Here is another tale from Macspooky. This one is a post Momento Mori/Kaddish story so for those who haven't seen the episodes, read at your own discretion. There are definite spoilers here. This one is rated G and I would say that non romancers aren't going to like it in the least. It is mostly written through Mulder's perspective. It was finished on February 25, 1997. The series still belongs to CC, 1013, Fox, etc. I'm just borrowing it as usual. No copyright infringements are intended and no money is being made. I have no idea who wrote or sang the song I refer to in this story. I can't remember, but I hear it on the "Golden Oldies" station once in awhile. Thank you, whoever you are. Story Summary: Mulder and Scully work their first case together after the treatment Dana received in Allentown. They take a flight from New York to Washington when it is over. "Only Love " by Macspooky Fox Mulder raced into Dana Scully's hospital room to see an empty bed. For an instant, time stood still. He felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. She was gone. While he had been with the clones, the handsome young males with red hair and blue eyes at the infertility clinic, his partner had died leaving him alone with nothing of her, nothing except the vial of her ova in his pocket that suddenly felt as though it were burning a hole in his soul. He saw her notebook sitting open and picked it up fighting hard to keep his hands from shaking. He knew it had been written for him, that it would be her way of saying good-bye. Quickly he put it down, unable to read more than a few lines. He turned and left the room. He wanted to see her body, had to see her......one last time...just once. Maybe her soul had not fled and there would be time. His mind felt muzzy with conflicting thoughts and emotions. The nurse came out of another room only to be accosted by a tall handsome man. It had been a long night, a difficult shift. One of her favorite patient's had taken a turn for the worse, and in spite of having developed a certain emotional detachment, she was hurting. "Where is Dana Scully?" he demanded. He was hostile. His tone made her hackles rise. "I don't know," she said. Dana Scully wasn't a prisoner chained to her bed for crying outloud. She was still mobile, still in decent condition. Maybe she had gone to the solarium, or in search of a cup of coffee. Who the hell knew? "Then who does know?" demanded the man. The woman was getting ready to snap at him, but at that moment, he heard a voice calling his name and turned to see someone else. She was pleased when he followed the man. She had heard that he himself had caused quite a stir on the earlier shift and she hoped that if the two men were going to start something it would be when she got off duty in a few hours. "Mulder, hurry......" Byers called. Perhaps there was a chance. Perhaps if he ran up the corridor with Byers, there would be time to say good-bye. Hope rose in his shattered heart. "Did you get to Scully?" "Yes....." For an instant as he continued to follow Byers, his breathing literally stopped. As Mulder opened the door that Byers indicated, he saw Dana sitting beside Penny North stroking the sick woman's head gently. Relief truly overwhelmed him in that instant making him feel dizzy and out of focus. Instinctively he knew that that Penny was dying. He had seen enough death to know when it was close at hand. He also knew that it was not a time to intrude. With a look to Dana, he backed out of the room and collapsed in a chair to wait. It was a long moment before the pounding in his chest stopped and pieces of his heart began to fall back together again. She was not dead after all. There was still time, time for a miracle and time to.......to what......Byers sat down beside him distracting him from completing his thought. It took Mulder a moment before he could face the man. Tears were to close. Tears of sorrow.....tears of relief. "I got to her just as they were about to start the second treatment," said Byers quietly. He ran.....Scanlon I mean......At first, they didn't believe me when I burst in. Security came, but by that time Scanlon had run, and they couldn't stop him. I was afraid to call the police. I slipped this in my pocket and kind of made myself scarce. Byers handed Mulder a hypo. "It's all I could get my hands on. Do you want me to take it back and have it tested?" "Yeah....good idea," said Mulder. "Thanks." This is just too deep.....Mulder....." Byers was deeply shaken. He was not a man of action, but rather a man of intellect. The call in that clinic had been close, too close. Hospital security had been suspicious of him too. Thank God Scanlon had panicked and run. He was only sorry that he hadn't been able to grab the IV bag that had hung over Scully's bed. Eyes closed, Mulder nodded tiredly. "You made the right decision," he said quietly. "The police couldn't have done anything anyway. When they start asking questions, I'll keep your name out of it if I can. I owe you Byers. I owe all you guys." "Only doing our job, Mulder," he said quietly. "Isn't that what journalists are supposed to do? Investigate? Be on the spot?" "Ah, so that's what you are calling yourself now?" Mulder turned to his friend and managed a teasing grin. "Thanks....Tell Frohicke I said he can borrow part of my video collection." "Sure....sure man. I gotta head back to DC. Wife's having company for