to see his partner. "Not yet, Mulder," Skinner told him. "She's still asleep. Her mother's in with her." "Where are we?" he asked, trying too quickly to sit up and nearly passing out in the process. "Slow down," Skinner scolded as he picked up the bed controls and handed them to Mulder, who raised himself upright. "You're in Memorial. Nobody knows exactly how you got here---there's no record of your arrival." "How long...?" "Not long. A few hours, maybe. They're keeping you overnight for observation." Skinner stood as he checked the time. "I have a meeting to get to. You should rest. Is there anything you need?" "No, sir. But, about work..." "Your old job is waiting for you, don't worry. Take as much time as you need," Skinner told him. Mulder shook his head adamantly. "I want to get back to work as soon as possible. I'm sure Scully will feel the same." He was about to protest but decided against it. He shook Mulder's hand and then left. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X When Skinner stepped into his office, he was startlingly aware of the quality of the air---void of smoke. He checked his watch. He was a few minutes late. The Smoking Man should have been there by now; he was the one who had "requested" the meeting, after all. Skinner sat down at his desk and began to go through his mail, eventually moving on to other tasks. Forty five minutes later, he gave up waiting and decided to go home, more than a little confused, though perhaps a little relieved he'd been excused from this confrontation. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X For a reason he couldn't quite pin-point, Mulder was fighting a twinge of nervousness as he walked into his partner's hospital room the next morning. "Hey, you," he exclaimed a little too cheerfully. Scully sat up when she saw him. "Hey yourself. Where have you been?" She patted the space beside her in invitation. Instead opting to take his customary place at the foot of the bed, he shrugged. "I came to see you last night but you were already asleep." Sensing his discomfort, Scully felt her own previously contented demeanour transform in reflection of his. "Did you talk to Skinner?" "Yeah," he answered. "He was there when I woke up. He said we could go back to work whenever we're ready." "Right away," Scully insisted. "That's what I told him. I thought I'd head in after lunch and see if we still have an office." He echoed her chuckle half-heartedly. "When are you getting out of here?" "Probably not for a few days. No doubt I'll be poked and prodded until they can think up some explanation for what happened to my cancer." "Oh." An uncomfortable silence followed. "I saw your mom last night. She came to check on me." "She said she was going to." It was really strange to have to grasp for things to say after all they'd been through together in these last few months. But they were in another world now---the *real* world---and that seemed to make all the difference. "Well," Mulder said finally as he slipped off the bed, "I guess I'd better get home. Can you believe Skinner kept our apartments for us?" He tried to grin, but failed. "Call me if you need anything, alright?" "I will," she told him, though she knew she wouldn't. "See ya." "Bye." Scully waited for her goodbye hug but it didn't come. As she watched him go, she admitted to herself that deep down she hadn't really expected it would. It was definitely another world they'd stepped into. The shackles of professional edicts had affixed their long-forgotten tethers to them once again. And in a display of might, they had jerked them apart an acceptable distance. If all this had occurred in a matter of hours, what would become of their relationship after days? Weeks? Months? Would they forget? Scully certainly hoped not. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X "After tomorrow, well, I have some thinking to do..." ----"Millenium's Eve", by Ed Stewart Part 29 PAGES5: Near Miss... It was nearly midnight when Scully gave up trying to sleep and went to root through the top drawer of her dresser. She finally returned with the object of quest, slipping back under the covers and donning her reading glasses. Opening the worn diary for the first time in over six months, Scully flipped to a clean page and began to write. Well, I'm finally home, though it's been such a long time that it barely *feels* like home. My mom offered to stay with me for a few days, but I refused; I just want to get back into my routine as soon as possible...if I can remember what my routine is. I haven't been sleeping well. I guess I'm just not used to sleeping alone anymore. Yet another thing that will have to be re-learned, driving me to exhaustion in the process. I still have the dream about Mulder and Samantha talking to one another. It makes me wonder if it's just wishful thinking or a manifestation of a repressed memory. Some parts of the last six months