Disclaimer: These characters are the property of 20th Century Fox,
Ten Thirteen Productions, and Chris Carter. No infringement intended.

Author's note: I would like to thank Scott for the comments, suggestions,
and constructive criticisms about my writing.  It helped me very much.
Are the thought quotes better in this one? ;-)

Classification: MSR
Rating: R (sexual situations, language)
Summary: Scully's cancer re-surfaces.
Feedback: Please! 

"Turning Point" 
by Lisa (danil001@bama.ua.edu)


"If all of the strength and all of the courage
         come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
                full of grace"  
                        -Sarah McLachlan
                      
Scully was in the doctor's office, sitting on the uncomfortable table 
in a blue dressing gown that wouldn't stay closed, awaiting the results 
of her MRI. It had been a year now since the cancer was in remission.
She wished the doctor would hurry up so she could get back to the office
and finish her latest report for Skinner. 
Dr. Peters came in holding her chart. She couldn't read his 
expression. He hesitated before speaking to her, as if collecting his
thoughts. 
   "Dana, I don't know how to tell you this, but the tumor has 
started to grow back."
   Scully looked at him.  Shock and fear spread over her face. No. 
Not now. "It's been a year.  I thought the cancer wouldn't
come back after that much time had elapsed." Oh God. What now? 
   "There is a significant relapse rate with these types of tumors."
Dr. Peters explained. "I'm sorry, but I need to now if you want
to go ahead with chemotherapy and radiation like before."
   "Yes, of course." she said weakly.
   Dr. Peters said she could set up and appointment with the 
secretary as soon as it was convenient for her. He expressed
how sorry he was again and then left the room.
   Scully got dressed and set up a time for next week. She had 
to tell her mother. Notify Skinner that she may need some time
off depending how sick the treatments make her feel. Mulder. 
This was going to be hard to tell him. She remembered the last 
time she told him about the cancer. The look on his face. The 
hurt in his eyes. He didn't want to accept it. She didn't think 
he ever did since he never stopped searching for a cure.  However,
Smoking Man was dead.  There would be no deals with the devil.
This time medicine was the only weapon she possessed. She 
hoped it would be enough. It had to be.
   Scully was on her way back to the office. How could she face
paperwork, reports, and deadlines now? Her life was being 
threatened again. That was the most important deadline facing
her right now. Instead, she drove around for hours going nowhere
and anywhere at the same time. She played all the scenarios in her
mind of how this could work out. Might work out. She had to try
and accept the fact that she may not live this time.  Back at her
apartment, she tried to do something to keep herself busy. Nothing 
worked. She couldn't stand the silence. Getting back in the car, she
found herself at Mulder's front door.
    Scully knocked.  Once, twice.  The door opened.  "Scully, what's 
up?"  Mulder asked, gesturing for her to come in.  
   She walked over and sat down on the couch. Looking down at the 
floor, she wondered how to tell him this.  Tell him that she may not 
be with him in a few months.  He would have to continue this 
journey alone.  "I went to the doctor today. . ." she started. "he told
me that the tumor has started to grow back."
   Mulder couldn't believe it. After all this time. After all they had
been
through. She was just getting her life back in order. 
   "I'm going to start the treatments again next week.  The sooner the
 better."
   Mulder knelt down in front of her and held her hands in his.  "I'm 
sorry. I thought because it had been so long . . ." 
   "So did I, but the doctor said that the relapse . . ." Scully trailed 
off in mid-sentence, collapsing into tears.  
   Mulder moved up on the couch and put his arms around her as 
she continued to cry.  Not now.  She couldn't go through 
this again.  He saw how much it took out of her before. How it
tested her faith, her beliefs in life and death. 
   "I've got to beat this. The last time, well that was different. This 
time I have to rely on the treatments alone." she began. "Mulder,
it has to work.  I can't . ." She moved her head from his chest and 
looked at him.
   He kissed her forehead. "You'll beat this. I know it." Mulder
said softly to her.  He looked into her eyes and saw the fear in
them.  That's what he hated. Seeing the uncertainty and worry
reflected in her face. He wanted to keep her safe. Always. He 
moved down to kiss her cheek softly. Then the other one.  His 
mouth moved down to her lips gently. Gently kissing them as 
if that could stop the advancement of the disease.

