Hope For Tomorrow (1/4) by Natasha B (mjade24@hotmail.com) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- DISCLAIMER: The X-Files, A.D. Skinner, Agent Mulder, and Agent Scully DO NOT belong to me. They belong to the beloved Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions and the related (including MP, DD, and GA respectively). They are NOT mine! I am only borrowing them for my enjoyment. CATEGORY: S, A, MSR (actually, it's more like UST) RATING: I'm guessing PG SPOILERS: Up to, and including Memento Mori. SUMMARY: Scully gets offered a transfer to a cancer research team, and while on an assignment, both look back at past events and look forward on possible futures. COMMENTS BY AUTHOR: Well, this is my first fanfic, and I'm not a writer, so be kind. Thanks to Kathleen for her suggestions, advice and help to get me through this first one. Thanks to Gil, also, for answering some tech questions. I had planned this to be shorter than it is, but I hope you like it anyway. For those of you who have some worthy words of wisdom about my story, e-mail me at mjade24@hotmail.com Flames NOT welcome. You may archive or whatever, if you wish. And now. . . on with the show. . . ------------------------------------------------------------------- Hope For Tomorrow (1/4) by Natasha B mjade24@hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------- 8:14 am Assistant Director Skinner's waiting room Agent Dana Scully closed the door behind and took in a long breath before she made her exit from Assistant Director Skinner's waiting room. "Great," she whispered to herself in a sarcastic tone. She didn't really know what to expect fifteen minutes ago upon entering Skinner's office. He had had his secretary leave a message the night before about a meeting with her and she had assumed that it might have been something to do with her and her partner's last case file, but Agent Mulder was not in the room when she arrived. Instead, a certain well-known doctor was seated in one of the two chairs facing Skinner's desk. She knew him from many of the journals she had read while back in medical school. His name was Dr. Gerardo, a medical doctor specializing in cancer research. Once Scully saw him, she knew Agent Mulder was not going to be there. It didn't take too long for her to hear what he had to offer. It didn't take too long for her to begin her declination speech, but Skinner had pulled her aside before she got a chance to say 'no'. "Agent Scully, I realize the time and dedication you've put into the X-Files, but you have a very serious ailment that could compromise the workplace. . . and Agent Mulder," he whispered before she could say much else. If he had not mentioned Mulder's name, she still would have declined the offer, but Scully had a feeling Skinner might have been right about that last part. "Sir, Agent Mulder is well aware of my ailment," she said matter of factly. "Yes, yes he is. But don't let that compromise your decision as well. Now, ultimately, this =is= your decision, but I don't want you to answer Dr. Gerardo until you've thought about it. I'm giving you until Friday," Skinner demanded. So, not wanting to push it any further, she complied. "Yes, sir," she said plainly. She then turned toward the patient doctor. "Thank you for the offer, Dr. Gerardo. I'm honored that you've asked me, but I'll have to think about it." After a slight hesitation, he nodded, and she calmly walked out of the office. But calm she was not. She stood in the waiting room for a minute to gather her thoughts. She was going to have to tell Mulder, but how? And Agent Scully strode down the hallway and down the stairs to the door with the sign 'Fox Mulder, Special Agent' on it. She opened the door and her eyes focused on the added furniture placed perpendicular and to the right of Mulder's own desk. "Good morning, Agent Scully." She didn't say anything, just stared at the desk. Her desk. It was obviously a used desk, personalized with two dings on the side, and several scratch marks on the top. But it wasn't totaled, and it even looked better than Mulder's desk, although one could not tell considering all the paper work that was mounted on there most of the time. It was smaller than Mulder's as well, but noting the limited space in the office, it made for a cozy little area that she could call her own in their rabbit-hole of a room that certain brash agents referred to as 'Spooky's sector'. "They said the solid cherry oak desk I ordered was on back order, but I do believe that they've got it hidden in Agent Gaspard's old office for some higher official," joked Mulder in the calm voice he always used when joking seemed appropriate to him, which was quite often. But nothing was said in reply. Scully traced the edge of the desk with her fingers, circling as she went along, almost looking somewhat unsure as to what to do next. Her hand stopped at an object, picked it up and turned it around to read the two words etched onto it- Dana Scully. Her half-grin came out unknowingly. Mulder, observing his partner's silent actions the whole time, while standing next to the open file cabinet, knew immediately that her mind was elsewhere. He should have. He had prided himself in seeking the faintest of clues as to how his partner was truly feeling at certain moments. Her most oft used "I'm fine, Mulder" phrase echoing in his head like a recording set to go off at his most oft used question, "You okay, Scully?" And yet, he knew, that those words were merely just words. They =were= set to go off any time he questioned her thoughts, her feelings. No matter how she felt, those words sputtered out nonchalantly, in times of frustration, of anger, and also in times of fear. Yes, he had to learn of her, to understand her. And he did, with as much trust and patience as he had for his very own mother, if not more so. "Well, if I had known that giving you office supplies would render you speechless, I probably would have gotten you a desk a long time ago." Mulder chided again. Scully arched a brow his direction, and gave a little smirk. Her eyes shifted again to the desk, this desk that had caused her to question the importance of her life to the X-Files and to herself. Mulder put the file that he was holding on his desk and walked over to where she stood. She didn't even notice him standing inches away from her until he spoke. "I was going to put your desk over there", he pointed to the dark end of the room, "but I figure it would be easier for us to argue this way, a kind of no holds barred thing--" "Mulder," she interrupted. He stopped and looked intently on her, his face displaying concern as he often did when she spoke his name is such a serious tone. "What?" he whispered as if not to scare her away from what she wanted to say. She continued. " Skinner called me into his office earlier and there was this man, Dr. Gerardo, and... he... um... offered me a position working with his cancer research team. Specifically, brain cancer research," she paused for a moment, checking on Mulder's reaction, as if to make sure it was okay for her to go on. "Dr. Gerardo's done numerous research on rare cancers, and has been known to work wonders in some of his patients. He's very well respected." Mulder closed his eyes and tilted his head back until he was facing the ceiling. He knew where this was headed. The words she said gripped tightly around his heart, causing an ache, a fear. He just needed a second to take it in. He didn't want to allow her the opportunity to see how he really felt. After what seemed like forever, but was only a span of a few seconds of racing heartbeats, he was then ready to face her again. She seemed so distant at that point, he forgot he was standing so close to her. She was also ready. "Mulder, I don't want to assume anything by this. And I had no intention of leaving anytime soon, but--" "What did you tell him?" She paused for a moment. "Well, as a matter of fact, I =was= going to decline