are hazy, so the latter could be a possibility and I may decide to undergo regressive hypnosis. But in any case, even after all that's happened, I'm as determined as ever to aid Mulder in his search for the truth, whatever that may be. And I know that his quest to find his sister will always provide him with the Strength To Carry On. I'm thinking of trying to contact my friends from the hospital, Chris Leary and Emory Griggs. I figure I should wait a few weeks in case they haven't been released yet, which is probably true in Chris' case---he was a real trouble-maker. I'm glad to be home; the absence of my family, my friends and my work had really begun to affect me in the later days of our... forced sabbatical. But six months is a long time and as irrational as it seems, I miss what I left behind---the people, the security, the relaxation, the emotional healing and the Mulder I had the privilege of meeting there. And while the first four are necessarily lost, the latter seems to have bailed out of its own accord. That's perhaps what pains me the most. I've only talked to Mulder once since he left the hospital: He called yesterday to check up on me and to see when I'd be joining him at work. I think he misses me---God knows I miss him. But it's different now. The comfort between us is gone. I don't like things the way they are. I have yet to understand the motives of our abductors and doubt I ever will. I am grateful for my physical healing but the mental and emotional ramifications of losing six months of my life will need to be dealt with. This is not something I'm looking forward to. Scully sighed deeply as she removed her glasses and rubbed her weary eyes. Flipping off the light, she settled back under the covers and began again her pursuit for a restful night's sleep. No such luck. The apartment was so...quiet, empty. As was her bed. She'd never felt so lonely in her life. And the more she contemplated the silence the worse she felt. She wondered if Mulder was feeling the same way... No longer able to fight the emotions that hadn't been far from the surface since she'd first set foot in the apartment that afternoon, she gave in to the tears as she reached for the phone, praying her partner was still awake. X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X Greeted with the harsh tones of a busy signal, Mulder hung up the phone. She's probably talking to her mother, he realised. He'd have to accept that he was no longer her only source of comfort. Her only source of strength. Oh, well. It had been worth a try. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X X-o-o-o-o-o-| END OF BOOK II |-o-o-o-o-o-X X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X X-o-o-o-o-o-| STRENGTH TO CARRY ON |-o-o-o-o-o-X BOOK III "The past is gone but something might be found To take it's place..." ---"Hey Jealousy", by Doug Hopkins By: Missy~ X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X Summary: MID 4TH SEASON (Post-"Zero Sum")--- The agents' return evokes mixed feelings as they struggle to re-invent themselves and lay to rest recent events. An unexpected message from a friend arrives and may offer some answers. Category: S, A Rating: PG13 Mild 4th Season Spoilers Disclaimers: Mulder, Scully and company aren't mine. Playing nice, TBR, don't sue, etc...Kudos to CC and 1013. Dedication: This one's for the Beta Reader of all Beta Readers, Kristine. I can't thank you enough for all your help and hard work. You simply rock. Comments always welcome. Thanx, and I hope you enjoyed the ride. Missy~ X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X EPILOGUE: Ab initio ad finem... Standing outside Scully's door after 1 AM, Mulder was beyond tense. He knocked softly, conscious of the fact it was much *too* softly if he wanted her to hear. Stalling...stalling... Scully was sitting up in bed, her hands coming to rest on her stomach as an unpleasant memory entered her mind. She sighed wistfully and let her arms drop to her side. No, she wasn't going to think about *that*, not now. She'd just managed to stop crying and she was unwilling to risk getting started again. She continued to stare blindly into the darkness. Finally, after about five minutes of silent scolding and coaxing from the part of him that hadn't metamorphosized into an obsequious, dastardly little coward in the past six months, Mulder reached for his keys. A soft noise displaced the silence. Her instincts as sharp as ever, she immediately reached for her gun on the night stand. Scully cursed under her breath. Of course it wasn't there---Skinner was still holding both her gun and her badge until she could come to the office and pick them up. And she knew her personal weapon had been removed and stored with most of her other effects during her absence. Lucky for her, she didn't need it. She could hear her partner softly calling her name from the living room, then a muffled "oomph!". Stifling a chuckle, she realized he was probably navigating blind, not having anticipated that her mother had moved some of the furniture. Flipping on the light, she pasted on an angered frown and awaited him with her arms folded menacingly across her chest. Mulder appeared in the doorway. "Hey, Scully. Did I wake y...?" The words died on his lips when he saw her expression. She glared at him. "No, you didn't. But you *did* scare the hell out of me!!" Mulder opened his mouth to apologize but her rage was so obviously forced that he couldn't help but smile. The small fragment of *real* anger mixed into her jumble of emotions fizzled immediately and the look on Scully's face transformed to mirror that of her partner's. "Can't sleep?" He shook his head, sitting on the bed by her feet. "Me neither. I haven't been sleeping well since we got back." "Nightmares?" he ventured quietly. She thought for a moment. "Dreams, " she corrected him, then paused. "Have *you* been having nightmares?" she asked finally. He shrugged. "A few, " he confided hesitantly, then sighed. "But they're not what's keeping me up. It's that I'm not used to sleeping on the couch anymore---I think I'm going to have to buy a bed." Scully rolled her eyes. "Heaven forbid..." Unconsciously, his hand curled around her ankle through the blankets covering her. "So, how've you been?" It was her turn to shrug. "Alright, I guess. You?" "Busy." "I can imagine. Everything at work must be a mess." "Yeah. But I've also been...well, I've been to a couple hypnosis sessions." She leaned forward slightly. "And?" "And nothing. Everything appears to be exactly what it seems." They fell silent then as they thought about that, but it was a comfortable silence, one neither of them felt the need to fill. It lasted for several minutes and each began to get drowsy. Mulder shook himself alert, jostling Scully in the process. He looked at her and smiled. "I'd better..." She waved off his unvoiced suggestion. "It's late." A glimmer of hope sparked in his eyes. "Are you sure?" Scully was surprised he sounded so doubtful of what her answer would be. "Of course." Her partner didn't move, the uncertainty on his face almost comical. She sighed and shook her head. "Do you want to come in with me?" she asked, not altogether unaware of the significance of the question. he thought, a grin forming on his lips. He was immediately put at ease. It seemed befitting that the circle should end here, and with that in mind, he answered accordingly. "Could I?" Smiling knowingly, she completed the cycle by pulling back the covers. Her smile widened as she watched him kick off his shoes and jump in with her. She turned off the light. "Mulder?" she said quietly after settling in beside him. "Yeah?" "Why didn't you call?" He paused. "Why didn't *you* call?" "I asked you first." She felt his chest raise in a great sigh under her head. "I don't know, " he answered finally. "I guess I assumed things would just go back to the way they were before we were taken." "That *we* would go back, you mean." "Yeah. But I'm not the same, " he stressed, exasperated. "I'm a different person now than I was, then what people expect me to be." She pulled away from him slightly. "I feel the same way. Still, it's not as though we're making any effort to show them otherwise." "True, " he allowed. "But it's hard enough getting our lives back together without having to deal with recreating ourselves to everyone else." "That makes no sense, Mulder, " she told him, shaking her head. "It makes perfect sense!" he insisted. "No, it doesn't. It seems to me it takes more effort to-" "I miss you, Scully." The words came out of nowhere but were laden with sincere emotion. She immediately forgot what she'd been saying. "I know. I miss you, too. But once I get back to work, we'll see each other all the time again." "But it won't be the same." "No, it won't, " she admitted. "But that's just the way things are." "So when *are* you coming back?" "I was planning to go in tomorrow for a few hours. Skinner asked if I could meet with him in the afternoon." Scully pulled the blankets more soundly around them and draped an arm snugly across his waist. "When he called this morning, he implied that he'd had to throw his weight around a little to get us the X-Files back." "Whatever." His tone was unreadable. "It's really nice of him to do that for us, " she went on. "Skinner's a good man." This time Mulder's meaning couldn't be misconstrued. "Skinner's an ass. He's never done a damn thing for us." She narrowed her eyes, though it was too dark for him to notice. "I guess not." She yawned widely, then settled her head on his chest. " 'Night, Mulder." Placing a kiss on the top of her head, he readjusted his arms so that he completely enveloped her, then closed his eyes. "Good night, Scully." X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X Those gathered in the smoke-filled