   Scully closed her eyes. She let herself go and just feel the
sensations that his mouth was evoking in her. The pleasure  
of his lips on her skin. On her mouth. It felt so good.  
She needed this now. Needed him.
   Mulder moved his mouth down her neck and his kisses became
hungrier, more needy. He felt her responding to him. Felt her
move closer to him.  Pulling him to her. He pulled away from her
and searched her face. 
   "Mulder, what . . ." she mumbled.
   "What are we doing, Scully?"  he looked puzzled. 
   "Has it been that long?" she asked.
   "Scully, I don't want . . ."
   "I don't want you to stop." she stated.
    Mulder never imagined in a million years that she would 
say those words to him. He didn't want to stop. He needed
to touch her. He wanted to touch her. He slid her blazer
off her shoulders and started unbuttoning her blouse with
unsteady hands. He helped it fall off her shoulders and down
to the couch in a white pool of silk.
   "Touch me. Please." she pleaded.
   Mulder slid his hands over the lacy undergarment. She 
felt so soft. So good. Her moans of pleasure were echoing in 
his ears. He eased her down on the couch. His mouth moved 
over her neck and down her body placing gentle kisses over
the upper swell of her breasts. Her head was arched back 
against the cushions. She looked beautiful.
   He undid her pants and slid them off of her along with her
stockings.  
   "Mulder. . ." she breathed.
   Lifting her off the couch, he took her into the bedroom laying 
her down on his rarely used bed.  "Scully, are you sure?"
   "Yes, Mulder.  I want to be with you."  Scully whispered to
him. She felt him undo the clasp on her bra, sliding it off of
her body.  His hands were all over her body now. Touching.
Stroking. Caressing.  She repeated his name over and over 
again. She felt him take off her panties. 
   "I've wanted to make love to you for so long. I've wanted to
be this close to you, Scully." His voice was filled with desire and
passion for this woman in his arms.
   Scully just looked at him. Her eyes softened. Those words 
touched her deeply.  He would never know how much. 
   Mulder quickly shed his clothes and putting his arms around her
waist he moved her to the middle of the bed. "Mulder, please
. . . now.  Please. "
   Scully moved her legs apart and he came between them entering her
in one swift movement. She gasped with the intensity and pleasure 
of it.  Wrapping her legs around his waist, she pulled him in deeper 
before both of their bodies convulsed in waves of pleasure.
                              
   Her  breathing was still labored when Mulder pulled her into his 
arms. She felt him kiss her on the forehead.  Soon after, she fell 
fast asleep.  

                                  

   Scully woke up sometime later and moved closer to Mulder kissing 
him softly to awaken him.  He stirred. "Make love to me again." she said.
This time their lovemaking was slow and tender as if trying to make up
for the previous time.  His hands moved over her body slowly. The    
whisper-light kisses over her face and body set her skin on fire.  


She drowned in his sea of desire. 
 


         *     *     *

   The next morning, Scully woke up and saw Mulder sleeping peacefully 
beside her.  Then reality hit.  Everything started going through her 
mind. The change in their relationship . . . what if the bureau 
finds out . . . they would be separated . . . Her cancer.   She 
didn't want him to stay with her out of pity. Not that. Anything but
that.
   Scully found her clothes and quickly dressed.  Grabbing her keys and
purse, she silently left him and his apartment.
 
   Back at her place, she took off her clothes preparing to take a shower.
That's when she caught the scent.  His scent. On her blouse. Her skin.
Her hair.  She didn't want to wash it off.  She loved the images it 
evoked.  However, she had to forget this somehow, some way. 