dinner. Relatives..." he sighed. Byers saluted Mulder and left. He had his own reasons for wanting to bring the consortium down although he kept them to himself. Everyone except the other Gunmen and Mulder thought he was a paranoid lunatic, but his wife had lost time, was a possible abductee, and she could not have children. No one knew. Not even Mulder although he had come close to telling his friend today. No one knew as well, that she had almost gone to the same clinic for treatment. They had received a packet in the mail advertising that they helped childless couples to conceive. In the end, he and Rita had decided against it. Perhaps they were too paranoid, but Byers had always wondered why the advertisements were sent to them and not others in the neighborhood. They had had to question how it was known that she was infertile. They had told no one, and the only medical opinion she had sought had been from the doctor who had delivered her and who she had know for years. At first, even she had thought he was being paranoid, but it would seem that in this case, his gut instinct had been right. His wife was now resigned, had written it off as God's will, although, he himself knew that God had very little to do with this. Perhaps things had worked out for the best after all. He still had his wife, and they were on the list to adopt a child. She had come to believe that taking in a child that someone else could not care for was a good thing. They had switched doctors as well. After Byers left, Mulder sat and waited. It seemed like forever until Dana came out of the room. His beautiful partner looked literally like hell. Her skin was deathly pale and she had dark circles under her eyes. Her normally shiny red hair hung in limp unwashed strands. She was still beautiful in his eyes, perhaps more beautiful for he knew their time was not limited. "Is she gone?" he asked softly as a nurse entered the room and Dana started to walk away. His partner turned to face him with tired eyes. She hadn't even noticed him there when she had left the room. In the end, he couldn't help himself. He had to put his arms around her, had to hold on to her. It was like holding onto a wraith, so fragile had she become. They spoke brave words to one another, she vowing not to let it beat her, he telling her bravely that the truth would save them both, trying to be strong for her, but in reality, he felt that his words were just that...only words.....nothing more and that in the end, he was going to lose her. This reprieve had been only temporary, and before long his heart would shatter once again. Dana lifted her chin to look at him with her tired eyes, and he put his hands on her face and bent down and kissed her forehead. As she walked away from him down that long and suddenly empty corridor, he felt his heart beginning to break again already. One day she would walk down an empty corridor without him to wherever people went when they died, leaving him by himself with his search for the truth unless....unless he could find it soon. He remembered how he had grieved for his so called soul mate Melissa, and how hurt Scully had seemed. He realized that he hadn't known the meaning of the word grief that day, and he hadn't known who his soul mate really was until moments ago when he had held Dana Scully close to his heart. He vowed to take her home and to treat her with the care she deserved for however long they had together. End of Part One ----------------------------------------------------------------- xangst@frii.com TheDeanXF@aol.com http://members.aol.com/TheDeanXF/XA.html -------------------------------------------- Now I think the world is a dark place full of run-down buildings and weird people who can squeeze into small places. --A newbie X-Phile -------------------------------------------- Queen of Angst Mysterious & Suspicious Smoker for Scully Extreme Possibilities Skinner Chick Genteel Ladies Writing Guild Subbasement supporter--"We're down here, and we *like* it!" ********************************************* _ _ \ / For information \ / please write: X A N G S T / \ Anonymous xangst@frii.com / \ Dean Warner, moderator - - ********************************************* From xangst@frii.com Wed Mar 19 16:57:37 1997 Subject: NF> Only Love 2/2 From: Myth Patrol -------- Return-Path: From: macspooky@erols.com Date: Thu, 13 Mar 1997 08:03:00 -0500 (EST) To: xangst@frii.com Subject: Re: XA> Are you reading me? Here comes part 2. Wish I could figure out how to attach more than one to an e-mail. Sigh. Mac "Only Love Part 2" By Macspooky See Part One for Disclaimers. Alas, they still apply. Mulder had felt that it was too soon for his partner to come back to work after her treatment in Allentown, although, he had had to concede that he had felt the same way after every trauma she had been through. He had kept silent because he knew that hard work was the way Dana dealt with her problems. He had known from the get go that the case in Brooklyn was going to be a disaster. When they had gotten home from Pennsylvania, Scully had pushed him away, had been adament about taking care of herself, determined to be independent. He had wanted to take care of her and she had not let him. Since the moment Dana had met him at the airport for the shuttle flight to New York, he had felt as though he were walking on eggs. He could tell immediately that she had arrived on the scene ready to