room moved to take their seats around the table, the noise level dropping as they turned their attention to the heavy-set man still standing by the window. "I'm sure you've all been made aware of the death of our associate." They all nodded. Most of them had been present when Krycek's people had come to them. "Comments?" the man prodded. "It was necessary, " one offered. There were murmurs of agreement. Another spoke, his voice clear and refined. "In any case, he was expendable. The facility he had taken over has been secured. I think we need to put this behind us and concentrate on the future." "So we shall, " the heavy-set man confirmed. "And the first order of business is to decide how we're going to handle the situation with Director Skinner..." X-o-o-o-o-o-| |-o-o-o-o-o-X Even after two weeks of being back at work, Scully still wasn't used to the new office. She found her attention wandering easily, drawn by the view. Not that it was anything particularly special, but after nearly four years of working in the basement, an office window in itself was an attraction. As she pulled herself back to her work, she decided to visit Skinner's office later on to thank him yet again. It was after ten when Mulder sauntered in. "Morning, Scully, " he greeted cheerfully, tossing his briefcase on the floor and taking a seat behind his desk. "Sorry I'm late. How long have you been here?" he asked as he booted his computer. She shrugged. "A couple of hours; I woke up early, so I thought I'd come in and get a head start." "Good idea. I should have done the same." He opened the email program and connected to the server. "Oh, before I forget, you're out of coffee." "I'll pick some up on the way home, " she assured him, then turned back to her own computer. Mulder scrolled down through his new messages, his curiosity piqued by one in particular with an unfamiliar return address. He decided to start with it. A moment later: "Hey, Scully. Come take a look at this!" She came to stand behind him, resting her hands on his shoulders. "What?" "Read this, " he instructed, pointing to the screen. ____________________________________________________ TO: mulderfw@X925.fbi.gov FROM: lan@div1.psinet.com SUBJECT: CC: BCC: ____________________________________________________ Agent Mulder, I got to know you well enough to be pretty sure you've taken steps to try to remember. This should help---112358A. I hope you know how to use it. Annie ____________________________________________________ Mulder hit the "reply" button, quickly stating that while the sequence sounded familiar, he didn't understand. Not even bothering to sign his name, he sent the message on it's way. "What could she have meant, Mulder?" "I don't know, Scully, " he told her. "But hopefully she'll be willing to drop another clue." They stared at the screen in silence for a few moments, as if expecting Annie to jump out of the monitor at them. Finally, Scully suggested they leave this for now and get to work. Now it was *Mulder* who couldn't concentrate. While he made an effort to work, he found himself compulsively checking his mail every two minutes. Finally, the "Sorry, you have no new mail" message was replaced by something much more promising. But the message waiting was a disappointed. " 'Delivery problems with your mail,' " he dictated. "It didn't get through. Dammit!" He pounded his fists on the desk, immediately regretting it as pain shot up his arms. Abandoning her work, Scully left her seat and approached him. "Breathe, Mulder, " she ordered, taking his hands in her own as if to prevent further injury. "If it's important, we'll figure it out." She tugged him to his feet. "Come on. We can talk about it over lunch." Despite that, neither of them spoke much during the meal, not that their voices would have been easily heard anyway over the noise of the rowdy lunch crowd. When Mulder was finished, he pushed his plate aside and patiently waited for his partner to polish off the remainder of her fries. Extracting a pen from his pocket, Mulder began to draw funny glasses and moustaches on the faces of the people on the paper place mat in front of him. When they were thoroughly graffitied, he continued to doodle, printing "112358A" in different sized scripts haphazardly across the page. Scully didn't interrupt him, recognising the expression adorning his face as fervent concentration. She turned her eyes back to her food, knowing if he felt her watching him he'd get distracted. "112358A, " he mumbled under his breath, over and over. His eyes widened. "Mulder?" Scully ventured. "I think I remember, " he announced suddenly and reached for his cell phone. His appointment with his hypnotherapist was confirmed for the next morning. And the nightmare began again. X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X X-o-o-o-o-o-| END OF BOOK III |-o-o-o-o-o-X X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X