the offer. But Skinner 'ordered' me to think about it. He gave me until Friday to make a decision," she paused again. "Mulder, I have no intention of leaving here." Mulder nodded slightly. But the words that came out of his mouth soon after were a surprise to her. His eyes turned dark and his voice rough and dry as he spoke. "Scully, I think you should," he said nonchalantly and abruptly that it took Scully a second to realize what she had just heard. And then her eyebrows perked up. "What?!" This, she thought, was not what she was ready to hear from her own partner. She had thought he would at least agree with her, thank her for deciding to stay with him, and then listen to him point out the subtle way that the Syndicate the Cigarette-Smoking Man was involved in had tried to separate the two again. But those thoughts all disappeared along with the ability to control her shock. "Maybe you should consider taking this. . .offer. If the doctor is as good as you say he is, then he may be your best bet to beat this 'thing'," he spoke this as soft and slowly in her ear as he could, to make her understand the importance of such an event in her life. He then walked back towards his desk, and sat in his chair, looking at her, waiting for her next words. He would wait an hour if he had to, but he was not going to utter another word until she spoke her mind. The time it took for him to grab his pen and fiddle it between his fingers seemed almost immeasurable, as he felt his heart beating the seconds away. "Mulder," she finally found a word to say, "I. . . I. . . uh. . . don't know what to say. I didn't think you would be so enthusiastic about this, considering what happened the last time." "Scully, you were the one to point out this man's, this Dr. Gerardo's, capabilities. You didn't even know Dr. Scanlon before Penny," he didn't want to go further than that, knowing how much his partner was sensitive to the subject of the MUFON women, especially Penny Northern. Her body shuddered at the thought of Penny. But she hoped that Mulder didn't notice. Yes, she knew Dr. Gerardo well, through his written journals, his experience with working with patients with rare cancers, and how he had managed to extend many of his patients' lives to considerable measure. But the other doctor, the one who she had thought was helping her, she did not know at all. She had entrusted him with her life, only to have it subjected to his false 'treatments', and to witness Penny's last minutes of life, which had most likely been taken earlier than they should have from that doctor. Scully had been lucky, though. Here I am again, a voice whispered in her head. Should I take the chance again? "Just think about it, Scully," Mulder interrupted her thoughts. Her eyes slowly made their way to his, and she nodded somewhat tiresomely, her mind in deep thought. "I'll see you tonight," and with that said, Agent Dana Scully left the office, leaving Mulder there with his own thoughts. "You're welcome, Scully," Mulder said, although she had not given any word of thanks during their brief conversation. But he knew she was. (End of Part One) --------------------------------------------------------- Get Your *Web-Based* Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com --------------------------------------------------------- From mjade24@hotmail.com Mon Apr 28 22:51:06 1997 Subject: Hope For Tomorrow (2/4) by Natasha B From: "Natasha B" -------- Hope For Tomorrow (2/4) by Natasha B mjade24@hotmail.com ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- DISCLAIMER: Mulder and Scully aren't mine, I'm just borrowing them. Everything else in Part One. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8:16pm 8552 Fair Drive, Kremlintide County Mulder and Scully had arrived early at the house in which they were scheduled to be at, which was fine for them, to better settle themselves for the all-nighter. Since Mulder's leads were nothing but dead ends the past few weeks and there were no paranormal events being reported lately, Assistant Director Skinner had assigned both of them to protect a witness for two other agents. Mulder had argued to Skinner about this being another "distraction" for the X-Files, but even he had not been convinced by his own words. It had been slow for them. Scully found it rather to be a relief. She was still recovering both physically and mentally from her stay at the hospital and the radiation treatments. This, she thought, was a nice change of pace, thinking that maybe she could just sit and rest, just for a little while. Arriving in casual attire to avoid suspicion, he in black jeans and black tee, her in black jeans as well and a dark gray top, they knocked on the door. The door immediately flew open, and a man baring a gun behind his back with his free hand ushered the two agents in as quickly as he could. Had the man not been in FBI standard dress, the two might have thought to pull out there own weapons, but he pulled out his badge to identify himself. "Agent Mulder, Agent Scully, I'm Agent Barnes," he said with nary a smile. He then pointed to another man standing next to the kitchen counter. "And this is Agent Noble." Although they apparently knew who they were, Mulder and Scully pulled out their badges as well. "Agent Barnes," Mulder spoke first. "How did you know who we were?" "Agent Mulder, just because you and your partner here are stuck in an office basement all day long doesn't mean you two haven't made a reputation for yourselves," Agent Noble said, with somewhat of a smirk creeping into his smile. Mulder and Scully just looked at each other, dumbfounded. Scully didn't know what to think of that statement. Had we become part of the ring of rumors blazing around the FBI headquarters, as rumors so often do? And what kind of reputation =had= we made for ourselves? These were questions Scully was almost tempted to know, but found the idea of remaining clueless in such regards more comforting, so she decided to keep silent. Mulder, on the other hand, found it kind of intriguing, but from seeing the look on Scully's face, had also decided to keep his mouth closed on that matter. . . for now. "And this is Ms. Diana Baker," Agent Barnes walked into the living room area and went over to the couch where the woman was sitting. Her sandy blonde hair had been pulled back into a loose ponytail. She wasn't too short, about five inches taller than Scully, and she wasn't too frail, either, but she definitely had fear in her eyes. She put a weary hand out to the two. "Please, call me Diana," she said softspokenly. And with all the formalities taken care of, Agents Barnes and Noble took their leave right at 8:30pm. "We'll be back in the morning," Agent Noble stated before he went out the door, obviously ready for sleep to overtake him. 9:26pm Most of the hour was spent in small talk, nothing really important. They had been able to keep Diana awake for that amount of time, but eventually she realized that she needed to get some sleep. So she, with Scully following behind to make sure everything was safe upstairs, headed to her bedroom. "Agent Scully, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" Diana asked as they entered her bedroom. Scully didn't think there was any harm in it. "Sure. I guess so." "Are you married?" Although she was surprised by this out of nowhere question, Scully's lips curved ever so slightly at the thought. "No. No, I'm not. Why?" Diana went into the bathroom and started talking through the door. "Well, that's what =I= was wondering. Why aren't you married?" Scully was reluctant to speak at that moment. The thought of Mulder overhearing this part of the conversation made her a little too uncomfortable for some strange reason. So she waited until Diana made her way back out of the bathroom to avoid raising her voice. After all of two minutes, Diana came out and an apologetic look was marked on her face. "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry and I know it's none of my business. I was just wondering why a seemingly attractive-looking woman like yourself isn't married." Funny, Scully mused, first this woman was shaking with fear not too long ago, now she's casually commenting on how my life should be. "Diana. . . I. . .", she pursed her lips. "Oh, that's okay. You don't have to answer," Diana said after she realized Scully probably couldn't figure out a reason herself. She smirked as she came up with another thought. "Well, are you and Agent Mulder. . . you know. . . together?" Scully's eyes were widened to that idea, and she let out a quick burst of a guffaw. "What?!" Then a realization trickled into her mind and her open-mouthed smile turned into a questioning pursed lips, with the area between her eyes crinkling. "What would make you think that?" Diana just smiled and got into her bed. "Oh, nothing, really. You two just seem to work awfully well together," she noted, "and Agent Mulder is a very handsome man. Or did you not notice?" That last question sounded like more of a tease than a question, especially with Diana looking so amused. "Well, Diana, Agent Mulder and I have been partners for four years now. That's all," Scully assured her. "Oh, Dana," she scoffed at Scully. "I've known couples who've been married for less than that and don't give each other as much eye contact as you and Agent Mulder do." Scully gave her best smile, but was most uncomfortable with this topic of conversation. What the hell did she know about me and Mulder? "Well, Diana, I think I'll just let you get some sleep now," trying her best to avoid another line of questioning from their charge. But when Scully was about to leave, fear expressed itself again in Diana's face. "Wait! Um. . . I'm sorry. Could you just stay here for a little while? At least until I fall asleep," Diana pleaded with the tone of a frightened little girl. Obviously, she didn't forget what the two agents were there for in the first place. Scully closed the door that she was just about to leave the room out of. "Sure, I'll stay." So she walked across to the other side of the room, to where the only chair was, next to the barred window, and sat down. She had anticipated another conversation, but Diana, knowing she had made Agent Scully quite uneasy, didn't say anything more, and quickly went under as soon as her head hit the pillow. About half an hour had passed, and Scully felt that she could leave now if she wanted to, but for some strange reason, she didn't want to just yet. The serenity she felt just sitting there, peering out the window had been something she had not felt in a long time. Not even in her own home did she feel this at rest. There were just too many things distracting her at home, and a very limited time to complete her tasks. Here, all she had to do was keep watch. So, she took advantage of the situation. This would give her some time to work things out in her head. Especially the recent events of this morning, and Mulder's insistence on the subject. Mulder had been there from the beginning. At least, that's the way she saw it. Everything in her life before Mulder seemed like, in all sorts, a past life. She smiled at herself for thinking something so un-Scully-like. She'd known him for less than half her life, yet her relationship with him had been more important to her than all the relationships of all the men she had dated put together. And their relationship wasn't even =that= kind of relationship. At least, as far as she knew, though people like Diana may beg to question such. But even she had to admit that Mulder wasn't just her partner. She had learned to trust in him like he was family. No. More than family. He had a way of getting her to speak. To confess certain fears as well as goals she had wanted to conquer and accomplish. Even in her most vulnerable state, he had the ability to strengthen her, to comfort her. And that was rare in itself, because she was a strong woman, a strong person. "You have always been the strong one," admitted her mother, during that time at the hospital. Her mother was upset at her for not telling of her cancer sooner when she spoke those words. Instead, Scully had gone to Mulder first. Why, she thought. Why did she go to him first? Scully's mind drifted through events in her life, especially through the cases they've been through. She remembered their first case. She remembered the mosquito bites she had mistaken for mysterious marks that had marked the teens, and how she had gone to Mulder to show him. She distinctly remembered how he didn't move at first, like he didn't know exactly what was going on, and why she chose to undress in front of him. He's such a guy, thought Scully, and laughed inside. Then she also remembered the conversation they had had about what brought him to where he was at, the story about his sister, Samantha, and about the government secrets he had theorized. At that time, Scully might have thought him to be just a bit paranoid for his own good. But now, it didn't seem like theory anymore than it did an actual cover-up. She'd seen too much to not believe there were people out there who knew the Truth, and were trying desperately to hide it from seekers like Fox Mulder, and from her as well. She didn't figure to be in this position any time in her life. How is it that only four years ago, she wondered, I was on the verge of being a doctor, and in choosing not to tread that path, find my way in this place, with this man, always working with him, sometimes working against him? How is it, that with one choice, my path has been altered in such a way as to shake my beliefs in science - and religion - to rattle all that I have learned from life four years prior? And here I am, trying to find my way back, from the depths of my fears and break myself free from my physical body to find relief in those that surround, and have surrounded me- my mom, my dad, my sister, my partner. My partner. Fox Mulder. Her forehead crinkled in thought. Of all the agents in the FBI, she happened to get stuck with the one branding the nickname "Spooky". And yet, despite their differing approaches to each case for the most part, their connection, their bond, with each other somehow made them incomparable, in the best sense, to any other team. They fed on each other's strengths and learned more than they possibly could have had they been assigned to people more to their suiting, and she knew that. The irony was that they were brought together by forces that wanted nothing more than to shut the X-Files down. But instead, those forces had brought two sides of the same coin together to form a union, a bond so strong that it pushed the limitations of the boundaries put upon them. She was glad of at least one thing about it. That she had found something, someone, to put her back up against. They were opposite sides of the same coin. Uniquely enough, a coin standing on its edge, wavering, maybe even spinning, almost out of control, she imagined. At times, she felt as if she was wearing a shirt that said "I'm with Spooky", almost embarrassed to know such a person, so open to the world's fables and myths and storybook tales. But it made sense. Mulder needed someone to challenge his theories, to call for proof. And she, the skeptic, was the most likely candidate. Think about it. That's what he told her to do. So, here she was, thinking about it. Okay, what was there to think about, she wondered. But somehow, she found reasons to. This was, what little of it there was, her life. The offer was even something that seemed tempting enough now. To research something that affected her entirely- both physically and mentally. The cancer was growing. She could feel it. And not knowing how to stop it was causing her emotions to come out more noticeably. Maybe this was her chance to make a difference, and to help herself the way she needed to. Maybe. . . just maybe, she thought. What would come out of this experience if I were