kick ass simply to prove that she could still do so. Dana had set out to prove that she was alive and that she could still do her job. This was not a case, however, for ass kicking. It was politically sensitive and dealt with the rights of a minority group of people, long persecuted in every country they had lived in, to exist and to practice their religion in peace. Although he didn't profess to understand them, Mulder knew from what he had read about the Hasidim, that putting a strong willed woman on the case could have some disastrous consequences unless they treaded very carefully. He had, however, gone along with her, and this time, unusual as it was for him, it had been he, Fox Mulder who had been the one to apply diplomatic balm. In his own way, he had found himself soothing the ruffled feathers of a religious group that believed in complete separation of the sexes. He had gently tried to stop Scully from bursting in on the morning prayers. She had given him a dirty look and announced that she was a federal agent and..well...if they didn't like it....tough shit. He had not even had a chance to stop her before she snapped the cuffs on the very religious man she was convinced had committed the murders. She had done it before he could reach out to do it himself and spare the man what would be viewed as an indignity at best. Jacob Weiss hadn't protested too violently at being touched by a woman other than his wife. Apparently he had not always been ultra-orthodox, or perhaps he had realized the futility of doing so at that moment, however, the same could not be said for the picketers who had appeared outside of the police station to protest this violation of their religious taboos. It had made the papers. He had quietly taken the heat from Skinner, who had assumed automatically that his cowboy agent had simply gone off the deep end again and was ruffling feathers, as he had quietly tried to think of a way to broach the subject of how her illness was affecting her attitude with Scully. She had nothing to prove, not to him, not to anyone, not even herself, but he didn't know how to say it without alienating her. In the end, he supposed, some good had come of the whole mess. Three violent punks were no longer a menace to society and a Neo Nazi had been put out of business. Now there was some ass he would like to have kicked himself. The crime itself, however, had not been a hate crime, but rather a love crime. Ariel had loved Isaac and that love had been powerful enough to summon a part of him back from the grave. Dana had redeemed herself in her sensitive handling of Ariel, had in fact, gone out of her way to see that father and daughter could visit and talk after Jacob was arrested. She had seemed entranced with Ariel's story of the communal wedding ring, a topic that he had found boring at best. The subject of wedding rings had always made him uncomfortable, now more than ever since he could only see the ring his grandmother had left him on one tiny finger. As he had stood in Ariel's study listening to the story of the ring, his mind had returned to his childhood. His grandmother had given him a pair of wedding rings and a very old silver necklace with some sort of an alien looking symbol on the chain. She had told him that one day he would meet a special woman and he would give her one ring and wear the the other that had belonged to his grandfather. The necklace would belong to her as well and it would bring them good luck always. Even then he had known that the jewellry had been meant for Samantha, only Samantha was gone, and his grandmother had believed she was never coming back. As a 13 year old boy, he hadn't been eager to spend that afternoon at the nursing home with this grandmother. She was old and ill and it made him uncomfortable although he loved her. He had not been interested in wedding rings or funny looking necklaces. He hadn't even liked girls much at that point, but he had always kept the rings, always kept them safe. If Scully hadn't understood the religious taboos of the Hasidic Jews, however, she had seemed to comprehend very well the father/daughter relationship, and the pain that the young Jewish woman had endured at the loss of the man she had loved. At the end when Ariel had been saying good-bye to "Isaac" Mulder could have sworn he saw tears in his partner's eyes. Dana had made little comment afterwards about the so called Golem. She had seemed at a loss, wanting to find a rational explanation and not being able to do so. He had suggested that it might be written off to the power of love, but she had merely given him one of her patented Scully looks and turned away. Once again in that moment he had felt helpless to deal with her. They took a late night shuttle flight back from New York and for once it wasn't crowded. They had a row of seats to themselves. Mulder turned to gaze at his partner. She was staring out the window her face turned away, and as the plane went skyward, he wondered what she was thinking about. Lately she had seemed as tough as nails and yet as fragile as a delicate flower. Things had almost fallen apart for them after her abortive affair in Philadelphia. He had been so angry with her. He hadn't fully understood what was happening until she had called him that fateful morning and told him to come to the oncology center at Holy Cross Hospital. Then he had begun to understand her pain and had