All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter. No infringement intended on any part... go ahead, take me to court... I'm using the insanity defence... heh, heh, heh... Comments, complaints and just plain talk to sheryl_martin@tvo.org Summary: Scully remembers a fateful decision long ago... Rating: G... Story... Spoilers: One Breath, Memento Mori... Renewal (1/1) by Sheryl Martin Dana Scully looked down at the papers spread across her desk, letting out a soft sigh. In one of the more ironic twists of fate, the Bureau had sent her another set of medical and insurance forms; the yearly renewal of the information on file. Which had gotten much more complicated lately. The top form, of course, was a copy of her living will; with a note clipped to it asking if she wished for it to remain as is. The timing was as bad as it could get. She had woken up in a coughing fit to find her pillowcase wet and soaked with the blood; dragging herself into the bathroom to put it in a sinkful of cold water. Again. The procedure was becoming painfully routine for her. Looking down again at the typed pages, she thought about the conversation she had had with Mulder a lifetime ago. ********** "Mulder..." She looked over at his desk, seeing him crouched over a set of photographs with a magnifying glass. "Hmm?" He looked up for a second, glancing at her through the glasses. "Yah, Scully?" "Can you look at this for me... I mean, I need a witness to sign it..." Holding the piece of paper in one hand, she got to her feet and walked towards him. Putting the magnifying glass down, Mulder smiled. "Another lawsuit, Scully? You'd better watch it or you'll have a bad reputation, and it'll brush off on me..." Taking it from her outstretched hand, the joking tone wore off as he stared at it. "This is a Living Will, Scully." He looked up, the concern showing. "Something you want to tell me?" Shaking her head, the redhead smiled. "Better to be safe than sorry. And I just need you to witness it that I was of sane mind and body when I chose this." Sitting back in his chair, Mulder dragged his eyes up and down her slowly; aware of the redness tinging her cheeks as he did so. "Well... I'll go for the second..." he drawled with a grin. Crossing her arms, she shook her head. "Just sign it, Mulder.... please..." She added the last word as almost an afterthought. "Are you sure about this? I mean, when to cut off the life support?" He whistled between his clenched teeth. "Kinda quick..." "Mulder, I'm a doctor. If anyone has to make that decision, it'll be me - now and here; not my hysterical mother or father in the middle of a crisis." He nodded. "So why aren't you getting her to sign it?" "Because my mother doesn't like to talk about these things." Leaning on the desk, she looked at the ceiling. "When Dad was away she used to be frantic about when the mail arrived; thinking that the letter would be in there about him being hurt or lost... I can't keep running to her for something this serious." She smiled down at him, making his heart pound a little faster. "Besides, you're here. And the way things are going, I'm more likely to be shot doing this than anything to do with my parents." "Oooh, Scully..." He pursed his lips in mock pain. "You're nasty." Taking up the pen, he scribbled his name on the bottom and passed it back to her. "Let's just make sure we don't need that before we need the early retirement papers, okay?" ***** He had been frantic in the hospital according to her mother. Almost irrational in his refusal to accept the obvious, that she was going to die. Not that second, maybe not that day or week; but eventually. The doctors had no hope of her regaining consciousness. And as per her request, they informed the family that she had made the decision beforehand to terminate all life support and to either live or die at that point. Mulder had shaken his head, refusing the option. And not wanting to remember the decision he himself had agreed to. Fighting with the doctor and with her mother to try and reverse the inevitable. But it was what she had wanted. So he had gone home to wait for her to die. Her mother had almost smiled with pride as she described the Mulder her and Melissa had dealt with in the hospital; the Mulder that had come to her bedside as often as he could, the Mulder that had left without saying where he was going and then returning when he had been told that against all odds, Dana Scully had survived. They had never really spoken about it; she gained her strength back and came back to work and to the X Files, determined to pick up her life after the missing time of her abduction. But she knew inside herself that Mulder had given her the strength to come back from that distant place; that he had called her back to life somehow. Looking down at the typed form, she picked up the pen and scribbled her own signature on the first line. She was a doctor; she knew how bad it was going to get at the end. The drugs, the treatments, the pain... and then the eventual sleep that you may or may not return from. And she had to determine how far they could or would go to keep the shell that was Dana Scully alive. She looked at the form with a sad smile on her face, wondering how many people ever had to worry about doing this twice in their life. Her breath slowly escaped her lungs as she stared at the blank witness line on the paper. She needed a witness. Again. And after what she had put Mulder through last time, was it right to ask it of him again? It had almost killed him the first time. And she knew the responsibility lay heavy on his shoulders from that. A drop fell onto the page in front of her. Blinking, she stared at it as it dried on the paper. Clear. Not bloody. A tear. Putting her hand up to her face, she found the moist trails where they had run down her cheek to her chin; unnoticed. Wiping angrily at them, she let out a low sigh and turned her attention back to the page. Suddenly a hand fell onto her shoulder. She tensed, then relaxed. She knew that touch, that particular weight. Mulder. Reaching around, he gently pried the pen out of her hand; leaning down to carefully sign his name on the witness line. Dropping the pen, he awkwardly took all the forms with one hand and put them back into the file folder, opening the desk drawer to her left and dumping them unceremoniously into the bottom. She stared at the desk, unable to move. A racking sob broke free, prompting her to look around for the source. Then she realised it was her own voice. The hand on her shoulder tightened, then began to squeeze in a slow rhythm; moving back and forth on the thin fabric of the blouse. "Let's go home, Scully." He said quietly. "Time enough for that in the future..." Turning around, she got to her feet; staring at his face. His sad eyes locked with hers, confirming that he knew what it meant to sign that form again. And that he would be there again at the end. Because he had to be. Dabbing at her eyes with the ever-present tissues kept in one pocket, she forced a smile onto her face. "Ah... I'm hungry..." A grin broke onto his face as he nodded. "Mulder's food delivery service at your service - speciality of the night; chicken curry..." Picking up her purse, she chuckled. "You cooked it?" "Well, I cooked the rice..." Stopping suddenly at the doorway, she leaned over and hugged the surprised man; feeling the strong arms curl around her in response. "Thanks, Mulder." "No problem." He looked down at her. "Besides, the way those people file paperwork, I think it'll get there about the same time as our retirement papers." Opening the door, Mulder motioned for her to go through. "And I'm planning on us both getting there." ************ "Heart of a warrior, mind of a fool... soul of a romantic..." - Jackie St. George "I am a brother to dragons and a companion to owls..." The Book of Job