"Valley of the Shadow of Death" (1/1) April 1-4, 1997 Category: SRA Rating: PG Summary: Scully/Mulder romance. During her battle with cancer, Scully tests her faith in her partner and her religion. As emotional walls break down, the two agents find themselves in each other's arms. Warning: Spoilers for "Momento Mori" and all following episodes. If you don't know about Scully, don't read this. Believe me, if you have seen it you know what I am talking about here. Anti-shippers beware; it gets a little mushy. OK, let's be blunt: it's a tearjerker Scully/Mulder bond-a-thon. There, happy? Religious aspects are presented from the characters' point of view. I certainly don't mean to offend anyone. This may be copied, posted, downloaded or whatever so long as no money is made from its distribution, it remains intact, and my name stays on it! Thanks, and enjoy! :) Disclaimer: The X-Files, Scully, and Mulder belong to Chris Carter (a god among mere mortals), 1013 (his birthday-named company), the Fox Network, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson (able to hypnotize viewers in a single scene), and anyone else they may belong to. They aren't mine, I am just having a little fun with them. I am making no money with this. Don't sue me, 'cause I ain't worth it! No copyright infringement is intended. Also, "One Sweet Day" and "Layla" are also copyrighted by whoever. No infringement intended. I don't think God will mind that I borrowed a few lines from the Bible, do you? :) This one is definitely for my buddy Kathy, AKA "X-1", for reading all of my prior fanfic and just putting up with me. "Don't forget your coat!" =O) Let me know what you think!! E-mail me at Creyente@aol.com. Please!!! I live for e-mail!!! "Valley of the Shadow of Death" By Kristin Pohaski FBI Headquarters 4:32 PM She was sick. It scared Mulder to see her this way, weak but trying to be so strong. The cancer, at this point, was scaring her more than anything else, but there were still the nosebleeds. Mulder looked up from the open file on his desk and looked across the room at Scully. She was sitting in her chair with her eyes closed, massaging her temples. She looks pale, Mulder thought. "Scully?" She looked over at him. "What?" she asked wearily. "Let me take you home," he said. "You're tired. You had three nosebleeds today, and it's Friday. You've had a rough week." Scully answered with her usual, "I'm fine, Mulder." But her words didn't hold the conviction and belief that they had held in that hospital hallway weeks ago. She sounded weak, fragile. And it frightened him. "Scully...." he sighed. "It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean you're giving up." He stood and crossed the room in a few long strides. He stood above her and placed his hand on her shoulder. He had expected her to pull away, to put the walls up between them. Instead she gazed up at him with those blue eyes. He looked down on her, lost in an ocean of blue. Those eyes have seen too much, he thought. Too much pain. Not enough love. Especially from me. She stood up next to him as he pulled his hand away and placed her hand lightly on his chest. "It's OK, Mulder," she said. "Let's go home." Washington Beltway 5:13 PM The traffic was horrendous. Scully was in the passenger side of Mulder's car, curled up in a ball with her arms wrapped around her knees. Staring out the window, she muttered, "We should have stayed at work." She sighed. "Or at least gone to your place. It's closer." "You should have told me you wanted to spend the night at my place, Scully," Mulder said slyly. Scully smiled and turned to look at him. "Cute Spooky, very cute." Her eyes were shining, and she looked a lot better since leaving work. Mulder felt somewhat relieved at seeing the change in her. Not that he was going to leave her alone, of course. "It's good to see you smile, Scully," he said softly. "I think the last time I saw you smile was around your birthday." Her smile widened. "Pink snoball," she muttered. She hit the power button on the radio, and Mulder started humming to himself when "Layla" came on. Mulder's eyes were on the road, but Scully's eyes were on him. She suddenly heard and all too familiar voice speak to her in her head. What? she asked it. Mulder? He is my partner. He's my best friend. I.... Do I? Yes. I do. I love him with all my heart, all my soul. I can't. I'm afraid. I.... I don't know. "Scully?" Mulder's voice broke into her thoughts, and she looked up at him. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" "You were staring at me." "Oh. Was I? I was just... thinking." Scully looked down and folded her hands in her lap. Does he know? They sat there for a few moments, just appreciating each other's presence. A new song came onto the radio, "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey. "Sorry I never told you All I wanted to say..." Scully looked up at Mulder, smile gone from her lips. Mulder glanced over, but upon meeting her gaze he quickly looked back at the road. "Never had I imagined Living without your smile..." Mulder felt tears stinging his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. Instead he brushed a piece of Scully's hair behind her ear. At Mulder's touch, Scully's hand flew out of her lap and turned the radio off. They sat in silence the rest of the way to Scully's apartment. Dana Scully's Apartment 8:27 PM Scully lay on her couch, having given up working on the files Mulder had brought over. She was now reading Breakfast at Tiffany's, or at least trying to. She found that she couldn't keep her mind off of the man that was sitting no more than ten feet away at her dining room table. The two had finally reached her place at six o'clock. When they walked in, Scully had changed into jeans and a flannel shirt, while Mulder had taken his jacket and tie off and rolled off his sleeves. The two had ordered Chinese food for dinner, making small talk as they unwound from the day. Mulder was now flipping through a few X-Files and trying to make Scully think he was actually working. He looked over at her every few seconds, and he was struck by how right it felt just to be there with her. He wanted, needed, any excuse to stay there with her. My God, I love her, he found himself thinking. I can't She'll push me away. That was different. She needed me then. But.... What if she doesn't feel the same way? But what if.... She would have told me. If she loved me, she would have told me by now. Shut up. "You want a soda?" Mulder nearly fell out of his chair. He looked up to see Scully standing at the refrigerator, an amused smile on her face. "Scare you?" "You have no idea," he quipped. She tossed him an iced tea. Mulder caught it against his chest and looked at it, wondering if it meant what he thought it did. "If there's an iced tea in that bag...." Scully began, still smiling. "Could be love," he finished. "The Tooms case." "Mmm-hmm." Scully turned to the fridge and took out another iced tea for herself. "Mulder, you might as well put those files away. All you're doing is shuffling papers over there anyway." "Guilty as charged, Agent Scully." As she watched him put the files away, she began to think of what it would be like without him. I'm not gonna die. I need him. Scully's fingers found the tiny golden cross that hung around her neck. Don't tear us apart, she pleaded to whoever might be listening. She felt hot tears sting her eyes, and was grateful that Mulder, for the first time in the whole evening, wasn't watching her. She finished her tea in one big gulp to try and keep herself from becoming hysterical. She turned to walk back over to the couch. As she walked across the room, she could feel Mulder's eyes on her back. He steps slowed, and her breath quickened as she tried to choke back the impending tears. It was too much for her as memories came flooding back to her in a rush. Memories of them, visions of life without each other. Halfway across the dimly lit room, Scully hit her knees, fingers still clutching the gold cross. She knelt there, tears streaming freely down her cheeks, sobbing, and did the only think she knew she could still do. She prayed. She prayed for her life, her soul. And she prayed that Mulder would come and wrap his arms around her. Upon seeing Scully hit the ground, Mulder jumped out of his chair and rushed to her side. He knelt behind her and wrapped his arms around her, arms across her stomach, hands on either side of her waist. As Scully placed her hands on Mulder's forearms, he could hear her murmuring something through her tears. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..." Mulder recognized it instantly. The twenty-third Psalm. She's Catholic, he recalled. All she has left is her faith. "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, He leadeth me beside the still waters." No, he realized. She has her faith, but she also has me. His voice joined hers, soft yet strong, in reciting one of the few pieces of scripture that he knew by heart. The two voices spoke together. "He restoreth my soul, He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake." Two voices speaking together, two hearts beating as one, two souls crying out to whatever God might be listening. Whispering a prayer into the night. "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil." Mulder's breath was in her hair, tears now on his face as well. "For thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." Their voices never faltered. "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over." Don't take her from me. Don't take me away from him. I love her. I love him. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Their hearts crying out, their souls reaching for each other. Scully turned in his arms and pressed her face into the hollow where his collarbones came together. Her cheeks were damp with salty tears that she still cried. Mulder's arms tightened around her waist, his hands now on the small of her back. He whispered to her softly. "Yea thought I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil." Scully wound her hands into his shirt, her tears soaking through the soft fabric. "It's OK," Mulder whispered. "It's OK." He kissed her cheek, he ran his fingers through her auburn hair. Neither of them knew how long they stayed there; neither of them cared. The tears slowly stopped, and their breathing returned to normal. When Scully felt that she could speak again, she whispered, "Mulder, I'm so tired." He understood completely. She was tired of fighting, tired of hurting, tired of being afraid. He slipped one arm under her knees and another at her shoulders and picked her up. He was struck by how light she was in his arms, how she just seemed to fit there. He half expected her to protest, to demand to be put down, to say that she was fine. Instead she wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him like a frightened child. She silently mouthed the words against his shirt like a precious secret. I love you. Mulder carried her into the bedroom and gently set her down on the bed. "I want you to get changed," he said. "I'll be right back." Mulder walked across the hallway and into the bathroom. He caught a glance of himself in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot. He turned the cold water on and splashed his face several times. Then he pulled a washcloth out of the linen closet and ran it under warm water. After Mulder pulled the door shut, Scully got up and went to her dresser. She changed into a tank top style blue satin nightshirt that fell to just above her knees. She sat down on the edge of the bed and heard a light knock on the door. "It's OK," she said, and Mulder walked into the room. "Thanks," she said as he handed her the washcloth. I must look like hell, she thought as she wiped away the salty teartracks and smudges of black mascara. She walked over to the dresser once again and pulled a brush through her hair several times. When she looked up she saw Mulder looking at her in the mirror. "Are you OK?" he asked. "I just need some sleep," she lied. She knew that he knew, but to his credit he simply pulled back the comforter on her bed and fluffed the pillows. He put a hand on her shoulder and pulled her over to the bed. As she lay down he pulled a blanket over her and tucked a few stray hairs behind her ear. "You know I'm not leaving," he said. She smiled slightly. "I had figured as much." "I'll be on the couch if you need anything," he said. He started to walk away slowly. Suddenly she couldn't stand the thought of being there in that dark room all alone. She wanted him there, just as she knew he wanted to stay. Call him, the voice in her head nagged. And this time she didn't even try to argue. "Mulder?" She sat up. Mulder turned and looked at her, so small and fragile. "Would you not leave?" she said, voice trembling. "Please?" just above a whisper. He saw the certainty in her shimmering blue eyes, and it was all the invitation he needed. He walked across the room, kicking his shoes off. He sat himself on the edge of the bed, hesitating to touch her. Even in the darkened room, she saw the questions in his eyes. "Hold me." He put a hand on her cheek and kissed her softly. She loved every second, but when he pulled away, she turned from him and lay herself down, scooting over to give him room. He swung his legs into the bed and slid his arms around her. He slid his hand rhythmically up and down her arm and whispered, "God, Scully, I thought you'd never ask." She fell asleep first, breath deepening, muscles relaxing. Mulder lay awake for hours, just enjoying being there with her. And when sleep finally came to him, it was the first time in weeks that Fox Mulder slept a dreamless sleep. At some point in the early morning, Mulder woke up. Scully heard him wake, but she didn't move. Thinking she was asleep, Mulder took her hand in his. "Dana Katherine Scully, I love you." To Mulder's shock, she squeezed his hand and whispered, "I know." She turned and gazed into his green eyes. "I love you." And she smiled. The smile slowly faded. "Mulder, I'm sick. How...." She stopped when Mulder smiled. "What?" "Amor vincet omnia," he murmured. "Latin?" she asked. He nodded, still smiling. "What does it mean?" "Love conquers all, sweetheart. Love conquers all." THE END E-mail me!!!! Please!! Creyente@aol.com. E-mail is my life!!!! Please! Feedback, I need feedback, people!!!!! :)