                                 *     *     *

   Mulder shifted in bed and reached for Scully beside him.  Opening his
eyes, he didn't see her beside him, or in fact in the room at all.  He 
called her name. Once. Twice. Getting out of bed he found her keys
and purse gone.  Why didn't she say anything?  Perhaps she didn't
want to wake him. Perhaps she had work to catch up on.  He hoped. 

An hour later, Scully was in their office reading over some files 
before Mulder arrived.  What was she going to say to him?  What 
lie would he believe? 
   Mulder entered the room and saw her sitting at his desk.  She looked
even more beautiful than last night, if that was possible. Walking over
to her he said: "You didn't say anything this morning before leaving."
   "I didn't want to wake you." she said. 
   Mulder pulled her up from the chair. "Mulder, what are you doing?"
"I want to say good morning properly." He leaned in to kiss her.  She 
pulled away.  "What's wrong?" 
   Think fast, Dana. Say something to him.  "Mulder, last night . . .
that was just sex.  Nothing's changed in our relationship." 
   Mulder looked at her.  How could she say that? Last night he thought
they had really connected. Not just in a physical sense.  "I thought 
that . . ." Mulder started.
   Scully cut him off.  "I was upset and you comforted me.  That was 
all." 
   "You should have made that clear from the beginning."  Mulder said 
trying not to sound hurt.
   "I'm sorry. I guess I should have said something.  I've got to finish 
this up.  So, if you don't mind." Scully said dismissing him.
   "Sure, no problem. I've . . .I've got a meeting anyway."  He shut
the door behind him.  Running up the stairs, he kept thinking of how
he felt used. How she betrayed him emotionally last night.  It had to
have meant more to her.  The way she responded to him. Was it just
an act?  
   Scully closed her eyes. She felt terrible for saying those words to
him.   Still, this was for the best.  Sooner or later, it would be
over and she would get hurt. Sooner was better.  It saved both
of them pain in the long run. She had to concentrate on her 
treatments now. 
   It went on like that for days.  Mulder was afraid to approach the
subject because every time he did, she would avoid his eyes. Or 
change the conversation and say she wasn't feeling well because of 
the treatments.  He didn't know how to reach her.  Scully just 
closed herself off emotionally from him.  So, Mulder decided to
drop it, thinking, when she was ready she would tell him.
Their relationship had changed.  He tried to joke with her, but she 
barely smiled, let alone laughed.  It was more than the lethargy from
the treatments.  Mulder could see it in her eyes - fear.  Fear that the 
treatments wouldn't work.  Fear of leaving him here alone.  Scully 
felt uncomfortable around him and he hated it. 