to take it, she questioned herself. Scully had begun to actually think of all the advantages of being involved in such an event. The possibilities of finding a cure for such a disease were astronomical, but she knew that she would work hard, persevere to find such a cure, not only for the sake of those dying in their beds, but for those who refuse to let it get them down, those such as herself. Although her medical experience never really specified in cancer, she began to realize what she could add to such a team as far as personal experience goes. But her thoughts about the team faded there. She began to explore other possibilities this change would make in her life, personally. Diana had brought up a good point, as a matter of fact. Scully had never thought the idea of marriage to be such a big thing in her life, but she didn't avoid it or scoff at it. Her independence and self-confidence in herself didn't deteriorate the fact that she wanted more than what she had. She wanted a husband. She wanted a child, or even children. However, the career that she chose made it very limiting. Time was a prime factor, since she spent about one third of it in research alone, more than another third in the field, and the rest of it sleeping. What to talk to a child, let alone a husband, about was another factor. What she did for a living would definitely be a subject questioned over and over again. The four years of fighting off killers and mutants, of explaining evidences in scientific terms that sounded almost as ludicrous as them being explained in paranormal terms, of being involved in some secret government or even worldwide conspiracy. These were not topics to casually share with husband. It wasn't as if she had the cream of the crop to pick from, anyway. Her last date had just about barbecued her before deciding to barbecue himself instead. Oh, that was fun, she chided to herself. The only type of people she could tell such things to were people like the Lone Gunmen, or like Agent Mulder. She almost laughed, remembering how Frohike, in his not-so-serious manner, had casually blurted this these words to her. "Agent Scully, marry me. . . please?" That was one of the easier decisions she had dealt with in her life. But instead of answering the question with a justifiable "no", her eyes pleaded a 'help me' to Mulder. "Sorry, Frohike, Scully only dates men who aren't paranoid, government-conspiracy theorists, bent on revealing the Truth," pointed Mulder, sublimely adding himself to that list, which she never thought much of, until now. It wasn't as if she didn't think Mulder an attractive man. On the contrary, she considered him very attractive, but that was a subject she never targeted. Never. Being who she was, she made it a point, and a very logical point it was, to divide her personal life from her professional life as much as she could, especially when it came to her partner. Because their job had required them to spend so much time together, she needed time away from him off the field. That was just how she felt it should be. Some days, Mulder made that task very easy for her. To be romantically involved with Mulder, as Diana had suggested, was, in Scully's mind, just taboo. Mulder and I are completely different, she found herself arguing in silence to this sleeping person. But she may as well have been speaking to herself, convincing herself of such. It sounded more like a denial. But, there were other days as well. Days when the line that separated her personal life from her professional life had been blurred, even outright torn apart. There were days that her duties on the job inflicted itself upon her outside of work. She closed her eyes at the thought of Missy, her dear sister, who didn't deserve to die that way. Her mother suffering more than enough losses, losing one so callously to death and facing to lose another to disease. Scully's personal life had been attacked again. Cancer being the most obvious. And through it all, Mulder had been there. Her eyes drew weary, the corners of her mouth pointed downward, as if pulled by gravity. All of a sudden, she didn't feel as rested as when she first sat in that chair. She just felt tired. Yes. Think about it she did. Maybe. . . just maybe, it was time to seek other ground, before it's too late. 1:01 am When Scully made her way down the stairs, she noticed the sole illumination came from the television. Mulder was sitting on the couch, watching some late night talk show, and she joined him. "How's she doing?" Mulder asked. "She's sleeping now. She's, um, quite the talker," Scully noted. "So, Scully, do we give each other too much eye contact?" he teased. She eyed him, an eyebrow arched with a face giving away its discontent. She wondered how much of the conversation he had overheard, but decided not to dwell on the matter. "Well, I guess we do," he chided truthfully. He knew every meaning of each motion of her face alright. He also knew that she needed to sleep, her eyes just beginning to form the dark circles that had plagued him many times before. So Mulder turned off the TV, letting the moon illuminate through the patio door into the living room, and got up off the couch. "Mulder, what are you doing?" she asked, unsure of his actions. "Scully, take the couch if you want to." She straightened her head, looking towards him, mouth opening to object, but closing in the realization that she indeed, felt like laying down. So she lay on her side placing one arm under her head and the other lazily across her waist all the while watching Mulder take his small paper bag from the kitchen counter, and easing himself onto the chair facing her. He then pulled out the baggie containing his sandwich, pulled out the sandwich from the baggie and began munching. "Scully?" "Hmm." He lifted another baggie with a sandwich inside and brought it to her attention. "Unless you're hungry," he said. "That's okay. I'll eat it later," she said groggily. He placed the baggie and its contents back on the table, kind of thankful she had not taken his second offer. He couldn't help from saying something. "Scully?" "What?" she asked, that one word taking about as much effort out of her as it slurred out. "Did you think about what I said?" "Why?" "Just asking." She sighed. "I am." A second of silence passed. "Goodnight, Mulder." Scully made one last observation before she closed her eyes and gave in to sleep. Mulder had not made eye contact with her since his confirmation of it. (End of Part Two) --------------------------------------------------------- Get Your *Web-Based* Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com --------------------------------------------------------- From mjade24@hotmail.com Mon Apr 28 22:53:28 1997 Subject: Hope For Tomorrow (3/4) by Natasha B From: "Natasha B" -------- Hope For Tomorrow (3/4) by Natasha B mjade24@hotmail.com ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- DISCLAIMER: Like I stated before, Mulder and Scully belong to CC and TenThirteen and the related. Everything else in Part One ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1:45am The minutes had gone by faster than he had realized, and he took that time to gaze at his strong, yet fragile looking partner. Her head was resting on the armrest. Somehow, one of the strands of her silk-like red hair had gotten away from the bunch and crept on her face like a baby's curious fingers wanting to feel the smoothness of her porcelain skin. He got up off the chair and slowly, quietly walked over to gaze more closely on her face, making himself comfortable on the floor, next to the couch, and carefully lifted the hairs up and away from her cheek and put it back in its place, making sure not to wake her. He listened. Nothing. Still. All that could be heard was her breathing. And his. Just the sight of her made his heartbeat calm. He wondered why, and came to the conclusion that, somehow, knowing that she was with him and that she was alright