cursed his own blindness. It had been a testament to the depth of their friendship that she had called him at all, had trusted him before all others in spite of the barrier that had grown between them over the tattoo and everything that had happened while he had been in Memphis looking at Elvis' home at Graceland. When they had gotten back from Allentown, it had been rough once again. He was in a difficult position, had tried to walk the line between caring for her and allowing the space she needed. Who was he, after all, but her partner? Between Maggie and himself they had checked on her daily and it was fortunate that they had. As it turned out, she had picked up the flu while she was in the Pennsylvania hospital. Although she had cancer, it was the flu that had very nearly killed her. Maggie had called him frantically, and between them they had had to force her into the emergency room one night. She had been suffering from severe dehydration due to almost constant vomiting. He had been harsh with her then out of necessity and because her mother had seemed to be out of strength. Poor Maggie had been very close to reaching the end of her tether, and had not been able to get through to her very stubborn daughter. He had stormed over to her apartment and angrily told her that it wasn't her time to die, and he damned well wasn't going to let her. By that point Scully hadn't even been thinking clearly. She had been almost delerious, but not delerious enough to restrain herself from letting him know that she resented his interference. Once the nausea and vomiting had been brought under control, however, she had bounced back quickly. Not a word was said about the way he had conspired with Maggie to drag her to the hospital. If she was angry or grateful, she had kept it to herself. He would have liked to discuss her stubbornness but didn't want to alienate her. Despite his brave words, he still believed he was going to lose her soon enough, and as angry as she made him sometimes, he didn't want to face that. "I don't know how I'm going to write up the reports," she said suddenly. She still wasn't looking at him. "Resurrection? The attack of the mud monster? Just what the hell am I supposed to say? I mean it sounds like a grade B horror flick....."The Night of the Risen Dead" "I'll handle the reports," he replied quietly. "Oh, and what will you say, Mulder?" she asked. It came out sounding harsher than she had intended. She knew she hadn't handled this case well and wasn't particularly happy with herself. She had set out to prove her independence and her ability to function on the job as though she weren't carrying around a time bomb in her head. All she had done was to alienate a lot of people although technically she had done nothing wrong. She had also not treated her mother or Mulder very well, but didn't know how to say she was sorry. In fact, she knew she had been a real bitch, particularly to Mulder the night he had come to her house and made her go to the ER. They had both been so good to her. She should have been more appreciative. She supposed she'd also catch hell from Skinner when they got back. It occurred to her in that moment though, that Mulder probably already had. He was the one that usually dove in where no one dared to tread and made a habit out of upsetting everyone's apple carts. Skinner would have taken it for granted that it was Mulder who had stirred up the religious hornets nest in Boro Park and not her. No one ever suspected Scully of insanity. Even after what she had done in Philadelphia, she was still the Ice Queen of the FBI. She sighed. She'd have to make it up to her partner somehow. He didn't deserve the treatment she had been giving him lately. She'd have to talk to Skinner too. She had blown it badly this time around, and she couldn't have Mulder taking the blame for her. "I don't know," he said quietly. "Perhaps I'll just say that it was a crime of love." He shrugged and waited for another dirty look or smart assed reply. It didn't come though. She was silent for a long time. "I've been thinking about that," she said finally. "Poor Ariel. It must be wonderful to have someone love you that way and who loves you back. I was always so intent on my education and then my career. I mean boyfriends came second....always. Now there are days where I just think that.....well.....I wish I were more loving. I wish someone loved me like that, like Issac, enough to.....come back from the grave for me." "Dana," he said quietly, barely above a whisper, "Someone does." She turned toward him and her face lit into a beautiful smile. It was a moment to die for, or to live for, and he thought his heart would burst with happiness at the sight. The words had popped out before he had thought about them. "Someone loves you too," she said softly. "Someone loves you very much even if she doesn't alway show it." The flight attendant walked by and saw the young couple wrapped in each other's arms. It made her smile. When they had first boarded the plane, they hadn't looked happy together at all. Funny, but now they made her think of the lyrics to an old song. "Only love can break a heart. Only love can mend it again." "When we get back, Dana, there is something I want to show you....something beautiful that my grandmother left me. She was Jewish you know........" The End xangst@frii.com TheDeanXF@aol.com http://members.aol.com/TheDeanXF/XA.html