                            *     *     *

   Scully closed her eyes.  She had been staring at this computer screen
for hours searching the pathology databases trying to discern a cause 
of death for the latest victim.  Getting up, she felt a sharp pain in 
her head.  Got up too fast,  she thought to herself. However,
she started to walk and was dizzy and disoriented like she had been
drugged. Holding onto the desk for support, she felt the blood 
trickle down her nose and quickly wiped it away.  The pain was
becoming more intense.  Harder. Stronger. 
   Mulder saw her as he entered the computer lab. Rushing over to
her, he steadied her with an arm around her waist. "Scully . . ."
She closed her eyes willing the pain to stop. "C'mon, let's go."
Mulder led her out of the room. Everyone was looking at them.
She had no choice but to follow her partner. 
   Downstairs in their office, Mulder asked if he could take her home. 
Scully was too tired to refuse. It would lead to an argument and 
she wasn't up for that now. She grabbed her coat and they both walked
out the back door to the parking garage.
   Back at Scully's apartment, she was just waiting for Mulder to 
give her a lecture.  Stop working. You need to rest more. The 
treatments are getting harder and harder for you to handle. 
Stay home and wait.  Wait to die. 
   "I'll be fine.  I'll just rest up and be back to work tomorrow."
   "No, you need to go back to the doctor. Have some more tests
done to see if the . . ."
   "To see if the cancer has spread, Mulder. If they have it down to 
the day yet!" she shouted at him as if that could make him understand
better. 
   "Stop it, Scully.  You know that's not what I meant." 
   She walked over to the couch and sat down.  "I have to give you
credit, Mulder. You put off the lecture for at least 5 minutes."
   "Why can't we talk about this?  Everyday I see you suffer from
the treatments, yet you continue to ignore it.  Pretend everything
is all right."   
   "I have to beat this.  There's no room for me to be weak.  Am I 
supposed to lay in bed, hoping the tumor will go away? Waiting 
for a miracle? I need to be living. To continue on with my life." 
   Mulder looked at her about ready to say something. 
   "You don't have to worry about me every moment of the day!"
she yelled at him.
   Mulder knelt down in front of her. "I do, Scully. You already
believe you will beat this again and if that means taking time
off, well you need to do it." It doesn't mean you are not strong. 
You just recognize your limitations."
   The nosebleeds began again.  Mulder handed her a tissue from the
end table. "I'm tired of being sick every week. So tired." He moved
up and sat beside her, putting his arms around her. She let him. Let 
him hold her. It felt good. It felt right.  Mulder pressed his lips into
her hair.  She remembered that night. How she lied to him the next
morning.  Scully pulled away from his embrace.  "I need to get some
rest . . ."
   "Why do you always do this?  Why won't you let me be close to you?
Not since that night when we . . ."
   "I don't want to talk about that, all right.  Not now." Her voice
became angry, distant.
   "No, Scully we need to talk about it." he persisted.
   "It's in the past, Mulder."  Why could he move past it?
   "It has changed our relationship.  You can't deny that." He stated.
    Scully laid back on the couch and closed her eyes.  "You need to 
leave now."
   "A mistake. It was a mistake." he said angrily getting up to leave.
   "What was, Mulder?" she asked casually, her eyes still shut.
   "That night. I shouldn't have made love to you."
   She looked at him. He was hurt. His eyes were full of anger.  She 
watched him walk out and slam the door behind him.  The tears
came now. She couldn't stop them and buried her face in the 
sofa cushions to muffle her tortured sobs.  A couple of hours
later she awoke to more blood running into her mouth. Getting 
up to wipe it away, she changed into her robe deciding to 
go to bed. Catching her reflection in the mirror, she barely 
recognized the woman who stared back at her. Thin, pale, and
weak.  She looked terrible and felt even worse. 
   The bed welcomed her and she cried herself to sleep wondering
if everything in her life would ever get better. Or was this the
beginning of the end of their relationship? The end of her life?

                            *     *     *

   It had been almost a week since Mulder had stormed out of her
apartment. He worried about her, as always.  However, he didn't
want to see her unless she wanted to talk about these past few
weeks and all that had happened. Her cancer. Her fears. That night. 
Mulder didn't understand why she was so closed off from him, if   
anything that should have brought them closer together.  He had
asked if she was sure, if she wanted to go through with it. Scully  
didn't seem like the one night stand type. Maybe she regretted it. 
He thought he understood his partner, but now he was unsure.
He couldn't help feeling betrayed.

   Mulder knocked on her door. Needing to see her. If she got worse
and he wasn't there he'd never forgive himself. 
   Mrs. Scully opened the door. "Fox, come in."
   Mulder was afraid now. Her mother was here. She must be worse.
   "Is Dana here?" he asked, almost afraid to know the answer.
   "Yes. She's resting."
   Mulder suddenly felt awkward and out of place. Did she tell her 
mom anything about what had happened? He knew they were close.
   "I'm afraid I don't have very good news." Mrs. Scully stated.
   Oh God. No. She's dying. Not now. Not when there is so much
left unsaid between us. 
   "There has been no change and she has gotten very sick from the 
treatments.  I'm trying to get her to eat, but she spends most of
the time in bed. Her doctor said she needs to rest, but I think she
has . . .given in to this disease." Her mother said the tears beginning
to well up in her eyes.
   "Can I see her?"  
    Mrs. Scully looked at him with hope.  "Maybe you can help her. 
She'll listen to you, Fox." 
   He wasn't sure about that.  He hoped she wouldn't ask him to 
leave. Mulder walked into her bedroom, pushing the door open
wider.  She was asleep.  The covers were pulled up to her chest.
The sheets and comforter were white.  The only color in the room
was her hair. Her auburn hair fanning over the pillow.  He remembered
how it felt in his hands.  How it felt on his skin. 