made him feel better. After Duane Barry... he realized he was not just responsible for himself, but for Scully as well. Not that he minded, but he had to take extra precautions for the safety of his partner. And even at that time, they were no longer partners. He had asked only for her assistance, and she was pulled in by the fact that he was in danger, only to find it was she who would lose three months of her life. Snatched with no memory of it, later, only catching glimpses of what may have become of her, and now realizing the horrendous after-effects of that time.. He had never forgiven himself of that event, and even now would take his own life for her if he had to. He had been there for her so many times, but yet had not felt himself none the more better than when Duane Barry had taken her. He was just able to hide it better. Fox Mulder replayed fragments of his memories, going back, going forward, of the times she needed him. Of the men they encountered during some of their cases. These were not regular men. Even referring to them as Agent Scully's men sounded sacrilegious. They wanted her, yes. But he'd be damned if he would let them have her. Eugene Tooms. Duane Barry. Donnie Pfaster. He remembered that particular incident well in his mind as if it occurred just the night before. Recognizing pain in her face. Not much the physical as much as emotional. The barrier that she had constructed to keep her safe from the fear which lingered inside was faltering, and no matter how hard she tried, in the end, Mulder found his arms wrapped around her, his body protecting her like a shield from a storm. It's okay, he remembered whispering so gently. And it would be okay, just as long as she was with him. Or so he thought. Lately, though, him being there just didn't seem enough anymore. "I have cancer," Scully calmly explained to him a few weeks back. He remembered vividly how she looked after Penny Northern had died. She was so drained. Her hair mussed from pain, sweat, and sorrow. No make-up had painted her face and her eyes wore the dark circles of a war-torn soldier, yet that same face still held the beauty of an angel. And again, his arms had found their way around her seemingly fragile body, his lips pressed against her forehead as a kind of marker, a turning point. He remembered holding her soft face in his hands, looking into her deep blue eyes and seeing the strength she fought hard to gain back returning. Both times, during Scully's abduction and during her stay at the Allentown Bethlehem Medical Center for treatment, Mulder searched for answers in his own way. And both times, he had come just short of the whole answer. Mulder swallowed - hard. Even now, he found it hard to comprehend. His partner was dying. He swallowed again, this time fighting back a pain that found its way to his heart. What could he do? He wanted so much to give her her life back. But he couldn't turn back the clock. Choices had been made and actions had been taken, and therefore, the path had been set. Only, it wasn't the path that Mulder had ever imagined existed for either him or his faithful partner, his best friend. Scully was dying, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. Time was moving forward, at an even faster rate, he felt. If only he was there. . . If only he didn't involve her. . . If only they had never stayed partners. . . He felt himself being crushed between wanting her to stay and letting her go, the latter of which he did =not= wish to exploit further, but couldn't stop thinking about. He clenched his hands into tight fists as if this would give him control of the actions that had already taken place. It's her decision, a voice spoke into his head. It's probably better if she goes. You've already taken more from her than you should have, he punished himself. He felt his eyes burn, only then noticing that he had not blinked in a while. He closed his eyes, and kept them closed, recalling one more conversation pulled from the recent past, forcing itself to register into his brain. ". . .while my own life is. . . standing still," Scully confessed to him. She was right. Mulder's life had merged into Scully's life and taken hold, forcing her to go with him, believe him, follow him. And now, Mulder's partner was faced with the consequences, with Mulder only able to watch helplessly at the effects it took on her body, mind, and spirit. He felt as if he'd been struck in the heart with some dull and heavy object, the pain ever increasing. He breathed in, then out, as if it was his last breathe, and turned his face towards her once again. He knew he cared deeply for this woman, but did not yet grasp the full knowledge of what she was to him. All he knew was that she had shared with him experiences no one else could, or would. He had given her trust and she gave trust in return. There was more, but he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge it, especially now. Especially since it could end. Mulder noticed her delicate hand, still resting across her waist. For some reason or another, maybe an inkling of a desire hidden within the confines of his mind, he wanted to take her small hands in his own and caress them. He wondered how her fingers would feel linked with his own, like strings of a basket, intertwined. His left hand slowly loosened and opened and casually found its way next to her cheek, close to touching it, but not doing so. He wanted to touch her, to hold her face in his hands as he had done in the hospital hallway. He wanted his fingers to linger over every feature, every line, the way that lock of hair had previously done. Stop! he told himself. This is ridiculous. She deserves more, the voice shouted in his head. His face took on a dark, saddened expression, his hazel eyes clouded over, and his mouth tightened. His mouth moved to form a familiar word, yet no sound was released. Scully. . . Scully. . . Scully. . . "Scully," he whispered ever so faintly. Again, the same lock of hair rested itself upon her face. This time, after smoothing it over, joining it with the others, he rested his hand on her cheek, and Scully slowly, methodically opened her eyes. She stared at the face staring back at her, recollecting her thoughts as to where she was. And as if by instinct, she placed her right hand on his, the one laid caressing her cheek. Mulder's eyes lingered from her gaze, his hand strayed from her face, letting the cool air pass between. She still had her hand joined to his, moving her thumb very slightly through his palm. "Mulder, what is it?" she asked, lifting her head off the armrest, displaying a concern as a mother would to her pained child. He swiftly maneuvered his hand away from hers and gently squeezed her forearm. He took a deep breathe. "Scully," he paused. "What?" she sat up as she asked again sternly, but hardly above a whisper. Agent Mulder moved himself off the floor and sat next to her, turning his head left just enough to look her hard in the eyes, and, as if he had drawn up some kind of inner strength from deep within, he told her the only thing that he felt was truly worth saying to her. "Scully, I've been thinking. . ." Mulder said with a very dry voice. He could feel his heartbeat faster. "About?" "Scully. . . Dana. . . if you feel that. . . that you can no longer work with me. . . if being here with me is harboring you from doing what you need to do for yourself, than... I =want= you to leave. You have too much to live for, and you... you've already lost more than you should have." If she didn't know Mulder better, she would have suspected him of using reverse psychology on her. But she knew her partner. He was beyond juvenile tactics. He never deceived her. He was honest, always. Their relationship was based on that fact, and, with the exception of the family they had left, they relied only on each other for truths. Scully knew his words were true, and it pained her to hear it, but it may have struck him harder to say it. "Scully?" Mulder pondered what she must be thinking. She was going to find something to say, to give him some kind words of acknowledgment, but she was more confused than before of her options. For a while, they had almost forgotten what they were there for in the first place. Then they heard it. A scream, or the start of what would have been a scream. It had been cut-off. In an instant, Agents Mulder and Scully were on their feet, racing time up the stairs. When they reached the room, Mulder, who had arrived at the door first, forcefully slammed the door open with a kick, his Sig in one hand. Mulder's gun immediately found its primary target- the man standing ten feet opposite him, holding Diana by the throat with a knife. Scully, arriving a split second behind Mulder also had her gun drawn to the man. Her eyes blazing with fire, even piercing through the darkness of the room. If it not for the woman held in front of the man like a rag doll, shielding him, he had not a chance. He was young. A lot younger than he looked. He stood about five inches shorter than Mulder, and five inches wider, more bulky than obese. . His hair, bleach blonde, short. His eyes contained the same blue shade of eyes Scully possessed so beautifully, but somehow were more in contrast to hers than Mulder's hazel ones were. His eyes were cauldrons of boiling water, ready to explode their rage to anyone who stood near him, particularly, the trembling woman in his tight grip. Before she really knew him, Diana had thought she had made a friend in this man. He appeared to her not in the way he was now, but as innocent looking as an altar boy. True, his eyes were darker in essence than anyone she had ever known, but that is also what drew her to him. She knew the dangers of attaching herself to such a man, but she took the risk, because she never had before, and found herself filled with curiosity. But not anymore. Her involvement with this man, Grey, brought her onto dangerous ground, and she found herself in fear, gaining protection from the police and FBI agents, since Grey was wanted for abducting and killing his last girlfriend. Now here they were. Diana, trembling, with blood soaking the front of her long nightgown from a stab wound near the center of her chest, was steadily losing consciousness. Grey didn't speak a word, but his next actions were enough to cause Mulder to shoot. With the sound of gunfire echoing throughout the entire house, Grey's grip on his knife, which was a hair's width away from Diana's throat, loosened as he fell hard on the floor. Blood trickled from the hole in his forehead. Diana had also fallen, unconscious, on the floor. Scully was by her side the second Grey had come to death, and when Scully looked up at Mulder for his assistance, she found him staring at her forlornly. Scully was too involved with Diana's well being to realize that she herself was bleeding, from her nose again. So Scully wiped it off hasteningly with her hand and focused her attention on Diana as Mulder paused for a moment before calling the ambulance. 5:18am Sharp Memorial Hospital Agent Scully walked through the long, lighted hallway of the hospital, refreshing her memory of a walk she once took not too long ago, after leaving the arms of the man she was now in search of. She found Mulder, sitting along the row of vinyl covered chairs against the wall, his head lowered, focused on the floor, as if he deciphering some kind of hidden message in the design of the marble-like tile. Mulder heard the clicking of the heels come closer to him until he saw the familiar black colored shoes from which the clicking came from, and turned his head slightly, not enough to look the woman in the eyes, but enough to let her know he was listening. He noticed the tissue in her hand. "She's lost a lot of blood, but luckily, Grey had missed the heart by an inch," Scully calmly explained, as she always did, to Mulder. Mulder was looked down at the smooth tile floor again. He was tired. And Scully knew her partner better than to think that this was just a physical weariness from being up all night. All nighters were a specialty of Mulder's. But she chose not to push the matter about her recent offer that so plagued both of them. He had gotten no rest since before Scully told him of the possibility of her being transferred. So Scully, in her most sincerest of tones, sitting herself next to her partner, reassured him of the one thing that she knew for certain. "Mulder, she's going to be alright." He sighed and nodded. "Let's go home." Those were her final words to him that morning. Nothing was said in the car on the way home, which may have well been the best thing to do since Mulder, about an hour into the ride, fell quietly into slumber, with Scully at the wheel. Scully, again with her thoughts, finally came to her decision, albeit not the easiest decision she has ever made, but making easy decisions did not seemed to prevail in Scully's life. It's a nice idea, she thought, to be able to try a normal life, away from the FBI, away from the X-Files. Maybe this is what my father had wanted for me. To be happy in the only way he thought would make me so. Okay, dad, I understand, and I love you. She was certain. She had made up her mind. And her choice was final. (End of Part Three) --------------------------------------------------------- Get Your *Web-Based* Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com --------------------------------------------------------- From mjade24@hotmail.com Mon Apr 28 22:55:09 1997 Subject: Hope For Tomorrow (4/4) by Natasha B From: "Natasha B" -------- Hope For Tomorrow (4/4) by Natasha B mjade24@hotmail.com ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- DISCLAIMER: Okay, for the last time, CC owns The X-Files, FM, DS, and WS. I'm just borrowing them for my own enjoyment. Everything else in Part One E-mails are welcome at mjade24@hotmail.com ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8:14am Outside Mulder's apartment building Mulder awoke to find the sun's light break pierce through his eyelids. He did not welcome it. He had gotten only two hours of sleep, and knowing that it was the beginning of a new day didn't seem to afford him any comfort. With nary a word, he stepped out of the vehicle, dreary eyed, unkempt hair, with coat in hand. He turned to face an almost equally weary Scully before closing the door. Trying to find something to say, he tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth. "Get some sleep, Mulder," she said, with a faint smile. "Scully... I...," he stopped there, looking as if someone had pushed a 'pause' button on him, unmoving, stuck in mid sentence. Scully just stared at her partner with a look of understanding in her face. She knew he was sorry for last night and all the nights of yesteryear, and the year before that, and the year before that, back to the day they first met. "Mulder, it's okay. I'm fine," she assured him with the two words she used so often, whether it was true or not. Mulder knew his partner as well. This time, she spoke truth. So he nodded his head ever so slightly. "I'll see you," Scully said after a second or two of silence that neither felt uncomfortable with. Mulder closed to door and watched his partner drive off. He didn't know she had made her decision. Right now, all he knew was his partner deserved better than what he could give, and that was the only peace, and torture, he welcomed. 