   Scully opened her eyes to find Mulder standing over her bed deep in 
thought about something. Maybe her, she hoped. 
    "How are you feeling?"
    "Tired. Weak." She said softly.  
   Mulder walked over to the chair and pulled it close to her bed.
He sat down and touched her hand. She closed her eyes and squeezed
his hand lightly. 
   Despite what happened a week ago, she needed him and was comforted
by his presence.
   Mulder started to say something, but Mrs. Scully walked in. She looked
upset. Scared. 
   "Dana, I just received some bad news." She said softly, the worry 
evident in her voice.
   "What's wrong. Mom?"
   "My neighbor, she's had a heart attack." She said, her voice shaky.
   "What happened?" Is she going to be all right?" her daughter asked.
   "I don't know. . . I spoke with her husband. He's very upset. I 
need to go to the hospital back home."
   "I'm fine, Mom. Go ahead."
   "I don't want to leave you alone. The doctor said . . ."
   "I'll be fine by myself.  I'll eat."  she assured her mother.  
   "I'll stay with her." Mulder interrupted.
   "Would you?" Mrs. Scully asked. "Just a couple of days. I'd feel
much better if she wasn't alone now . . in case she needs anything."
   "I won't let her out of my sight." her partner promised.
   "It would help to ease my mind a little if you would, Fox." Mrs. 
Scully said before leaving the room.  
   "Mulder, you don't have to do this." She didn't want him here. This 
close. She wouldn't be able to look at him and see the hurt in his eyes.
   "Scully, you heard what your mom said." he said half-smiling. 
Maybe she would open up to him now. He hoped.
   She gave him an exasperated look.

   Twenty minutes later after packing and giving her daughter a good-bye
hug and kiss and promising to call her when she knew more information
she was gone.
   "Ok, Mulder. She left."
   "So?"
   "You can leave now." Scully ordered.
   "I'm staying."
   "Mulder, damn it, I don't need a babysitter." She didn't want him to
pity her. She's dying so I'll ease my conscience and stay here.
   "I know. You won't even know I'm here." He hoped that wasn't true.
    Yes she would. All too well.
   "I need to get some rest now." She stated tuning her body away from
him.
   Mulder knew she was withdrawing from him again. "I'm going to get
some things from my apartment."  he walked towards the door. "Do
you need anything before I leave?" he said, turning around to face her.
   "No." She said coldly.

   Scully heard the front door slam.  Just like last time.  The day 
after he left she started to get worse.  She called her mom since
she was still upset with Mulder. The two of them went to the 
hospital. But, nothing was helping. She might as well give up. What
did she have left? More pain and treatments to look forward to. She
didn't have Mulder.  It just gave her more time to think about him.
She replayed that sentence in her mind a million times -
"'It was a mistake.'"  Those words hurt her so much.  She didn't
know which was worse, the physical pain from the cancer or the
emotional pain from those four words.  Her dreams were filled 
with Mulder.  He was making love to her. In her bed. On her 
couch.  Anywhere and everywhere.  It didn't matter; they were
together and he whispered to her how much he loved her. Always.
Forever.  She would awaken and cry into her pillow.  Forgetting 
that wonderful night would be the hardest thing to do. How was she
going to face him  knowing he didn't return her feelings?   