9:00am Assistant Director Skinner's Office A.D. Skinner looked hard at her. She was never the type of person to make rash decisions, he thought to himself. But he asked her anyway. "Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked sternly. "Yes, sir," she replied after a slight pause, her eyes intent on looking straight at him when she spoke. "I'm very sure." "Agent Scully, you do realize you had until Friday to make--" "I =do= realize that, sir, but as sure as I am about my cancer, I am not yet willing to place my whole career on exploring it. I chose to join the FBI to help those whose lives were and are in danger. And whatever circumstances that come with that, whatever fate has been dealt to me, I will continue to help those people for as long as I can." She had almost forgotten what her purpose was. She had been distracted by the world within her, that she had almost forgotten there was the world without. Skinner understood far too well. He remembered a time he was so consumed with his own demons that he almost lost the only thing that truly mattered to him. "Okay," Skinner approved. "I'll let them know." "Thank you, sir, but I would like to tell them myself." Never deny a woman her chance to speak, Skinner told himself. That's one of the things that Skinner admired in her, her courage. Her courage in herself and her abilities. And the courage to face the lies, the theories, and the truths that were out there and to challenge whomever may be speaking them. He was proud to have such an agent, although had never said so, but he was proud. He nodded. "Get some sleep, Agent Scully. I'll be expecting yours and Agent Mulder's reports on my desk tomorrow afternoon." "Yes, sir." And with that, she left. And went straight home to do just as she was told- sleep. 10:13pm Scully's apartment Scully had awoken about four hours earlier. She had been able to take a good, self-indulging shower, make herself a little pasta dish, and clean house a bit. She wasn't yet ready to tackle the subject of the previous night's assignment, so she decided to relax with yet another Jose Chung novel. But relaxing did not come as easily as she had hoped. Even when she was away from the workplace, Mulder had managed to unconsciously involve himself into almost every aspect of her life. Even her dreams. Don't worry about him, she told herself. I'll see him tomorrow and tell him I had decided to stay. Just as she had thought those last few words and had begun to finally relax, a knock intruded upon what little privacy she had. For every time he arrived unexpectedly at her door, she still managed to be surprised by his presence. She slowly got up from her seated position on the floor between the sofa and the coffee table, and hurried herself to the door. "Scully, it's me," Mulder shouted a bit through the door. Scully opened it, her face riddled with concern. "Mulder, what are you doing here?" she asked, as if it were the first time he came unannounced. Lately, it seemed that that was the =only= way he came by. "Scully, I need to talk to you." He placed himself at one of the chairs of the dining room table. "I just wanted to try to finish what I was saying to you last night, about you deciding to leave. And... that... I... I... wouldn't want you to feel... feel like you have to stick around with 'Spooky' Mulder. You've already... sacrificed enough, and... I will respect your decision. It's not my place---" Scully interrupted him by letting out a little chuckle. "What?" Mulder asked, taken aback by her reaction to his well prepared speech that he just came up with on the drive over to her place. She didn't mean to laugh at him, but she was amazed, actually bemused, by her partner's inability to complete his sentences without fluster. This was the same man who always seemed to have a reason, a ridiculously out-of-the-ordinary explanation, or even a wry, witty remark or two for every case they've come upon. There were times, rare times, she reminded herself, when her own words left him speechless. But this was different. She didn't even have to say anything, and here he was, confounded in trying to find the right words to say to her- Dana Katherine Scully, his partner, the only one he trusted. "Nothing," she said with a slight grin, and she sat at the chair angling it so that they were face to face. "It's just that you still surprise me." A look of confusion swept across his face. "For the years that I've known you, Mulder," she continued, focused on the collar of his shirt. "I've never known you to just let someone else make the decision without either agreeing with it fully and complete, or mustering all of your intellect into arguments until the other person considers the possibilities. But here you are now...," she lifted her left brow just a tad, "completely willing to accept someone else's decision as your own, without thought or explanation, knowing that somehow it may affect you." She stared into his hazel-green eyes and noticed how intense they seemed to be at that moment. His right hand moved towards her left one, which was resting atop her thigh, and slowly picked it up from underneath, his thumb now sweeping over her knuckles, caressing her hand in a circular motion. Not that Mulder never showed any affection for her before, but his touch, his caress, had somehow caused the hair on the back of her neck to rise just a bit, sending a shiver down her spine. She hoped that Mulder had not noticed the sudden jolt her body had involuntarily produced. If he did notice, he didn't show it, which was fine with her. "Scully, you are =not= just someone else. I trust you, and for that reason alone, I know it =will= affect me," Mulder let his words sink in to Scully, as well as himself. "And you said it so yourself, this is your life," he reminded her. "I know what I said," Scully spoke in a soft tone so as not to sound harsh. "But it's yours also, Mulder," she concluded the sentence he had meant to finish weeks before. It was as much a revelation to her as it was to Mulder. "My life. . . affects yours, and your life. . . affects mine. And maybe that's a bad thing, but I don't want to change it. Not anymore." She smiled and leaned in closer to him, their hands still connecting, and looked sternly into his subtly changing eyes. "I went to see Skinner after I dropped you off," she paused to take a deep breath, squeezing Mulder's hand in the process, and shifted her eyes downward as she always did when exchanging words with this man, "I told him I wanted to stay with the Bureau." Her eyes shifted again to see the look on his face at her announcement. He was obviously surprised, but whether he was happy or sad about it, she could not quite tell. Mulder shook his head subtlely, got up from the table and walked towards the living room area, his back facing her as she turned to watch and wait for him to speak. "Scully, I don't know if that's such a good idea," he finally said, his back still facing her. Scully's earlier noted observation of her partner's argumentative tactics stood ground. Mulder had disagreed with her decision yet again. But she wasn't angered by it. She was, however, confused. She got up out of her chair and stood. "Why not?" she asked assertively. He finally turned around and his eyes glistened with wetness. "Because!" he spoke loudly even though she was no more than five feet away from him, his frustration over her well-being taking control. He sighed, calming himself. "Because, Scully, I feel that the path we're taking. . . I'm taking. . . is heading closer to the knowledge of what happened to my sister, to the whole Truth, but I also know that this path will also lead to dangers far greater than what we've so far confronted. I'm afraid. . .," Mulder paused, looked straight into her worried blue eyes, then continued with a voice no louder than a whisper, "I'm afraid. . . for you." Scully knew this long before yesterday. She knew that her partner had somehow managed to appoint himself as her personal bodyguard from the evils of the world. And though Mulder respected her and understood her to be stronger in more ways than one, she knew that he had the protective instinct that a big brother had towards his little sister. That part of him never went away, and Scully, in certain respects, had become the hope that Mulder needed to go on in search for his sister. For him not to be able to protect Scully would shatter that hope. But Scully wasn't going to let him win this argument. "Mulder, I