   Mulder came back with a duffel bag.  He checked on Scully. 
She was asleep, or pretending to be because she wanted to avoid
talking with him.  Walking to the other room, he decided to make
himself some dinner.  The only thing that looked edible in the 
refrigerator was some left over pasta, which he microwaved, 
adding some tomato sauce to it.  He glanced over to the couch
where he'd be sleeping tonight and noticed how close it was to 
*her* bedroom.  If he had a choice, he would rather sleep next 
to her, just holding her through the night. But, she didn't want
that. She made that perfectly clear weeks ago. 

   Scully awakened in the middle of the night hungry. She softly
walked out of her room towards the kitchen.  She stopped. Turned 
around and saw Mulder asleep on the couch.  She could barely make
out his features in the dim light of the room.  He looked so peaceful.
So still. She wanted to sleep next to him.  The feeling was so strong
to go over to him and touch him. He'd wake up and pull her into his
arms and hold her tight . . . tighter. But she couldn't and he wouldn't. 
Scully reached over and touched his soft hair stroking it gently. He 
began to stir and she felt guilty for watching him like this. How 
would she explain herself if he awakened? She crept back to her
bedroom, hoping sleep would come soon.  It didn't. 

                   *     *     *

   The next few days passed uneventfully. They talked, but not
about anything important. Small talk. Current events.  Scully ate
just because Mulder would give her an exasperated look if she 
refused.  She was feeling stronger and slept less during the day.
If she needed anything, Mulder would make it for her or go out
to the store and get it.  Physically, she was doing much better; 
emotionally, she was a mess. She wanted to tell him the truth,
but was afraid of how he'd react. Anyway, he already admitted
to her that it was a mistake and it shouldn't have happened, so
there's was nothing to gain by setting the record straight.    

               *     *     *

   Late one night before bed, Scully was getting up off the couch
and she felt the dizziness and lightheadedness return.  She tried to 
steady herself with the armrest. It wasn't working.  Mulder 
noticed her struggling and went over to her.  Scully grasped his
arm for support.  Before she could protest, he scooped her up in
his arms and carried her towards the bedroom. Wrapping her 
arms around his neck, she remembered how good it felt to be
this close to him. To breathe in his familiar scent.

   Mulder laid her gently on the bed. He thought he saw tears in 
her eyes.  She had a haunted look on her face. He sat down next to
her. Waiting for her to say something, anything. 
   "I'm tired of feeling weak and helpless." She said angrily.  "Tired 
of this apartment and want to go back to work . . . back to the 
things we used to do together . . . back to that night we spent 
together . ." she stopped catching herself before she revealed the 
truth to him.
   It was too late. "What about that night, tell me." She was so close
to revealing why she refused to talk about it all these weeks. "Finish
that sentence, Scully."  Mulder pleaded.
   Scully turned away from him, moving towards the middle of the
bed.  She couldn't say it. 
   "No, Scully, don't do this to me. Not now." he gently took a hold
of her shoulders and pulled her to face him.    
   Scully looked at him knowing she was going to hurt the man she 
loved.  It couldn't be helped now.  "That was the last time I was 
happy. . . the last time I felt something besides weakness and pain."
   "Go on." Mulder urged. 
   "I . .  I lied to you that morning it meant . . it was wonderful.  
It couldn't just be sex for us . . . "
   Mulder jumped away from her like he had been burned.  He 
got off the bed and stood in front of it, in front of her as if he 
were a judge and she was awaiting sentencing. "Why? How could 
you, Scully? You . . you . . LIED . . to me!" he yelled at her 
emphasizing that word.
   Scully couldn't stop the tears now. They rolled down her cheeks as
her looked into the angry eyes of her partner. "I thought that it was
best . . . I was afraid that . . . that . . ." 
   "That what, Scully. That someone would get that close to you! 
I'd get close to you.  It's been six years. Six . . . years." he spat out 
the last sentence.  Mulder rushed through the open bedroom door and 
continued into the living room.
   Scully got up and followed him. "Mulder, where are you going?"
she cried desperately.
   "I don't know.  I need to get out of here before I say something
I'll regret." he said, the anger still evident in his voice.
   "Wait, let me explain . . . don't leave . . . just listen to me 
for a minute . . ."
   "So you can tell me another lie! How am I supposed to believe
you?!  You could be lying now!" he shouted slamming the door
without looking back at her.
   "No, Mulder . . . don't go . . . don't leave me.  I'm so . . so 
sorry. . please believe me.  I love you" Scully sank to the couch,
sobbing.