know. I know that the closer we get to finding your sister, the closer we are to the darkness that might be surrounding her. I knew the risks that I would take when I first joined the Bureau. I'm still willing to take the risks," Scully said with the confidence of a boxer ready to go into the ring. Mulder found his way to her sofa and buried his face in his hands. His words were muffled but understandable. "Even if it means that I can't protect you?" He finally asked, the words piercing, admitting defeat. Scully sat next to him, and placed her hand on his back, soothing him. "Mulder, I never expected you to." Mulder moved his hands away from his face and turned to look at her, seeing if he could find out what his partner meant by that. She continued. "I know you feel responsible for what happened to me, but you can't because you aren't. I never blamed you for it. It was you that helped me through, remember? I never told you that I saw you. I saw you in my dreams, after the abduction, when I was in a coma. I saw you standing there with Missy, your face showing me the anguish and blame you had put upon yourself, like you are doing right now. . . I saw you there, waiting for me, telling me that you were there for me. I remember that, often. But I never mentioned this to anyone, until now," she reached out with her left hand to cup the side of his face. "I'm here for =you= now, Mulder. I'm afraid for you, too. And I'm not going to let you face the darkness alone." "But Scully, you have cancer," it came out in such a futile manner, his voice cracking at the word. "That's why I need to stay, Mulder," she moved her away from his face. "If you're right, then the answers to what happened to me might also be revealed in this 'path', as well as the cure. And if it doesn't. . . I'll continue my life as it is. I'm not going to regret the time I've shared with you. Not at all." "Scully, don't you want more than this?" he pleaded one last time. She thought of the words that he had spoken once before. "I don't need more, Mulder." "I still have my job," Scully said confidently. "I still have you," her words echoing comforting him. "I still have myself," she repeated as he did to her before. The pain in Fox Mulder's eyes were still there, but a renewed sense of hope was cleansing the last remnants of it. It was his turn. He smiled wearily at her, and inched his right hand close to her cheek almost cupping it before she interrupted his actions by taking his hand into her own hands. She then turned the hand over to reveal his palm, and delicately pressed her lips to it, parting only after she felt the cold of his sensitive skin turn warm. One hour later Mulder had never been so surprised by his partner's actions until now. She was never one to show such sensitivity, such feminine-like qualities. Only in times of crisis had he seen her react in such a way. But this time was different. It was different for both of them. He now knew that, despite his futile attempt to push her away, to protect himself from being possibly pushed away later on in life, he needed her. And she wanted to stay with him. She needed him, too. Now here he was, on Dana Scully's sofa, with Dana Scully's head resting peacefully on his shoulder. His arm wrapped around her shoulder, her body curled up close to his own, sleeping. The events that had occurred an hour ago were recounted in his head. After she had kissed his palm, they both moved forward into each other's embrace. He felt her body warmth permeate through him. He felt her heartbeat, calm and steady, relaxed. With his chin resting on her shoulder, he could smell the wonderful light scent her hair gave out. He held her tightly, not wanting to let go, almost fearing that she may disappear once he did. She didn't loosen her grip, either. They were both indulging in this rare moment. After a few moments, Mulder had managed to somehow rest his back against the sofa, all the while pulling Scully with him. He then rested his cheek on the top of her head and she made herself comfortable, putting her head on one side of his chest, the side where his heart beat. Before letting silence take over, Mulder asked her one last familiar question, construed by habit. "You okay, Scully?" "I'm fine, Mulder. And. . . thank you." With those last words said, as if finalizing the end of a chapter, Mulder and Scully fell asleep. He had awaken only half an hour later. But that was usual in Mulder's sleeping habits. He had not been one to sleep uninterrupted on a regular basis. Immediately after he had woken up, he smiled on the realization that Dana Scully was still there, in his arms. Boy, if anyone were to ever see this. . . Never mind, he told himself. Can't think about stuff like that right now. Too many other things to think about. So, he shook himself from the joy he knew to last only this night, and being as careful as he could without disturbing his partner, he brought his other arm under Scully's legs and lifted her and himself off the sofa. Mulder then walked slowly to her room, to her bed, and placed her body on the mattress. Unfortunately, he realized he didn't lift the covers before putting her on top of it, so he pulled the top sheet from the other side and lightly covered her with it. He smiled at her. His thoughts focusing on the petite woman lying there. You are one lucky SOB, a voice in his head whispered. He then bent over and kissed her ever so gently on the forehead before leaving the room and closing the door behind him. With the courteousness of an all too grateful visitor, he turned off the lights in the living room and kitchen and took one last look at the place. He sighed, opened the door to the hallway, stepped outside of Agent Dana Katherine Scully's apartment, closed and locked the door behind him with the key she had given him long ago. Maybe. . . just maybe, he thought as he walked down the hallway, imagining the possibilities of the future, hoping that someday their lives will be complete. EPILOGUE 11:21pm The Next Night Scully's apartment Although Agent Scully could not forget the events of the previous night, she concluded that to assume that Agent Mulder considered her any more than a friend would only complicate matters, and she did not want to do that to him. But she could no longer deny her feelings for him had taken a turn. So she contemplated how to approach this situation and decided to set aside her newly found feelings and wait for however long it took for both of them to come to terms of their relationship. But not before putting her thoughts into perspective. So, she sat down on the same dining room chair she had occupied the night before, and with a pen in her hand and a blank piece of paper in front of her, she began to write. ********** Mulder, I am writing this for myself as well as for you. And if you are reading this, then I am gone. Last night, I told you of my decision to stay with you. As I write this, I hope that someday you will realize, as I now have, that my decision did not limit itself to our work, but to you personally as well. My heart is with you, and always will be, no matter what the circumstances the future holds for us, for we cannot see tomorrow, but only make the most of today for hope of a better tomorrow. My decision yesterday has given me a renewed hope. And if for some reason the darkness seperates us before we have revealed ourselves, believe in your heart that I have loved, and do love, you. Forever, Dana ********** After a moment of looking at what she had just written, she folded it neatly in thirds. She then got up and went to her desk where she found an empty envelope, placed the letter inside, and sealed it. She was going to write his name on it, but decided not to before finally putting it in the very back of her desk drawer, not to be seen again for a very long time to come. END of story ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay, what did you think? E-mail always welcome mjade24@hotmail.com