               *     *     *

   After driving around for two hours with one question in his mind - 
why? Mulder came back to her to find the answer. He couldn't leave 
her alone. He thought he heard her starting to cry before he slammed
the door. The thought of her falling to the ground with tears running
down her face was too much to bear.  She started to explain, but he 
had been so hurt and angry at that moment he couldn't even look at 
her, let alone listen to her reasons.  Besides, they weren't going to
solve anything apart from one another.  When he entered the apartment,
she was asleep on the couch.  It was dark, but he could make out her
small form on the sofa sleeping peacefully.  She needed to rest.  It 
could wait until the morning.  Walking into the bedroom, he slipped
out of his clothes and into sweat pants and a tee shirt before crawling 
into her bed.  The last thing he remembered was the smell of her on
the sheets before drifting off to sleep.   

   Scully heard him come in.  He probably wanted the couch back.  
She got up and walked into her bedroom.  Taking her robe off, she
slipped under the covers.  Something was wrong. It felt too warm.
Mulder was in her bed. Next to her. This close. 
   "Tell me why." he demanded into the darkness. "What were your
 reasons, Scully?"
   Scully was glad he was ready to listen. She only hoped he would
understand and forgive her for her misguided judgment.  "That 
morning when I woke up I was scared. Scared of what would
happen to our relationship. I didn't know if I'd live this time and 
couldn't bear having to say good-bye to you.  Not after we became . . .
became lovers.  
   "Scully . . . Dana, I . . ."
   "Let me finish. I didn't want you staying with me out of pity because
of this disease.  I 'm afraid I won't make it this time and I don't . . . 
I don't want to leave you." she finished sobbing on that last sentence.
   Mulder reached for her in the darkness and held her as she cried. 
Wishing he could heal her with just this loving gesture.  He reached
over and turned on the light so he could see her when he said these 
next words to her. 
   Scully blinked her eyes at the offending light, seeing the unshed
tears in Mulder's eyes. Oh God, what did I do? I hurt him so much. 
   "It wouldn't be any easier for me to watch this disease take you 
from me if we weren't lovers." Mulder said softly.  "I don't want 
you to stop fighting, Scully. If you do then this disease has already
won. It's already taken you away from me." Mulder wiped away the
tears from her face.  
   "I'm going to fight, Mulder, but I need you with me. I can't do 
this alone." she said looking into his eyes.  
   "I'm not going anywhere, Scully." he told her squeezing her hand  
gently.  "Besides, I don't want the woman I love wasting away in bed."
   Scully smiled at him.  The first time in a few weeks.  She wasn't 
sure she heard that right.  Love? "I love you too, whatever happens 
to me with the cancer I want you to know that."
   "Don't talk like that, Scully." Mulder told her.  "We will beat this
together."
    Scully remembered what he said to her about that night. Did he 
  really mean it? "Then that . . . that night wasn't a mistake?"
   "No, I was just . . .angry and upset at you.  It could never be just 
one night for us, Scully.  We both know that."  Mulder admitted to
her. 
   Scully leaned over to him. Kissing him softly on the cheek.  
"I missed you.  I want to be close to you. This close." she said 
pressing her body to his.
   Mulder wrapped his arms around her.  Holding her tight.
   Scully pressed her face into his chest.  Closing her eyes, she felt 
nothing but the warmth of his embrace.  His body close to hers.  
Nothing separating them. Ever again. 

END

Hey, you're still here.  Well, what did you think? - L.